You are nothing without Love

I think writing things out is highly therapeutic for me, there has been so much stuff though that I have needed to flesh out privately and haven't because this and Facebook became my outlets. I just found a journal app that will be so much better than sharing my thoughts and impressions with the world. I am a pretty open book, and I think it worked against me on Some Facebook groups I was a part of, but I also learned a lot about myself and about people through the experience. The problem with Facebook is that there's no body language. In person you can tell when something is uncomfortable for the other person and you can tell when a change of subject is in order. With Facebook! you can lay out your heart and not realize that you have threatened someone with your thoughts or with your experience. The human experience is so varied and unique, that what may seem like common knowledge to me may be completely foreign and bizarre to someone else. And with FB, it's really hard to gauge when you are coming to that line. So probably not too unsurprisingly I threatened a lot of people on a fairly conservative LDS moms group I was a part of with my "radical" ideas. This has been awhile, so I joined a different more "radical" group, but I really liked it because the people there were fairly tolerant. It was refreshing and I wasn't radical at all there. So it has been an interesting exercise to observe the people's comments in these groups. I'm pretty tired of them both now and I have worked through a lot of things. Also, I haven't gone to my ward since testimony meeting because we've had family in town or gone to a different ward or had a sick kid, plus we're moving so I have not heard about any of the ward activities or goings on. It has helped my mental and emotional state so much, that I don't feel like I have to go vent some where. Those people can make me so angry so fast because of their ignorance and stupidity and my inability and powerlessness to change it, it is ridiculous. I have found time to play the piano, read and watch lectures again. I feel like I am coming back to myself. I started this blog as a place to review books I've read and to share ideas I liked, but once I got pregnant with the twins, all I was able to do was survive and protect my kids and try to figure out how to navigate the idiocy that seemed to surround me. It is really really relieving to have this period come to a close. Someday, I may write a book about these 4 years. They were great in terms of the kids growing and learning, and they were awful in terms of being rejected by our faith community. It wouldn't have been so bad if they hadn't pretended to be our friends. You don't have to like me, you don't have to be my friend, so don't pretend to be my friend and then stab me in the back, talk bad about me when I'm not there, marginalized me and push me away. That's not nice, and it really does hurt. When someone says or does something mean and back handed to another person, it hurts even if the person doing the harm believes they are a good person. Probably the most important thing I have learned through all of this is the reality of 1 Corinthians 13 that you are nothing without charity or love, it doesn't matter what else you do, how much money you donate charity, that you can prophesy, that you are respected in your community, that you are prospering in the land, etc, etc, if you don't sincerely and truly love people, be encouraging of them, don't be jealous, let them be themselves, don't shame them or guilt them, but just love them and accept them, then you really are nothing and nothing else you do matters one iota. And conversely, if you are the scum of the earth with no skills and no talents and nothing to share, but you truly have charity and love and compassion, it doesn't matter because you have what counts. And you know what else? God loves us all the same, he doesn't love the pious church goer anymore than he loves the sinner. He doesn't love the fabulous singer any more than he loves the ugly or disabled person anywhere. He doesn't turn anyone away ever. He loves us all. May we all have that love, then the world would be a much better and happier place.

My Health update

About a month ago I finally started feeling more normal and less tired. My skin started looking a lot better and my hair even seems thicker. My belly has gone down a lot too. I attribute that mostly to making sure I got my rest, enough sleep and taking time to lie down during the day when I just felt tired. I let go of the guilt of thinking of all the things I needed to do and I would just go lie down for as long as I needed. It took about a month of that, and I no longer need to lie down during the day. I make sure I go to bed by 11 pm and I'm up at 7 am. Sleep makes such a difference. I just have felt better. We are also going to be moving the end of this month, hopefully-- it will be nice to get it all set up, so I decided to go ahead and do a final cleanse with Vicki before we go, I'm on my 2nd day of just juices today and I am still feeling pretty good. I've gotten some more weird stuff out, how much is there? I am hoping that my body will finally be able to release some of the extra pounds I've been carrying, but it just may take a while longer. I plan to continue eating mostly salads, I'm finding new favorite ways of eating them and I am also finding more ways to include a wider variety of cooked veggies into my and my family's meals. It feels good!

New Events Website -- happen.io

So this post is just to let you know that there is a great brand new website out there where you can post your own events to the public or make them private, you can even make your own group for whoever you want to join, it's easy to communicate through the comments and it's easy to use and search. It is brand new, been out about a week, so most of the public events so far are in Utah, so definitely if you are in Utah, go check it out! Http://happen.io

Anxiety and Adrenal glands

I really wasn't feeling well last month. I had a couple migraine auras, I would feel slightly dizzy and have a weird feeling behind my eyes. I realized that I needed to make getting enough sleep a top priority. I bought warm sleepers for the twins and the baby, made sure the one who always wets his pants has a diaper, made sure all the animals were taken care of and made sure I went to bed as early as possible. Also when I feel like I need a break, I take it and lie down. It took about a month of this, letting some things go and such that I started feeling better. But I still wasn't sure exactly what was going on with me, I eat about as healthy as anyone could possibly eat, I was starting to worry a bit, brain tumor, hypoglycemia? Finally I realized that I have pretty much all the symptoms of anxiety plus it runs in my family. I was relieved to have a reason that I could learn to deal with and conquer and then I had to figure out what was causing it. First of all, being the mother of 8 needy children including twins and a baby is not a calm serene type of life. I love it, I am a pretty patient person, but it does wear on me. It also makes it extremely difficult to keep the house clean which when it gets super out of control instead of just regular out of control, I get overwhelmed and apparently anxious. Slowing down and taking care of myself was exactly what I needed to do. The other thing that is not a happy stress that was causing me anxiety is my stupid ward. Once I realized that trying to deal with them all the time was affecting me physically, I decided that I just won't deal with them right now until I am more stable. I need a break from their stupidness. So we are only attending sacrament meeting each week and taking a break from the auxiliaries. I feel so at peace with this decision right now. It is so much better to just decide beforehand how much involvement everyone will have until either we feel more accepted and more trusting of the people who are in charge of the activities and meetings for our children. My daughter told me how she misses going to all of church, and I do to. Hopefully we will have that good feeling at church again. For now I feel like the right thing to do is to follow our conscience or the Spirit and not go. If we didn't have kids then I would go to the whole thing and try to help people and give comments and such, but as it is, they have completely marginalized me and it is just not worth losing my health over it. On a good note, my husband finished his awesome website. It is not growing very much yet, so he will try to get a job and wait for it to grow. We got to switch roles today. I did some cold calling-- not effective-- and he helped the kids with their schoolwork and washed some dishes. I missed my kids even as overwhelming and hard as it can be sometimes, I like my job home with them way better. I will miss these days. It was fun to have a change of pace for a day and it helped me get my mind on something positive to work towards rather than thinking about defending myself and kids from our ward. I think that's really what I need, is to focus on some positive things. It's hard to do when you don't get out much because you homeschool 8 kids of a wide span of ages. It was fun. The other thing I learned researching about anxiety is that I'm pretty sure my adrenals are shot from all the fight or flight hormones that have been running constantly since the twins were born and we've had to constantly be on guard at church except for the blessed year of recovery til our ward split. But I'm grateful to have a name and some understanding of what has been going on with me. Things can only get better! Speaking of which, I'd better go to bed!

