my new gratitude journal blog

I have started a new blog with lots of happy things!! I have complained my fair share and I thought it is time for a more uplifting happy/fun new blog. It's been fun, check it out -- www.appreciatethegood.wordpress.com I'll post here sporadically as usual, nothing to complain about recently, I'm getting back to reading, I love homeschooling. We went on an awesome road trip through Canada, I'll be posting pics and details on my homeschooling blog-- www.academichomeschooling.wordpress.com

Health Update

I have been healing a ton. I hardly have any anxiety going to church at all anymore. I am at peace. Even when people say stupid things, it doesn't bother me. It's actually kind of weird. But I have set my boundaries and my priorities and I know that I will not give in to what others tell me I should do unless I feel it is the right thing for me to do. I am totally fine saying no, but it has been nice to not have to say no much here because the people have been so good. My kids are all doing well and are making friends. I am making friends. So we are in a much healthier environment full of support and love and it has made a huge impact on my health. I feel tons better. I have even started running again and my belly fat is going down. I adjusted the self talk I was doing and adjusted my attitude towards my body also. Anytime I thought about how ugly I am or how this stubborn fat is just hanging there, I would say to my self: I am beautiful, I am healthy, I am loved. When we were on one of our trips I noticed a woman jogger who was obviously fit but had a bit of skin hanging out of her tank top in back at the top, and I remembered how when I was a teen and on the cross country team how I still would find some fat to make my body imperfect and I thought to myself, where does this end? There will always be some imperfection in my body as there are in all mortal bodies unless you are a movie star or Olympic athlete and workout 8 hrs/day. So I started that self talk of loving my body and thanking my body for the many good things it does for me all the time even the belly fat that supported 7 pregnancies including twins and made it possible for me to have my 8 children. My body is healthy, it is good enough and I love it truly. I feel tons better. I still eat tons of salad and a green smoothie everyday. I am also slowly adding more regular foods to my diet and paying attention to how they affect me. It is a much healthier way of living and eating.

Arrogance and Pride

I have been reading and understanding the scriptures with new eye and a fresh perspective recently. It has been really nice and I am learning a lot. One thing that has become apparent to me is how much the Lord really doesn't like arrogance and pride. It is mentioned in the scriptures often, sometimes every line or verse of a whole section. Here are some scriptures from 2 Nephi 26. 20 And the Gentiles are lifted up in the pride of their eyes, and have stumbled, because of the greatness of their stumbling block, that they have built up many churches; nevertheless, they put down the power and miracles of God, and preach up unto themselves their own wisdom and their own learning, that they may get gain and grind upon the face of the poor. 29 He commandeth that there shall be no priestcrafts; for, behold, priestcrafts are that men preach and set themselves up for a light unto the world, that they may get gain and praise of the world; but they seek not the welfare of Zion. Here's a whole section in one of the Isaiah chapters 2 Ne. 12: 11 And it shall come to pass that the lofty looks of man shall be humbled, and the haughtiness of men shall be bowed down, and the Lord alone shall be exalted in that day. 12 For the day of the Lord of Hosts soon cometh upon all nations, yea, upon every one; yea, upon the proud and lofty, and upon every one who is lifted up, and he shall be brought low. 13 Yea, and the day of the Lord shall come upon all the cedars of Lebanon, for they are high and lifted up; and upon all the oaks of Bashan; 14 And upon all the high mountains, and upon all the hills, and upon all the nations which are lifted up, and upon every people; 15 And upon every high tower, and upon every fenced wall; 16 And upon all the ships of the sea, and upon all the ships of Tarshish, and upon all pleasant pictures. 17 And the loftiness of man shall be bowed down, and the haughtiness of men shall be made low; and the Lord alone shall be exalted in that day. 18 And the idols he shall utterly abolish. There are certainly a lot more, and it has been interesting to notice those verses. It is also validating to me in my dealings with people who have been "over" me at church, because I really don't take issue with them until they try to make me do something I don't feel comfortable with and then try to make me feel bad about having an issue and becoming frustrated with me for not just going along like a good little peasant in the kingdom. It helps me see that I was right to stand up for myself and I was right to say no. I also recognize how awful it feels to be treated that way and I understand why the Lord hates it so much. I also don't ever want to make anyone else feel that way, so I have to keep my own pride in check especially with those who have had ill will towards me. I must forgive them and love them anyway, but I do not have to do what they say. Anyway, it is a tough balance. But the Lord helps and teaches and supports when we are humble and open to finding His will through the scriptures and through prayer. Every situation and person is different and only He knows what is best for each of us. May we continue to seek His will for us.

