Life Experience-- love

I've written a bit about some of the frustrations I've had here in Utah and especially in my ward. I have tried to be fair and keep it general, I hope I have done that and will continue to do so. I'm getting tired of the whole thing, but I keep understanding myself, others and life around here a little better and I keep wanting to share. This has been a huge growing experience for me, and we'll be moving into a brand new house probably the end of November so I'm all set for a completely new set of problems-- because they (problems) are everywhere- you know.

The most important experience I've gained is what it feels like to be on the outside and to really not fit in. I hope that all through my life I have felt empathy for those around me who haven't fit in or who have been shunned in one way or another. I've known people who have felt and gone through similar things I've just gone through, and I have talked with them and tried to help them and make them feel better, but now that I personally have gone through it-- I can REALLY empathize. I think I have a better idea (although, my understanding is still extremely limited) of what Jesus Christ went through- being thrown out of synagogues and being asked to leave his home town. Wow, you just don't know how it feels 'til it happens to you. I had no idea-- I'm glad that I tried to be understanding, but I really didn't understand. I have friends now who try to understand, but just really can't. I can see people with the same thoughts toward me that I had towards other people-- I've now been on both sides.

I think the most important thing for me to take away from this experience is to just be kind and considerate of everyone. Don't be afraid to introduce yourself or to get to know people. Everyone wants to be loved and accepted. Each one of us has power to do things that will brighten or darken someone's day. There's no way to know the sorrows people carry with them. We need to lift each other and rejoice in others successes and sorrow at their failures. We need to make sure we are kind and friendly with people. A smile can make such a difference-- it's such a small thing, but so powerful. We also need to sincerely care for others-- not just because we should-- but because we really do care. If we really love people, it will shine through even if we don't know how to relate to them or help them-- it will make a world of difference just to know that someone cares.

I think Cor 13 is particularly applicable here-- if you don't have love or charity- then whatever other great things you can do or have, don't matter. Without love- life is meaningless.

1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not acharity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.

If you don't have charity- you can pray for it, and God will grant your desire Moroni 7:

46 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail—

47 But acharity is the pure blove of Christ, and it endureth cforever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.

48 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, apray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true bfollowers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall cbe like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be dpurified even as he is pure. Amen.

Taking a Stand

It's hard to stand up for something the first time one is exposed to something evil like Love and Logic, because first of all that person may be so appalled that they are speechless and second of all they may wonder if they are really right or not. And we definitely don't want to infringe on others' agency. But once one knows if something is right or wrong, by thinking about it, researching it, etc. then it is their duty to stand up and call it for what it is, evil.

Evil gets a foothold and spreads when good people stay out of the way and let it go. It is hard to do sometimes, especially when it involves people I care about, but protecting children and standing up for what's right is more important than people's delicate feelings. Maybe I won't be able to convince those who are already doing it, but maybe they'll remember what I said at some point, and it will help them. Also, maybe I can put people on guard before they are exposed to this philosophy so that they can give themselves permission to not accept it right off the bat.

This is from the BBC psychology website:

"Psychologists have discovered that even the most independent- minded of us will conform to social pressure when we are with a group of people. In one classic experiment, people were shown a vertical line and asked to find a line of identical length from a selection of three.

You might think that this is an absurdly easy task, and when people perform it by themselves they do very well.. However, psychologists have discovered that we are very easily swayed by the opinions of other people when we do this task in a group. In one study, a group of three people was set up, where two of the people were confederates of the experimenter. When the confederates deliberately gave wrong answers, people were often swayed to give the wrong answer also. In fact, 75% of people gave at least one wrong answer, with some people conforming to peer pressure on every occasion."

Here is the link to the original study.

We have to be so so careful.

Love and Logic is Evil

I have heard about Love and Logic over the years by different people at different times, but I have never bothered to look into it as I didn't feel like it was something that would be beneficial or useful to me. I finally had the motivation to look into it and it makes me sick.

Parenting With Love and Logic is the most depressing, put down, low book I have ever read. I couldn't even finish it. I just skimmed through the end, and later that night my husband read it and looked into the author's history. It is so sick and disturbing, I'm not sure how much I will write here.

First of all, the author, Foster Cline, begins the book by talking about how these days are so much harder and difficult for our children than it has been in the past, and that the ways we were raised won't work for today's kids. That is a huge red flag!!!!! What??? Are children that much different than their parents when they were kids? I don't think so. Kids are kids. Then he gives the most horrendous examples of bad behaviour of kids I have ever heard-- running all over the grocery store, adding things to the cart, and the mother's attempt to herd them back in and then giving up by buying a treat to keep them under control. The book is full of examples of kids acting terribly and playing on the fear parents have that their child won't turn out unless they follow the misnamed method of Love and Logic.

There is no love in this book. There is no appreciation of children in this book. The parents are not supposed to explain things to the kids because that keeps them from thinking on their own. The parents are supposed to let the kids face the consequences of their decisions by allowing them to sleep in and miss the school bus and then stay in their room all day until they would have come home, by giving away a 7 year old girl's dog because she didn't feed it, by allowing them to not wear their coat when it's cold and then taunt them that you are warm because you wore your coat, to go without dinner because they didn't finish their chores in time. Cline claims that this is teaching your child to think and be responsible because they are facing the consequences. but these are not natural consequences, these are consequences that the parent has complete control over. So the parent is basically manipulating the child.

The devil will tell 10 truths to get you to believe that 1 lie. In this case, Cline is playing on parents' fears that if they don't do what he says, then their child won't become responsible or able to make decisions. He preempts concerns of parents by saying that you don't want to make the same mistakes your parents did towards you, and any concern actually shows you are on the right path. And any parent who disagrees is too protective of their child and is not allowing their child to grow into a responsible adult. He also talks a lot about how parents love their kids too much and keep them facing consequences. So even though it may be hard to follow this method sometimes and taunt your child and watch him suffer, it will be better in the long run, because he'll learn responsibility. So don't listen to that inner voice, just follow the program.

I think the majority of the parents who say they like Love and Logic, like it because they will just take some of the truths out, like follow through on any threat you make, and if you are not willing to follow through, then don't threaten it. They also like the idea of having responsible kids. And hopefully, they do listen to their conscience and don't take the method to the full.

Now it gets worse. It turns out that Foster Cline, M.D. lost his medical license in Colorado because of his Holding therapy and his Rebirth therapy for abused an troubled kids. 5 children suffocated during these treatments, but not with him as the therapist of course, just other therapists whom he trained. There are videos and comments by different people, some of them survivors of these terrible therapies. It is not for the tender hearted. My husband watched some of them and told me not too, which I didn't want to anyway. Now it is 3 a.m. and I couldn't sleep because of it. This relieves me a little that maybe someone can be warned against this ideology. Anything from a man who can stand to watch small children in pain with those awful therapies is evil.

Stay far away from Love and Logic. Warn your friends and neighbors. Go do some research on Foster Cline, read the book. We have got to be more vigilant when it comes to stuff like this. We can't just accept every little thing, or say well it's just not for me. This is terrible for these kids growing up this way. It is not fair.