Video on being taught well by parents

This is so worth watching http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=isLtc5lFgf8&feature=player_embedded&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DisLtc5lFgf8%26feature%3Dplayer_embedded

Balance

Dang! I thought I published this last week, guess not! :) There are only so many hours in the day. We are each just one person. And although I would love to learn everything, do everything and teach it all to my kids in one day, it just isn't going to happen. One of my biggest weaknesses is getting really involved in something that I miss the bigger picture and forget about doing other needful things. I will get completely absorbed in a book or in a sewing project or in reading to my kids or playing the piano or a cleaning project (in my former life when I had time to do such things), and I will forget all about making dinner or cleaning up after myself or whatever, it makes me late for stuff all the time because I think I can do more before we have to go and then I get absorbed in it an leave later. So having a bunch of kids has forced me to prioritize better, organize better and think things through better and schedule things better. There just is so little room for error when you have a bunch of needy people dependent on you. At this point in my mothering career, we are just doing the most important basics and it takes all day long and longer. I honestly haven't folded the laundry in months, I get it washed, the laundry room is out of the way and we all just dig through to find our clothes, it is on the list to organize and give parts of it to the kids, but the time is not yet. And I wash an average of 3 loads of laundry a day and usually more with all the pee and poo blankets, towels and clothes. Today somebody forgot to turn the sink off after they washed their hands in the bathroom, so right now every towel in the house is hanging out to dry on our back deck from soaking up all the water that ran everywhere before someone noticed-- at least it was clean water from the sink and not yucky water from the toilet. Anyway, my point is that we have had to prioritize so much that we only do what is most important and for awhile that did not include taking care of myself. I have been learning that the analogy of the putting on your own oxygen mask in the airplane first and then putting it on the child once yours is secure is very true. If I am not healthy, then everything else can just go to pot, nothing will get done if I am not there to either do it or oversee it. If I am stressed, then everybody is stressed. So there were a couple days where I woke up extremely tired from getting woken in the night for various things over several days, and I decided that everybody was safe and happy doing whatever and I went back to bed and rested. When I got up, I felt tons better and got way more done than if I had tried to push through that tiredness. Also, I think I have finally internalized the fact that we are not going to accomplish everything I would like to do every day and that's OK. I need a break sometimes and the kids also need a break sometimes. As we work steadily and consistently a little bit everyday, eventually will reach our end goal. My girls play the piano even though our lessons have been sporadic. They are doing fine in algebra even though we slowed down in math sometimes. The boys finished their first year Greek book even though it took us 2 years to do so. It's OK. And we can take a break from our studies for field trips. I just used to want the kids to get as much done as possible each day, but that's not necessary. I think we are actually more efficient now because I don't hang it over our heads all the time. We work when it's time to work and we play when it's time to play. I make sure and drink my water and eat my salad before I make the kids' meals so I have energy to do so and don't eat all their food. I also let myself rest when I'm tired and acknowledge to myself how much I've done even though it doesn't look like it. I try to remember all the diapers I changed, all the books I read, all the bums I wiped and hands I washed and food I prepared and served and water I gave and children I dressed and homework I explained and songs I sang and messes I cleaned. It's good to take breaks and the kids like it too. I also love to exercise, and so I have been taking time for that about 4 times per week for 30-50 minutes. It feels good. I like this way better. Maybe the amount we do hasn't changed, but my attitude and my efficiency has. And volleyball is over so maybe we'll be home so the kids can actually do their chores again!! Balance!!

Mormon Feminists and Ordain Women

This seems to be the talk in Mormondom these days so I figured I would chime in for posterity's sake. Basically the only good reason for women to not hold the priesthood is because The Lord said so. That's it, and that could change just like it did for polygamy-- which since researching I think was a mistake in the first place-- and just like it changed for the blacks. But wow, there are some wild postulations out there as to why women don't have the priesthood. Some of the most amusing ones are that women were so valiant and so much better than men in the pre-existence that they don't really need it ( isn't that exactly what some people said about the blacks except that the black people weren't as valiant in the pre-existence?), and then there is the idea that men need the priesthood to keep them active in church and feeling special-- huh?, and then the best one I've heard is that the prayers of women are so powerful, they don't even need the priesthood at all, in fact, their prayers may be even more powerful than a priesthood blessing-- (if that were true, then why would we have the priesthood at all, just let the women pray). So there you go, and if there is a group of women who want to go to 2 more hours of conference, I say, go for it! As far as the Mormon feminists are concerned, I like them. They seem intelligent and faithful to the gospel. They just see that there is inequality of opportunity for service in the church and they would like to see that more equal. They would also like to do women activities without getting a male's approval. I think that is reasonable. I also really liked this post written on the mormon feminists website this week, I really like Malala, what a quality person she is, anyway,: http://www.feministmormonhousewives.org/2013/10/and-im-afraid-of-no-one/ When there are down trodden, marginalized or repressed people, it is always wrong. And it is not the down trodden's fault that they are marginalized and down trodden and it is not for us to judge unrighteous lay, or really at all, for we will be judged that same way-- karma. It is not the Lord's will that only a select few have wonderful service opportunities in the Lord's name. We are supposed to help and encourage each other and cheer for each other. When someone is having a hard time we are supposed to support them and let them know we care and help them in a way that they see as helpful, not in a way that we think will help, but in a way that actually does help, or at the least let them know we want them to succeed and to excel and to do their best even if they end up better than us. This pure charity was sorely lacking in many of the conference talks this last time I thought. There is too much competition and too many rules for us to judge each other against so we can see who is the most righteous and who is not. This is not everybody of course, but it does happen. And when this competitive spirit takes over a ward or congregation, it is very hard to stop, and the safe haven of church no longer exists. In order for church to be an inspirational, loving, happy and cooperative place, we have to have the spirit of love, compassion, understanding and cooperation to reign. That means that we don't care what people wear to church or if they are better than us or if they can do a lot or if they are overwhelmed, we are just glad to see them. We are just glad they came. We say hi to each other, we ask how each other is doing, and we don't ignore people. We don't selectively praise people for their efforts and put our leaders up on a pedestal and talk about how great everything is. We just enjoy being with others who share our faith. We realize that we are all different and very individual. We won't all be the same, and we will be glad for these differences, it keeps life interesting and fun. When somebody has a concern or an issue, we don't immediately dismiss it, we listen and try to either clear it up or find an agreeable solution for both parties. We include each other in planning and we try to do things that will be appreciated by those we are supposed to serve without thinking about how awesome they may think we are for doing this incredible activity that helped no one. Those of us with testimonies of The Lord's restored true church don't want to think that there could be problems and some serious ills happening inside it. But the reality is that the Lord's servants are human beings doing the best they can with good intentions-- hopefully, but that doesn't mean they can do no harm. The biggest harm I've seen recently is in this idea of pure obedience to your leaders all the way from the prophet to the bishop to the primary, young men, and young women presidents and leaders, regardless of what they may say. It's even ok in some cases to go against the handbook as long as the bishop approves. Concerns and questions are not welcome because they have been called of God and they will make the final decisions regardless of how it may affect some individuals. I think the feminists see the gender inequality that exists and feel that if that can be made right, then things will be better. I agree things may be somewhat better, but I have also seen the worst come out of women presidents of church auxiliaries and I think we probably would get a whole new set of problems. I think the issue of people not feeling accepted, loved and safe at church is a much bigger problem than just gender inequality. I admire the feminists' idealism and courage though, and if nothing else they have brought some issues to the forefront of a much needed conversation.