Growing Pains in the Church

The recent news that Kate Kelly of Ordain Women, John Dehlin of Mormon stories and Rock Waterman of the blog Pure Mormonism are being excommunicated for apostacy is really sad to me.  I don't agree with them on everything, I haven't read all their stuff or even listened to any podcasts, but it seems to me that they are trying to find their way within Mormonism.  If there is anything I have learned over my life, growing up in Mexico, spending time in Europe and even traveling to Asia and living in the "promised land" (Utah) and in California and Texas and now on the East coast, it is that people are people.  We are each individuals with individual needs and experiences with varying talents gifts and understandings.  There is room in the gospel for everyone on their varying journeys performing their varying life missions and responsibilities.  Jesus loves us all, he wants us to be happy.  He does not turn people away bcause they are different, they have a different way of seeing things, or they express their opinions.  He listens, He is there. He justs waits patiently with love and long-suffering.  He answers our prayers even when we are in trouble due to our own poor choices.  We should try to do the same.   2 Nephi 26:

 24 He doeth not anything save it be for the benefit of the world; for he loveth the world, even that he layeth down his own life that he may draw all men unto him. Wherefore, he commandeth none that they shall not partake of his salvation.

 25 Behold, doth he cry unto any, saying: Depart from me? Behold, I say unto you, Nay; but he saith: Come unto me all ye ends of the earth, buy milk and honey, without money and without price.

 26 Behold, hath he commanded any that they should depart out of the synagogues, or out of the houses of worship? Behold, I say unto you, Nay.

 27 Hath he commanded any that they should not partake of his salvation? Behold I say unto you, Nay; but he hath given it free for all men; and he hath commanded his people that they should persuade all men to repentance.

 28 Behold, hath the Lord commanded any that they should not partake of his goodness? Behold I say unto you, Nay; but all men are privileged the one like unto the other, and none are forbidden.

Now I understand the case with Kate Kelly is a bit different from the other two because she seems to be rallying for a cause, but I think our leaders should at least sit down with her and listen to her and let her know of their sincere love and concern and try to work something out.  Also, if the answer is "no, the Lord has directly directed that women are not to participate in church government the way men do", then they need to listen to the grievances and come up with a way for these women members to feel safe and important for real at church.  I think it could be done.  But it would take some dialogue, some praying and pondering and probably some humility.  Just cutting someone out like that is just going to make her followers feel more unwelcome and unaccepted at church and the conversation is just going to keep going.

The other bad side effect of all this is all the news coverage all over the place.  People who might otherwise accept the Book of Mormon and learn of Christ through our church will not even consider it, because "what a weird church" - kicking out members for supporting women and gay people, and especially that ad campaign that tries to show otherwise.  

I think the underlying problem in all of this is authoritarianism.  It is just human as described in D&C 121:

  39 We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose, they will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion.

I don't think "all men" excludes high up leaders in the church.

We have been studying US history and the constitution and I would say that overall, the constitution has had quite a positive impact on the world. At least part of the reason the Constitution has been so good is that it built in a series of checks and balances to protect the everyday people from overreaching governmental bodies.  It also built in a way for the people being ruled to switch out their rulers and for the rulers to answer to the people.  Maybe something of that sort would work in the church?  Bring back common consent?  Honestly I think that this will all work itself out for the better.  I think the conversations and dialogue need to happen.  There are people in the church who are hurting.  We need them, they need us, we all need each other.  We need to not tell people they should just leave if they don't like it.  Many of them have testimonies and they want to stay, they want church to be a safe place for everyone.  It may be painful, but I think things will end up being much much better.  There is a lot of good in the church, we just need to keep that up and become even better.  And kudos to these brave souls willing to bring the subject ou into the open and giving the rest of us a chancet o consider other options and ideas.

Life is Short

Just yesterday I learned through Facebook that the Student body president of my high school class was hit by a drunk driver when he was cycling to work.  He was hospitalized but after no brain activity in 24 hrs., they took him off life support and that was it.  He left a wife and 3 young boys.  Very very sad.  He was a great person, very personable and outgoing and just nice, more so than most people ever become, and he was that way when I knew him in high school.  It is a shock when someone you know or knew is fine one day and just gone the next at a youngish age with no advanced notice or warning like a terminal illness.  It is a reminder to live each day to its fullest and make sure your loved ones know you care.  This life is just so fragile.