Sustaining our Leaders-- ch. 18 Teachings of Lorenzo Snow

There is a lot of talk lately it seems maybe because conference is coming up on following the prophet and sustaining our leaders. I believe that Pres. Monson is the Lord's prophet, I believe in the priesthood and that the LDS church is the Lord's restored church. However, I think we as members sometimes take these truths a little too far in assuming that when The Lord calls mortal men to do church tasks that they will or almost cannot do any wrong or any harm because they are chosen and called, even to the point that we think questioning actions or decisions is wrong or unrighteous. I found this lesson in the current RS manual to be quite refreshing in this regard. The chapter talks about the duties of those who are called to positions of authority over others in the church and how they should act. I also thought there was a quote in there on how if you know that a leader is not doing their duty that you have a duty not to sustain them and should take the matter up with a higher authority, but I can't find it right now. I will keep looking, and maybe that's the article or talk I was thinking of more. I think we do have a duty to question and find truths for ourselves not just blindly follow people even if they are called of God, we need to know that what they are telling us is indeed the Lord's will for ourselves, and I believe The Lord will let us know that it is if we are sincere. But here is the link for this chapter anyway. https://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-of-presidents-of-the-church-lorenzo-snow/chapter-18-church-leadership-and-selfless-service?lang=eng

Competition vs. Cooperation-- Being One

I have actually started to enjoy Relief Society. I switch off teaching music to the Primary kids and taking the week off. During the long winter when kids were sick, my husband and I switched off going and my turn going was always in primary. Now we have 1 o clock church with 3 yr. old twins in nursery and a 1 yr. old baby, and my husband is still recovering from working for the church, and he is much happier the rest of the week when he doesn't attend more than sacrament meeting so it works out for us to all go to sacrament meeting and then he takes the 3 little guys home. So I have had the opportunity to go to Relief Society when it's not my turn to lead the music in primary and I am baby free so I can stay for the whole lesson. I've been surprised at how good the lessons have been even with people I don't particularly like, they have given good lessons and the Spirit has been there. It has been years since I have enjoyed Relief Society. It is a welcome change. It has also given me an opportunity to think about some things and even to share a comment in class, but I have so much more to say and think about, I'll share it here or at least the main idea so I don't forget. So the lesson today was on being one, one in the gospel and one in Relief Society. This particular teacher handled an issue I had with her YW activity very poorly. Instead of reaching out to me to explain any misunderstanding on my part or trying to understand my concern, she replied to my email and basically told me that I misunderstood the activity and that I should not complain about anything. So I was not excited to be there, but she is a talented teacher and she had a lot of discussion questions and some good quotes and it ended up being very interesting. So she started off asking what being one means and there were some good comments about loving each other and how charity is the bottom line, and then the discussion somehow lead to how she is a perfectionist and when she was on her missin her mission president sat her down and told her that she was going to have a very hard life if she couldn't be happy bless things were perfect and if she was always second guessing herself an beating herself up for not doing better. So she wanted everyone in the room to know that they are good enough and they are trying hard enough. One sister mentioned how she didn't have the perfectionist problem until she joined the church at age 20, but that she has learned that we just have to be clean and trying, not actually perfect and that the atonement works. Everybody laughed at the perfectionist comment because there's a lot of truth to it-- recently I have seen memes and links to articles about women in the church being good enough. And there were other comments and such and then she had us read a quote by Elder Uchtdorf on how we are all different and that's good, that God didn't create us all the same, etc. and then she told a story about a guy who went around to schools teaching tolerance when she worked at a troubled teen school. The guy legally changed his name to the scary guy had tattoos all over his body and then showed the kids how nice he actually was and that we shouldn't judge. Then she went on on how we shouldn't judge others if they have a tattoo or whatever because God loves them just as much as he loves us. I thought it was interesting that she referred to tattooed people as them. Anyway, I didn't need any prompting to raise my hand this time. Because this whole concept of being one in the gospel and helping and loving each other in the church has been a huge let down for me. I've analyzed it a lot and I've worked through a lot of feelings and reset my expectations. It still makes me sad, but I am no longer devastated by it, I look at my experiences as learning and growth opportunities. I feel like I understand much better and I won't get stuck that way again. I am confidant. I have done my part to understand these bad behaviors and I can see that it's not my fault that I have been minimized and treated badly in 2 different wards by those who should have been my friends and brothers and sisters. So I made the point that sometimes it's easy to love those who are very different and have made obviously poor choices. It is a lot harder to love those who are very similar to us. I pointed out how in our ward we are all about the same and how it's really awful when we compete with each other instead of cooperate with each other and be happy for each other. Since we are so similar we have to find made up ways that we are better than someone else and then put those people down, And then I ended by saying how ridiculous and stupid it is that we do that. I am so tired of these made up competitions and games people play and how subtley rude they are to each other. Then there ends up being all these women who feel lonely and like they aren't good enough to be a president of any organization or to teach a lesson or do anything else. And the truth is any person in that room could have taught that lesson just fine. Any person in that room could be the Relief Society President or Young Women's President or Primary President. The leaders need to treat every person in that ward as an equal or greater peer to them. When the leaders use their calling for self aggrandizement everyone suffers including them. It seemed to me that when I was talking everyone liked my comment and agreed with me, because it's so clear and most the people in that room are not in charge of anything so they have had to learn to cope and find God on their own without any validation of a high church calling. I was especially glad that the stake RS Pres who is in our ward commented right after about how much harder it is to get along with people who are similar to you, so that made me happy and gave me some validation. So there you go.... Be nice to people, don't think that you are better than others because you or your husband have a high calling. Callings only mean something if you are humble and serve and do what God would have you do.

Happy- the Documentary

I recently watched the documentary, Happy, on Netflix. I really really liked it. It showed a wide range of people and cultures and things that made people happy. It started out with things like physical activity, counting your blessings and good relationships and support. It moved on to talk about how many Japanese men literally work themselves to death, then showed a Danish women who lived in a shred type of housing unit, and then a man teaching kindness in a middle school, the a piece on Bhutan, one on Okinawa and finally it ended with a piece on a man who serves in the home Mother Teresa started for the sick, destitute and dying. They actually go find these destitute people in public places there in India and bring to their home and care for them and mostly just want them to know that God hasn't forgotten them and that He loves them and that they are cared about and loved. I thought that part was very touching, because to me, that's what this life is all about-- caring for others and being kind. I was especially struck by the lesson taught to the middle schoolers. The instructor talked about the difference between cooperation and competition and how we need to help each other instead of bring each other down. He also had everyone who had felt minimized or made fun of to raise their hands, pretty much every student raised their hands, then he had them look around and see that. He invited some kids to come in front and talk about how it feels when they are called names and made fun of and how it feels to have others be mean to you. I was surprised at how much I related to that feeling of being disregarded and being made to feel inferior and stupid and not as good as everyone else. It made me feel a lot better to see how that is not OK. After the kids expressed their sorrow and frustration at being treated that way, he had the kids say how that's not right and how they shouldn't do that. And that people shouldn't say mean things to each other or be mean like that. It was so refreshing for me to see. Also, the things that make us happy are the simple things in life that don't cost money. Money and things don't make people happy. Serving others, contributing to each others' well-being, good relationships, being grateful and being active-- those are the things that bring happiness. I highly recommend this film, it made me happy!!

End of this cleanse

Yay! My colon is acting much better, peristaltic action has returned, no more bloating and lots more gnarly stuff came out at my last colonic and all week. I have felt so much better! My clothes are noticeably looser too which is awesome, and I am off the shake and herbs for awhile til I do another deep cleanse. I'm still taking some maintenance herbs and probiotics, but I feel good. I will go back in 2 weeks and then in 3 weeks and then just once a month til I'm done nursing. I am so grateful. I've learned a lt. I think I can finally read my body better, when I need more water, more salad, etc. this is good!

Examples of Christ Being Obedient

The Relief Society lesson today was on obedience. I only got to go to the last half of the lesson so I don't know what the whole thing was like, but when I got there they were talking about how nowadays sometimes members find it difficult to even come to church when in the past, men would leave their families and go on a mission far away for an undetermined time frame, and how it is even hard to get people to come clean the church or do their visiting teaching, but how we would be blessed for our obedience even if we don't understand why and how we sometimes don't understand why we are commanded to do things, but that we should do them anyway. Also, how much better it is to be obedient because we want to rather than because we are fearful of the consequences. I had a strong feeling that I needed to share something, it was just like during testimony meeting when you feel like you should go up but don't want to. I had no idea what The Lord wanted me to share and there were quite a few comments. There were lots of thoughts I had running through my mind. So I prayed for The Lord to guide me and help me because I was nervous and had such a strong feeling. I also told Him to give me the right opportunity and to help me say what He would have me say. So the lesson went on, and I was thinking and praying and then the teacher asked what examples did Jesus give of being obedient since He is the ultimate example, and nobody raised their hands and the teacher was just kind of talking, so I raised my hand and pointed out how Jesus was obedient to God because He was born a Jew. But the Jews were so worried about their phylacteries, their clothing, their ceremonies and sacrifices that they were missing the whole point of it all and ended up killing the Savior. And Jesus was very direct, when I read the New Testament I think wow! No wonder they killed Him. He said a LOT of things they didn't like hearing. So Jesus actually wasn't very obedient to His religious leaders, but He was obedient to God. He taught about praying in secret, he taught about caring for the poor, the widows and fatherless, he taught about doing things not to be seen of men. He taught that they wouldn't be saved just because Abraham was their father, he taught them turn the other cheek and the golden rule. I don't know if that was what I was supposed to say, but I felt good about it, and I was happy after. I am really thankful for the scriptures and especially for the Savior and His perfect example. It is hard to do the right thing when it seems to be going against the status quo and people think you are weird and don't understand why you'd even consider a different option. Faith works that way, and it is worth it! It is worth it to do what is right, it's kind of like Huckleberry Finn feeling guilty about not turning Jim into the authorities. Huck thought he was real wicked for helping Jim runaway, but in reality Huck was doing the right and moral think by helping a man win his freedom. Anyway, this was just an experience I don't want to forget. :)

More Cleansing

I went in for another colonic this week, and this time I released a whole bunch of yellowish liver stuff and a whole bunch of green gall bladder stuff including small greenish calcified balls, actually some of them were largish. I felt so much better after that more so than from other colonics. Vicki said it is likely a lot of that stuff is from my teen years, and also that the duct that goes directly from the liver to the colon is probably unblocked now as it should be. She was very happy with me this time because it went so well. She said a lot of people never get this far be ause they start feeling better and figure it's good enough. So I get to stop using the shake this week, I am still using the herbs but I'm weaning off so we can see if my body will be able to handle daily living with just her maintenance herbs and fewer colonics, hopefully down to once a month soon. Then when I'm done nursing, I will do a full on cleanse and hopefully just do cleanses when I feel the need. I really felt good yesterday, I didn't get sluggish at all, I hope it lasts! I hope I will do fine on colonics every other week too, yay! I'm really glad I did this. Now I can focus on getting our homeschool all ready to go, and learn to make even healthier meals for my family. I'm excited!

More Cleansing stuff

How much weird stuff is still inside me? I just released some more extremely weird stuff, some mucus, more worms and parasites, I'm going to have to take a picture. My belly is poking out more and has been for a couple days, it seems to do that before my bowel releases more stuff. Weird, weird , weird! I seem to release more after periods of only drinking water and not eating anything else. Maybe the fresh peaches are helping too? But seriously, why is there so much in there, it's mind boggling, it is not from what I have even eating recently, I know that!

20 yr. high school reunion

I had my 20 yr. high school reunion this weekend. First of all, how did 20 yrs. go by so incredibly fast? It really was kind of a surreal experience to remember these faces of young kids and then see them as 38 yr old adults. Some changed dramatically especially the guys. Some of them looked exactly the same and some looked the same just older, a few wrinkles and just a little aged. It think we have all mostly gone through challenges and the reality of life has hit most of us, so everyone was very nice. I was a little apprehensive going because I just had a few friends in high school, it was a large class and there were a lot of people I just never got to know at all including a lot of "popular" kids. But once I found my old friends and acquaintances it was so worth it. Pretty much everybody had insecurities and felt alone in high school to some extent. It was nice to reconnect and reflect on that time. I definitely have regrets, I was not into romance at all in high school. I did not like it when guys acted like they liked me, so I would be a little mean to them so they wouldn't like me anymore. I would feel bad later and especially now that I'm married and realize that guys are people too and have feelings. I also used my smarts to intimidate them to some extent so they wouldn't like me. When they didn't act like they liked me, I enjoyed them a lot. I liked talking to them and hearing their stories and funny sayings. One of my personal goals in high school was to be nice to boys, I really had to work on it. I'm sure some of my difficulty with it came from having four younger wild brothers. But people were really nice at the reunion. It was just nice. Some of the cool popular girls looked really good, super fit, nice clothes and hair, and I know a lot of them still hang out together. There were several couples who married other alumna and many of them still live in our hometown or close to or have plans to return. I thought that was interesting. I am glad that I always tried to be nice. I really was in my own world a lot though, and it is nice to reflect on those years with a little more insight now. I was not one of the popular kids, I didn't know anybody from kindergarten or this school or that school, my interaction with these people was just high school. I wanted to focus on the good times I had with the friends I had, I got to do that, and I am glad! I am glad to be done with high school too and reconnect with old friends. And I'm tired!