NYC and Philadelphia-- Travel log

Our schooling for the week consisted of major field tripping in NYC and Philadelphia.  It is no small task to get 8 children around the big city, and we did it with few mishaps and to prove it, we are all home now and alive and tired!

Last saturday we drove down through Brooklyn and Queens to Statten Island where we took the ferry to Manhatten.  Our strategy for all of this was to have the 3 little boys wear flourescent yellow shirts,  the 3 bigger boys wore matching neon blue and white striped shirts and the girls had matching pink and purple tie dye shirts, but it didn't really matter because the oldest wore her sweatshirt over the top most the time.  My husband wore an orange shirt and the backpack with diapers, change of clothes, water and snacks and pushed the baby in the umbrella stroller, he would lead the way through the city and I brought up the rear holding the twins' hands most all the time.  That way when we got to stairs he could easily hold the baby and carry the stroller because it's fairly light.  The matching shirts made it easy to see that we had everybody and that system worked pretty well for us.

We were able to see the Statue of Liberty pretty close up from the ferry which was free although there were a lot of people.  Then we took the subway to Times Square, walked around a bit, we had some street falafel sandwiches, then we walked on over to Grand Central station and had dinner.  They had an amazing assortment of all different kinds of food and it was all good, Iwa s glad to get my salad and be able to buy fairly healthy stuff.  Then we walked over to Trump Tower and looked around because we have watched a few seasons of the Apprentice.  It was starting to get dark, but we were able to walk to the edge of Central Park and take the subway back to the ferry station.  One of the lines was closed though and we didn't realize it, so we had to do some backtracking, but we did make it.  

We headed on over to our timeshare trade hotel/condo in Pennsylvania, it was about 2 hrs. away and we couldn't find the check in office and it was late enough that they were closed and not answering the phone, that we had to get a hotel, so our cheap week, they gave us ended up not being so cheap, but I chalk it up to travel learning-- make sure of their hours and make sure you know where you are going.  The other places we've stayed with our timeshare have had 24 hr. check in, so that was not wise of me to assume in this case, but oh well.

We were unable to check in to our condo until 10 am so we missed church, but we were all pretty tired so it was ok.  The town in PA was actually pretty weird.  It was a beautiful place but the people there were just strange, really not helpful and hard to communicate with, it was just weird.  But the condo ended up being nice and big and the pool was saltwater so that was nice since it was indoor, we swam a lot. 

 On Monday we drove 2 hrs. To Philadelphia.  The tours for Independence Hall were completely booked probably because of school field trips, but we did get a tour of where the Congress met and where the the first passing off of the presidency took place.  It was actually pretty cool.  Then we walked over to the Liberty Bell and the visitor center.  I really enjoyed the film they showed.  We were not impressed with the overall presentation of it all though, security was very meticulous and the attitude of the rangers was authoritarian and a bit joking.  They didn't seem to have the same appreciation we saw displayed in Williamsburg.  That was all we really had time for, but there is a lot to see and do there, we went to Trader Joe's and got food for the week and drove past the Museums and the planetarium which looked pretty cool. We also drove along the river, I think Philly is an alright place.

Tuesday, my husband worked online, which is why we could just take off, he can work from anywhere. The girls did some of their online school and the boys slept a bunch.  My brother and his family got into town that evening and we had a good time hanging out with them.  It was really nice to be able to do that sort of thing again.  I am really glad they were able to meet us, it was a last minute thing, and it worked out pretty well.  I did a little bit of schooling with the kids on Wed. and we went swimming.  Thurs. we explored the area and got muddy in the Delaware River and played mini golf and Friday we swam a bunch and cleaned and packed.

Then on Sat. again since my husband didn't have to work, we were headed home and decided to hit the Metropolitan Mueum of Art in Central Park in NYC.  The place I looked at to park said it would charge $15 extra dollars for oversize vehicles, which we have a 15 passenger van, when we got there, the guy said his garage wouldn't fit our van.  I asked him where we could park and he directed us to a garage just down the street.  That garage could fit us, I got out to talk to them and make sure.  The manager didn't want to take us, but when I asked him where else we could go, he said they might charget riple and I said fine, we need to park somewhere, he reluctantly said OK!  I was so relieved because I think his garage was not even online and I don't know how we would find one that would take us.