More cleansing

So I went for another colonic on Tuesday, there were of course more worms, probably fluke or flue worms, I'll have to look it up, probably from living in Mexico as a child because we are to some really old stuff. There was some liver bile and some candida bubbles and some shiny see through flakes that Vicki says are like glass. So this week, I am increasing my herbs and making sure I drink lots of rejuvelac and eat lots of greens so that we can break it up and get it out. Vicki says it's old milk, ice cream and cheese from long ago, the dairy mixed with the salt gets really hard and is the hardest stuff to get out of the colon. The probiotics help to break it up and make it slippery. I had a bit of a headache and felt weird yesterday, but I released a bunch of weird stuff and it was hot this morning, and I am feeling better and lighter. I haven't lot any more weight, but I feel lighter so I think it will come. I have also figured out how to drink enough water-- instead of grabbing a snack or a piece of fruit, I drink water first, I have stayed much better hydrated that way. I am making progress, it feels good. I'm not so upset about eating mostly salad all the time anymore either, I can see and feel the results and it is worth it! Oh and I have to share this-- my 14 yr. old daughter produced the whole thing, I love listening to her play the piano! : http://youtu.be/DvjVFn4oRj8

Getting Healthy #5

Ok so a couple days after that last post, I released a huge mass of dark red degenerative material probably a foot long and 2 inches around! I felt completely different once that was gone and I finally got below the next 10 on the scale. I have felt lighter and healthier. I am relieved, so I had a harder time focusing on my eating after that because I was so relieved. I had a decent colonic yesterday, but I have to keep focused still and remember to drink my water and Vicki says I need to eat even more greens! But I feel good. I am down 10 lbs, my back fat rolls are gone and my waist is coming back. It feels so good. I have more energy too. I am so grateful. Thank you Vicki, thank you wheatgrass juice, rejuvelac, cleansing herbs, almond shake, watermelon, beets, kale, collards, sesame and flax seeds, comfrey, yummy salad dressings, fruit and water!! Vicki has me finishing my herbs and cleansing shake this week, I'll be diligent in my eating protocols and hopefully I won't have to go in every week, and I'll be back on track soon!

Getting Healthy, more cleansing #4

I have finished up two more colonics. Last week, Vicki was very happy with me because we were getting to some very core stuff, parasites, worms, gall bladder bile, and what she calls cancer spiders, precancerous degenerative material. I was plenty hydrated and it felt good to get flushed like that. I was dealing with some more church stuff, really bizarre behaviors, and she told me that Satan was really on my case and that because Of the mind / body connection and me cleaning out my body and getting to some very deep core stuff in my body, that it was also manifesting itself in the physical world. I thought that was a little weird, but I did take strength from it and prayed a lot and was able to face some of these challenges with my church that I've had and face them head on and stand up to people and solidify in my mind what is right and wrong, what is ok and what is not, what the gospel is and what it isn't what The Lord expects of me and what He doesn't. It was very empowering and peace giving. I had been so confused about our issues, but I understand them better now, and will write about it in a different post. But it was partly because I chose to tackle my physical issues head on that my spiritual and social issues were also coming up, but I had the strength to face those too. I am very grateful. Then the following week I had some stools full of some dark red material mixed with a greenish gray weird looking stuff. So I asked about it and Vicki said it is degenerative mucus and it's wrapped around with parasites. We got out about 2 feet worth of that stuff at my colonic yesterday. I'm going to increase my herbs a little bit and make sure I get in my rejuvelac and wheatgrass juice, but basically I just have to keep doing what I'm doing. The scale hadn't changed since my initial weight loss, but my clothes are getting looser and I can wear things I haven't been able to wear in a while. I'm starting to get a waist again too which is nice and better than anything else, I have tons more energy, I can go all day without needing a nap or to lay down so I don't develop a headache or migraine. The bumps that I developed early in the cleanse had reduced a lot and my body is cleaning itself out. I know a lot of it is due to the blessing my husband gave me when I was worried about the bumps on various parts of my body and the fear that I had waited too long to do this. He blessed me that I will be healthy and that my body would rid itself of whatever was ailing me. I really feel that this is saving my life, and I am so grateful because there is so much I want to do with and for my kids and my husband. It is hard, but the benefit is so worth it.

Getting Healthy # 3

Ok, so 2 weeks ago I went in for my 3rd colonic, I was a little dehydrated and not much came out. I also developed a couple cysts in different areas of my body which was concerning to me. Vicki basically told me that I'd better really focus on my health, exercise hard, make sure I drank the wheatgrass juice and rejuvelac, eat those salads and beets, drink enough water, etc. or my body was not going to be able to cleanse and heal. So I was pretty scared because I could see and feel for myself that I needed to step it up. I was reading about my different ailments, knowledge is power. By the weekend though, I was totally sick of it all, I wanted to stop because it is so hard to make all that fresh healthy food and drink all that water, etc, etc, and clean the house and take care of everybody, and make a separate meal for the family and also try to figure out how to get them al to eat more salad and veggies and hope that they are getting the nutrition they need. My husband helped me see things logically, that I am feeling better generally, that it is probably not as dire as Vicki made it sound, that I didn't have any cravings and that I have given birth to 8 children and my baby is only 1 yr.old and it is going to take time to recover from that. I was mad that I needed to go in for colonics, like isn't there a better way where I can cleanse all on my own. But my husband told me he sees it as reconstructive, my body has been through a lot and it may take some time and some outside help to get it into a better place. I felt a lot better but then I still had some intense fear about the cleanse not working and not being able to raise my children, so I asked my husband to give me a blessing a day or so later. My husband gave me a blessing of healing, that my body would be able to cleanse itself, my body systems would function normally and that I would know that he and my children enjoy spending time with me and that I will be able to enjoy them too and that I wouldn't worry. I felt better, but the fear was still there, so I prayed and the fear is gone. I have made my health my top priority, Vicki had me add in some stronger herbs, I've gotten in most my water, rejuvelac and wheatgrass. So this last colonic I had was much much better. My body had been dumping stuff all week, I have a lot more peristaltic action, and we are through the excess fecal matter in my colon and on to the degenerative junk. I released a worm and some parasites and some precancerous chunks as well as some mucus. Vicki says the mucus is the hardest to get rid of so she was really pleased to see that. I know it's gross to talk about, but it is the reality for me, I would rather have it out the still in. Also she said some of those parasites were brown which means they are dying and then my body is releasing them. So this is a very good thing. My energy is still up, the baby is handling the cleanse fine, it's still not a full on cleanse. The full on cleanse is so much faster but I want to keep nursing especially since this is my last baby. So I feel like I am going to survive and be able to live a long healthy productive life, it may be a little difficult to get there but I'm on my way, I just gotta keep going!

Getting Healthy #2

I went in for my second colonic on Tuesday. The first week went well, but I really should have gone in right after, my colon therapist was right about needing to go every week til my bowel is more healthy, so the second week didn't go as well, I didn't feel as good, I had some visual flashes and some headaches, I hardly exercised because I didn't feel good and I didn't drink enough water and I ate too much regular food. So sure enough by the time I went in, I had developed a block, it took some soaking and little time to get past it, but once we did, my colon happily released a ton of stuff, it felt so much better, Vicki also told me that I needed to drink more water and eat more of the mature kale instead of just the baby salad kale to get enough good fiber to help scrub things out. I was able to held the water for 50 seconds which is pretty good and it looks like we got to about halfway of my colon being cleared and now that June is over, that's where my focus will be and I will go in every week til my bowels can do more on their own. it is much easier and effective to do her full on cleanse, but I can't do that while nursing, but this is a very good alternative. I had finally lost about 5 lbs. before my colonic, but gained it back that second week. Now yesterday I weighed and I'm down 6 lbs. overall. I'm feeling good again, definitely lighter, it is so nice and so worth it. And since I've been through this before, I know it works well for me and I know how to prepare all the different foods and dressings so it's not too bad, I'm making healthier tasty meals for the fam too. Definitely progress! I really hate being fat, so that aspect will be nice too. Yay!

Kidisms

#6 was scared of the fireworks, he actually went to sleep curled up not looking. He is good at getting what he wants, he will ask me, can I have a frozen fruit? And then he will smile at me til I say yes. He has learned to put his own shoes on and he can buckle himself in the car. He was having a lot of pee accidents but he got in trouble an his daddy gave him a talking to and now he's fine. The same thing happened with #5 when he was potty training, dad had to give him a talk and then he would go in the potty. When I say yes to something, both the twins will say yay! And run or skip away to do or get whatever I said yes to. #6 also told my husband that he needs a haircut, my husband has been bugging me about giving all the boys haircuts, so I guess we will do it tomorrow, I'm getting pretty good at it. #7 got a burn from touching his sparkler last night, fortunately it was very small and he went to bed with an ice cube on it. He will want to do something or wear something or whatever and I will explain why not and what to do or wear instead and he will say oh yeah, and do it. Last night he wanted to sleep in the bunk bed, he slept there for awhile and then I decided to have him and his twin sleep on their crib mattresses for beds so that we don't have to buy another bunk bed yet, and #3 &5 always sleep on the floor anyway, but this way those 3 boys each have a twin bed if they want to use it and the twins sleep on their mattresses, so anyway, I told him that he needed to sleep in the little bed because he's little, that he and #6 should sleep in the little beds, and he said oh yeah, and was fine. So cute. The twins also wanted me to read a little book to them instead of just the chapter book, so I did. To get my attention he will say mom, mom, mommy, mom, mom, mommy over and over again, I will be right in the middle of cutting something or talking to one of the older kids or whatever, it is extremely annoying. I got mad at him and couple times and told him not to do that, he might not have done it at all yesterday, I will take note, he is learning to wait and take his turn, hard lesson. So tonight for beds, as usual #3 slept on the floor, he says he doesn't like his bed. #5 used to always sleep in his bed, but stopped because the light burned out and he wanted to be closer to the hall light so he started sleeping on the floor too, now the light is fixed, and I think # 3&4 slept on the floor, #5 slept in the bottom bunk, I had originally given him that bed, but he never slept in it, so I let #7 sleep there and then #5 wanted it again, but I wouldn't let him, but I think we are situated now. I do not understand why nobody wants the top bunk! They have finally been able to clean their room by themselves, they shove everything in their closet, I finally got enough stuff out of there that they can do it, they think I don't notice, we'll clean out their closets again sometime, I'm just glad to have a nice big clear floor in there now. We went to the park today with our homeschool friends, it was the best time I have had at the park in a very long time-- like since before the twins were born. Every child had someone to play with and was happy, I could see everyone from where we were chatting and they were all wonderful and there was a nice breeze blowing. The twins even went off and played on their own and found some friends, one was a little girl who helped #7 put his shoe on backwards. It was cute and it was so nice for me. My life is finally getting to a manageable state where I am still not keeping up with everything, but I am not drowning anymore, it is really nice, I'm starting to feel like a regular person again. The twins being potty trained is probably the biggest reason for that, I used to spend probably 2 hours a day changing their diapers. They are also becoming more independent and that is freeing me up too, most of my time went to filling the needs of one and then filling the need of the other and then back and forth again and again. So now as they are growing up, my duties are being eased doubly, so not only was the work for them doubly and more intense because it was so constant, it is now easing up doubly,very interesting to experience. The baby is super busy and has loved to put things in his mouth from the time he was old enough to do so. He loves the dirtiest things he can find, the vacuum, the broom, the dog food, etc. yesterday my husband watched him lock the dustpan, and I found him going for the dog poop outside. He is keeping us on our toes, but he is of course super cute and he is the first one to like his dad at that age, which is nice too. He was not scared of the fireworks either.

Getting healthy!

OK, so I eat very cleanly-- I will eat some processed packaged foods from the health food store, so the ingredients are fairly good, and that is about the worst thing I have eaten for the past 5 yrs. or so-- Although after this baby was born, I experimented a bit to see if it mattered so I would eat regular stuff when we went out or went to social gatherings, I also added some raw cheese to our diet because I felt like the kids needed more animal foods and I also enjoyed some good rich dark chocolate on occasion-- that's supposed to be good for you, right? I also started exercising regularly and really making progress there, but I hit a base weight and no matter how much water I drank and salads I ate and hours I exercised, that number was not budging. Plus, I had a belly that wasn't going away either regardless of how many ab exercises I did. Then I started getting weird ailments and infections. I was able to get over most of them, but I started having migraine auras, I was thankful they weren't full on migraines, but they were becoming more frequent. I decided to cut out the cheese and the chocolate. The migraines subsided. I watched my water intake more carefully and kept exercising, but I still just didn't feel real good-- just tired, kind of sluggish and that sort of thing. Anyway, I felt like I had done everything I could do on my own and that even though I am nursing I needed to go get a colonic, so even though I don't want to do a full on cleanse yet, I could do a little bit of colon cleansing. So once the kids were out of school and things calmed down for a bit, I went and got a colonic 2 weeks ago. Vicki, my colon therapist was happy to see me and I was happy to see her. It was nice to get caught up and sure enough my bowel was a bit backed up. She gave me some herbs and raw foods and lots of recommendations to get my bowel moving again. So for the past 2 weeks I've been taking her herbs, alternating drinking water and eating every hour or 2, eating lots of watermelon and beets and kale salad with her healthy and tasty dressings, I have also been drinking rejuvelac and eating seed cheese, sprouts and veggies. I have been feeling sooooooo much better. I have more energy and I just feel better. I don't need to lie down as much and even though this has been an incredibly busy w eek, I've been fine and felt good. It is so nice! My bowel movements are healthier too. I went in for another colonic yesterday, and sure enough things are moving much better and Vicki said my color looks so much better, I think some of my gray hairs have gone away too. These next 2 weeks I'm going to add wheatgrass juice and step exercises to strengthen my muscles in the pelvic region. I am very grateful and didn't want to forget all this. I haven't lost any weight yet, but my pot belly has gone down noticeably according to my husband. So I am on my way and thought it would be good to have it recorded along the way!

Playing the Organ

There is not one person who plays the organ in our ward and only a handful of us play the piano. So they called one of the pianists to play the organ and she called me to fill in so she could go out of town. After asking if I really was the last resort and if I could play the organ without the foot pedals, I agreed to do it. Wow! You haven't played a hymn til you've played it loudly on the organ in a church building. It was really cool. I learned which settings to put the organ on so I could play without the pedals. They actually picked some pretty hard hymns, so I really had to practice. I was so nervous last night, and this morning. But once I got there and was able to play the prelude, I was fine although I was extremely nervous. But I did it! And it was actually pretty fun, and I didn't make too many mistakes! I want to do it again! I would love to learn how to really play the organ. I found a free online course by BYU. I may try it. We'll see, the biggest hurdle is that I don't have an organ or a key to the church or permission to practice there. I'll have to see what I can do about that!