We walked about a mile to the museum and through Central Park.  It was much more relaxed than the previous trip and more like what it would be if you lived there.  So it was nice for the kids to have this new perspective of NYC.  We ate bread and oranges for lunch in Central Park to save money and time and then we walked on overt to the museum.  There were tons of people outside on the steps and food vendors in front and lots of people inside, but the museum is HUGE, it really didn't matter how many people there were.  I wanted to make sure and see the Renaissance paintings so we went there first.  It was so cool!  It was really nice when saw one we recognized from our studies.  I was more excited than the kids though, but I was really glad we could take them there, because it is going to make our studies more meaningful and will give them points of reference when we study them again.  I think we will put more emphasis on art study now, especially with the access to art museums we have now.

For each of the areas of the world, they had large displays to make it feel like you were there, a cathedral type space for Europe, a pyramid type space, actually a couple, for Europe, a Roman villa, an Indin temple with an amazing ceiling, a Japanese garden, etc.  I really liked being able to walk through many cultures and periods of time of the world all in one place, I hope the kids remember and it gives them perspective now as we continue to study history.  So cool, we only lasted about 4 1/2 hours before the kids were just too tired to go on.  We really just walked through most of the museum, we skipped most the American and Modern stuff, but we saw most of what we wanted to see.  I think the kids especially liked the Anciet Egypt displays, but it was all fantastic and nobody complained til the end when their little legs were so tired.  Even the little guys were interested, there was so much to see.

On the way home I saw we would be walking past The Candle Cafe of which I have their cookbook and everything I've made from it is super good, so my family graciously stopped there with me and waited in the rain while they made us a $15 vegan quesadilla.  Then we made it to the parking garage, got our van and gave the guy a huge tip, he was only going to charge us $20, my husband gave him $40 and his response was totally worth it, he was pretty happy and told us it was no problem for us to park there.  

All in all it was a great trip, I'm so glad we could go.  

Be Assertive!

So I've had to deal with some difficult situations and stand up for myself and say "no" to some unreasonable requests that were made of me.  I have really grown a lot, and I am really happy with the way things went.  I am really proud of myself, I may go into details later, but for now I want to share a book that really helped : 7 Easy Ways to Say "no" to Difficult People found here: http://www.amazon.com/Easy-Ways-Difficult-People-Boundaries-ebook/dp/B007Q13W7O

It has 7 different scenarios you may have to deal with in people trying to get you to do something, with examples of exactly what to say in each.  The first one is to not let them rush you, take your time to think it about it and make sure you want to help with whatever.  Another one is to think outside the box and find a solution that works for both of you.  Another one was to sympathize with them by saying,"yeah, that's too bad, but I'm sure you'll figure it out."  Another thing was to let there be silence and don't over explain.  There were a lot of other great points and the book was only $3!  So I highly recommend it.  I actually ended up dealing with about 5 of the scenarios last night with one person trying to get me to change my mind, and it went exactly the way my husband and I thought it would and I wasn't angry or mean or anything.  And I think it is now clear to that person, that I have been helping and that my expectations were not unreasonable.  But it really was uncanny how by the book it went, but that will be another post, because it was fascinating.  

I also started another book on being assertive, I don't think it's nearly as good as the one I just mentioned, but the first chapter was helpful and the following personal affirmations are really good.  If everyone felt his way about themselves, we'd have a lot less craziness!  A lot of the craziness comes from fear and lack of self confidence which comes from not being willing to admit failure or defeat.  So these affirmations would probably not work if you are not willingt o truly introspect and be willingt o face some hard truths about yourself first, and turn to the Lord sincerely.

I am a strong confident communicator.

I am worthy and deserving of respect.

I easily express my thoughts, opinions and desires.

I feel safe and secure about asking for what I want or need.

I allow myself to receive from others.

It's my right to say "no" and I exercise this right when I need to.

I am important, my views are important and my life is important.

I trust and believe in myself.

I feel for other people, but it is not reason to be taken advantage of.

I am comfortable and tense and difficult social situations.

These affirmations are good, we get so many negative affirmations, I think it's important to even them out with good ones.  I have also added My body is beautiful, amazing and healthy.  I am loved.  So far it has been helping.  Prayer helps and taking care of my body, treating it with the respect it deserves-- sleep, nutrition, exercise, etc.