General Conference 2013

This weekend was General Conference for our church.  For the first time since these biannual conferences began, we had 2 women give prayers.  I think it's great.  I had never really thought about it,  but when it was brought to my attention, I did think it was a bit odd that no woman had ever prayed before in conference, now I'm thinking maybe it's a bit odd that there were only 2 women speakers out of about 25 speakers altogether, and that is just how it has always been.  I would like to hear from some of the wives of our leaders, and I think it might be nice to have a little more representation in church decisions.  One step at a time.  One thing that does give me comfort is that the church always seems to go the right direction, even if there are bumps and adjustments along the way.  There were some great talks that were inspiring and other talks that were not so inspiring, and one that I just had to take a break from, but overall I think it was a pretty good conference as far as conferences go.  I will definitely be reviewing the talks over the next couple weeks.

My kids make me smile

I really do have great kids-- these are some of the things they've done to make me smile today!

#6 went #1 and #2 in the potty twice today!! yay!!  He's really close to being completely trained- only one accident.  He answers questions other people ask each other-- it is so cute.  He often puts his index finger up when he answers-- like "it's uptairs, mommy"  He doesn't pronounce his "sss".  He can be a little stinker though, today he tried to take an orange away from his twin brother because he just didn't want him to have one. 

The twins are so cute when they play together and talk to each other,  but they won't repeat anything so I can get it on film, I'm going to have to try to be more sly.  They will call for each other when there is something interesting going to happen and they have started to refer to themselves as we-- we need shoes, mom or we need pants, mom.  Soooooooo cute!

#7 is a character.  He is so full of happiness, innocence and joy.  Before we potty trained him, if we smelled a poopy diaper we would ask who has a dirty diaper and he would respond without hardly moving his mouth-- "itwasme"-- no space between words either and lots of jumping.  He also moves his eyebrows and wants me to see him do funny things.

The three older boys have been having a ball in their room, we finally got it all clean and they have all the matresses on the floor-- it's their homemade trampoline!

The baby is as smiley as can be and he is sweet and precious too.  I can't help but smile when I look at him.

The girls have tried to get out of all kinds of chores-- they are funny-- no more getting away with it though, they'll be helping with dinner every night this week!!

Spring is finally here.  The weather has been awesome, it has been so nice to be outside.  It feels so good!

Church Drama- Young Women's

I think I need to be better at acknowledging the good things that happen at church.  This past year when we commuted from Layton to take our family to church in our new ward, there was no drama.  People were exactly how you would want your faith community to be- loving, accepting and tolerant.  We loved the ward, the leadership was generally nice and the Young Women leaders were normal and were interested in getting to know me as a person.  I liked them, and I really appreciated that.  The bishopric was really on top of it too.  They were really good at overseeing the whole ward, they knew who was in which callings and they seemed to be in tune with at least the things I noticed.  It was a much needed respite.  The only bad thing was that the ward was so big, it became unsafe for us to continue meeting in our tiny building. 

So unfortunately that respite has come to an end, our ward was split, the line went right through our backyard separating us from most of our favorite people, and now the all too familiar drama of church has returned to our lives.  Actually, the primary and scouts seem to be mostly normal-- though they do have their quirks, but Young Women's is bizarre.  So really instead of being disappointed in the dissatisfactory church experience, I am now pleasantly surprised when things go well.  Bizarre happenings, people ignoring each other, no common courtesy and manners being used-- that is really the new norm for me at church, and I should be blogging about when things go well and good at church, because that is the anomoly it seems these days.  I could have written tons of blog posts on weird things that happened at church in our Layton ward, and this new ward is following right along that same path.  The difference is that I expect it and thus I won't be taken by surprise and run over while trying to get over the shock.

I'm not going to go into details, because I don't want to hurt people's feelings, but the bottom line for me at church is that if the leaders are not following the scriptures, the Savior and the gospel, then I am not obligated to follow them.  2 Nephi 26:20-33 really spoke to me:

 20 And the Gentiles are lifted up in the ^apride of their eyes, and have ^bstumbled, because of the greatness of their ^cstumbling block, that they have built up many ^dchurches; nevertheless, they ^eput down the power and miracles of God, and preach up unto themselves their own wisdom and their own ^flearning, that they may get gain and ^ggrind upon the face of the poor.

 21 And there are many churches built up which cause ^aenvyings, and ^bstrifes, and ^cmalice.

 22 And there are also secret ^acombinations, even as in times of old, according to the combinations of the ^bdevil, for he is the founder of all these things; yea, the founder of murder, and ^cworks of darkness; yea, and he leadeth them by the neck with a flaxen cord, until he bindeth them with his strong cords forever.

 23 For behold, my beloved brethren, I say unto you that the Lord God worketh not in ^adarkness.

 24 He doeth not ^aanything save it be for the benefit of the world; for he ^bloveth the world, even that he layeth down his own life that he may draw ^call men unto him. Wherefore, he commandeth none that they shall not partake of his salvation.

 25 Behold, doth he cry unto any, saying: Depart from me? Behold, I say unto you, Nay; but he saith: ^aCome unto me all ye ^bends of the earth, ^cbuy milk and honey, without money and without price.

 26 Behold, hath he commanded any that they should ^adepart out of the synagogues, or out of the houses of worship? Behold, I say unto you, Nay.

 27 Hath he commanded any that they should not partake of his ^asalvation? Behold I say unto you, Nay; but he hath ^bgiven it free for all men; and he hath commanded his people that they should persuade all men to ^crepentance.

 28 Behold, hath the Lord commanded any that they should not partake of his goodness? Behold I say unto you, Nay; but ^aall men are privileged the one ^blike unto the other, and none are forbidden.

 29 He commandeth that there shall be no ^apriestcrafts; for, behold, priestcrafts are that men preach and set ^bthemselves up for a light unto the world, that they may get ^cgain and ^dpraise of the world; but they seek not the ^ewelfare of Zion.

 30 Behold, the Lord hath forbidden this thing; wherefore, the Lord God hath given a commandment that all men should have ^acharity, which ^bcharity is ^clove. And except they should have charity they were nothing. Wherefore, if they should have charity they would not suffer the laborer in Zion to perish.

 31 But the ^alaborer in ^bZion shall labor for Zion; for if they labor for ^cmoney they shall perish.

 32 And again, the Lord God hath ^acommanded that men should not murder; that they should not lie; that they should not ^bsteal; that they should not take the name of the Lord their God in ^cvain; that they should not ^denvy; that they should not have ^emalice; that they should not contend one with another; that they should not commit ^fwhoredoms; and that they should do none of these things; for whoso doeth them shall perish.

 33 For none of these iniquities come of the Lord; for he doeth that which is good among the children of men; and he doeth nothing save it be plain unto the children of men; and he ^ainviteth them ^ball to ^ccome unto him and partake of his goodness; and he ^ddenieth none that come unto him, black and white, ^ebond and free, male and female; and he remembereth the ^fheathen; and all are alike unto God, both Jew and Gentile.

 Christ turns no one away ever.  If there is envyings, strifes, malice-- people trying to make you feel bad about yourself-- it is not of God.  He doeth that which is good among the children of men.  Oh and he doesn't love Mormons any more than any one else on the earth, even the heathen.  We aren't better than anyone else, we are all children of God.  I am tired of hearing how much more righteous we are, how more blessed we are, etc.  It's a bunch of bull.

Mormon Funnies

Our ward was recently split and I was released from the primary presidency and put in as the primary chorister every other week.  My 8 yob Came home from church one Sunday when I did not lead the music and asked me if I had lost my job-- mom did you get fired from your job?

In sharing time yesterday, the stake presidency gave a message, the sister asked the kids what this pretty flower she brought made them think of-- puke said one small boy.

I had the pianist play Count Your Blessings and I asked if anyone knew the name of the song-- I do, I do. Count Your Many Slebbings--  it made much more sense when he learned the that Slebbings are actually blessings!

Mother Teresa quote

This quote was on Wikipedia from Mother Teresa.  I think she is right on.  Being pushed out, unwanted and unloved is worse than being hungry.  

Mother Teresa stated that earthly rewards were important only if they helped her help the world's needy. When Mother Teresa received the Nobel Peace Prize, she was asked, "What can we do to promote world peace?" She answered "Go home and love your family." In her Nobel Lecture, she said: "Around the world, not only in the poor countries, but I found the poverty of the West so much more difficult to remove. When I pick up a person from the street, hungry, I give him a plate of rice, a piece of bread, I have satisfied. I have removed that hunger. But a person that is shut out, that feels unwanted, unloved, terrified, the person that has been thrown out from society—that poverty is so hurtable [sic] and so much, and I find that very difficult." She also singled out abortion as 'the greatest destroyer of peace in the world'.

Recipe for Natural or Pioneer yeast Bread

Well, I have been baking a ton of bread- like I said last post-  I think I finally have it figured out.

The natural yeast start that I got from my neighbor is really really good.  Mail me a self-addressed stamped envelope and I'll send you some-- I still haven't gotten my Christmas cards out- although I did give some to my family that live nearby-- so that is an improvement from the last three years so maybe next year-- anyway it's the finding an envelope, finding and writing the address and finding a stamp that are my problem, but if that's all done I think I can handle having one of my kids put the envelope in our mailbox with the flag up-- thus...

I have been baking bread just about everyday since my older kids started going to school so they could have something fairly easy to eat and transport and healthy for lunch.  So I have been feeding my start about everyday-- it has liked that and raises more quickly than it did when I first started.  I have found it can be used in any recipe calling for yeast-- just substitute about 1 cup of natural yeast for every Tablespoon of dry yeast.  The rising times will be much longer-- but that is more time for the yeast to break down the gluten.

So here is my current favorite recipe and process:

First I warm up some filtered water in the tea kettle, then I grind some wheat and get out the bread mixer.  I pour in 5 cups of warm water, 1 Tablespoon of Real salt, about 1/4-1/2 cup of extra virgin coconut oil, and about 1/2-1 cup of raw honey-- the warm water starts melting the honey and oil.  then I add about 5-6 cups of whole wheat flour- usually an equal ratio of hard white wheat and soft white wheat and 2 - 2 1/2 cups of unbleached white flour and finally about 2-3 cups of natural yeast starter.  I turn on the mixer and let it all combine, then I let it sit for a little bit- 15 min. is ideal.  I grind more wheat or wash dishes or change a diaper for a minute or whatever-- but I think this step could be skip and sometimes I just skip it.  Then finally I add cups of whole wheat flour as the mixer is mixing until the dough no longer clings to the bowl, right as it just begins to cling to itself-- this is usually another 4-7 cups depending on how much water I actually use since I am not an exact measurer.  I then push the timer button on my mixer and I think it kneads for 6-7 minutes.

I then cover the bowl with saran wrap since my lid is broken and let it rise til at least double or it is ready to flow out of the bowl and onto the counter.  Today it only took about 3 hours-- I let it go another hour.  Then it is ready to be shaped into loaves. I punch the dough down to let it rest while I grease my loaf pans.  Then I shape them simply by pulling them into a nice round dough ball and dumping them pretty side up in the loaf pan. They should rise 1 1/2- 2 hours-- a little longer won't hurt, but too long they will start to sink.

You can then bake them at 350 for about 30- 45 minutes or until they reach 180 degrees on the inside.  Yummy!!

Kids and Bread

I just have to say that I have The Cutest Kids.  They are all so different and so interesting.  We call our baby - so cute-- because whenever anybody looks at him he smiles and he sucks his thumb.  He is my first thumb sucker.  I wasn't too happy about it at first, but it is cute and he will stop eventually.  #6 says things the cutest way- typing it won't do it justice-- I will keep trying to get it on video.  They all have their cute things.  It's a lot of fun.  The younger ones all did yoga with me today-- so cute!!  Now if we can just get completely over our illnesses and not catch a new one!!

Anyway, I also wanted to record here that I have finally mastered healthy bread making.  My loaves are super good tasting, made with natural yeast, not sour, and whole wheat with a long rise to break down the gluten.  There is just 2 cups of white flour for every 8-10 cups of whole wheat.  I have even made some very tasty burger buns. I am very proud of myself.  Heaven knows I baked a LOT of bricks!!  email me at jaraagape@gmail.com if you want a start-- I mailed some to my bro in VA and it turned out fine. 

Tot ziens-- (til next time in Dutch)

What a Day

What a Day, what a week what a cold cold month!  My cute twin boys turned 3 today!  I can hardly believe it!  They have changed our lives forever, these past 4 years (including the twin pregnancy) have been about the hardest ever.  So the twins got sick right before Christmas, achy, fever, cough,  they we finally getting over it especially the one who was the sickest with a cough/ puke thing.  I was  so glad it looked like we were finally coming out of the sick stage and back into normalcy with the prospect of a party today, but alas #6 started throwing up last night and the washing machine died!!  Then later in the day, #7 also started puking.

Later in the day my husband wanted to get an elliptical machine at Costco. I had to go with him cause we've had trouble with the truck not starting so he wanted to leave it running so I had to go to stay with it, anyway, we took the 3 littlest ones cause  I thought they'd go to sleep on the way-- no such luck-- # 7 puked, so I cleaned that up and gathered a grocery bag full trash in the van and a grocery bag full of puke clothes, and I cleaned out my purse.  Then, I was going to feed the baby and fund that he had had a MAJOR blowout, so I had to change him, but the wipes were frozen because we've been parking in the driveway so the kids can run around in the garage -- anyway-- that was fun and Costco was sold out!!  We had gone a couple weeks ago, but Costco had closed early "due to unforeseen circumstances"-- anyway my husband is pretty sure he has uncanny bad luck.  I think maybe his expectations are too high-- you know expecting that someone will be open during business hours and wanting to sell things they have listed for sale.

So we went over to Lowes for a washing machine.  I found some baked cheese puffs which made the twins happy and the baby w happy, the van was nice and toasty.  Our new washer will hopefully be delivered this week.  When we got home, my husband washed to pukey clothes in the sink, and we found that the 5 yr.old had been so enthralled with his wii game that he hadn't quite made it to the toilet.  Wow!  Oh then #7 had some diarrhea.

We postponed the b-day party to a day they will be able to enjoy it.  Now we are watching Diego, Dora and Thomas the Train.  I will miss my sweet babies when they grow, but I will enjoy not cleaning up gross bodily fluids and I will enjoy getting enough sleep!

Happy Birthday Boys!  I love you!