Health Update

I have been healing a ton. I hardly have any anxiety going to church at all anymore. I am at peace. Even when people say stupid things, it doesn't bother me. It's actually kind of weird. But I have set my boundaries and my priorities and I know that I will not give in to what others tell me I should do unless I feel it is the right thing for me to do. I am totally fine saying no, but it has been nice to not have to say no much here because the people have been so good. My kids are all doing well and are making friends. I am making friends. So we are in a much healthier environment full of support and love and it has made a huge impact on my health. I feel tons better. I have even started running again and my belly fat is going down. I adjusted the self talk I was doing and adjusted my attitude towards my body also. Anytime I thought about how ugly I am or how this stubborn fat is just hanging there, I would say to my self: I am beautiful, I am healthy, I am loved. When we were on one of our trips I noticed a woman jogger who was obviously fit but had a bit of skin hanging out of her tank top in back at the top, and I remembered how when I was a teen and on the cross country team how I still would find some fat to make my body imperfect and I thought to myself, where does this end? There will always be some imperfection in my body as there are in all mortal bodies unless you are a movie star or Olympic athlete and workout 8 hrs/day. So I started that self talk of loving my body and thanking my body for the many good things it does for me all the time even the belly fat that supported 7 pregnancies including twins and made it possible for me to have my 8 children. My body is healthy, it is good enough and I love it truly. I feel tons better. I still eat tons of salad and a green smoothie everyday. I am also slowly adding more regular foods to my diet and paying attention to how they affect me. It is a much healthier way of living and eating.

Arrogance and Pride

I have been reading and understanding the scriptures with new eye and a fresh perspective recently. It has been really nice and I am learning a lot. One thing that has become apparent to me is how much the Lord really doesn't like arrogance and pride. It is mentioned in the scriptures often, sometimes every line or verse of a whole section. Here are some scriptures from 2 Nephi 26. 20 And the Gentiles are lifted up in the pride of their eyes, and have stumbled, because of the greatness of their stumbling block, that they have built up many churches; nevertheless, they put down the power and miracles of God, and preach up unto themselves their own wisdom and their own learning, that they may get gain and grind upon the face of the poor. 29 He commandeth that there shall be no priestcrafts; for, behold, priestcrafts are that men preach and set themselves up for a light unto the world, that they may get gain and praise of the world; but they seek not the welfare of Zion. Here's a whole section in one of the Isaiah chapters 2 Ne. 12: 11 And it shall come to pass that the lofty looks of man shall be humbled, and the haughtiness of men shall be bowed down, and the Lord alone shall be exalted in that day. 12 For the day of the Lord of Hosts soon cometh upon all nations, yea, upon every one; yea, upon the proud and lofty, and upon every one who is lifted up, and he shall be brought low. 13 Yea, and the day of the Lord shall come upon all the cedars of Lebanon, for they are high and lifted up; and upon all the oaks of Bashan; 14 And upon all the high mountains, and upon all the hills, and upon all the nations which are lifted up, and upon every people; 15 And upon every high tower, and upon every fenced wall; 16 And upon all the ships of the sea, and upon all the ships of Tarshish, and upon all pleasant pictures. 17 And the loftiness of man shall be bowed down, and the haughtiness of men shall be made low; and the Lord alone shall be exalted in that day. 18 And the idols he shall utterly abolish. There are certainly a lot more, and it has been interesting to notice those verses. It is also validating to me in my dealings with people who have been "over" me at church, because I really don't take issue with them until they try to make me do something I don't feel comfortable with and then try to make me feel bad about having an issue and becoming frustrated with me for not just going along like a good little peasant in the kingdom. It helps me see that I was right to stand up for myself and I was right to say no. I also recognize how awful it feels to be treated that way and I understand why the Lord hates it so much. I also don't ever want to make anyone else feel that way, so I have to keep my own pride in check especially with those who have had ill will towards me. I must forgive them and love them anyway, but I do not have to do what they say. Anyway, it is a tough balance. But the Lord helps and teaches and supports when we are humble and open to finding His will through the scriptures and through prayer. Every situation and person is different and only He knows what is best for each of us. May we continue to seek His will for us.

Growing Pains in the Church

The recent news that Kate Kelly of Ordain Women, John Dehlin of Mormon stories and Rock Waterman of the blog Pure Mormonism are being excommunicated for apostacy is really sad to me.  I don't agree with them on everything, I haven't read all their stuff or even listened to any podcasts, but it seems to me that they are trying to find their way within Mormonism.  If there is anything I have learned over my life, growing up in Mexico, spending time in Europe and even traveling to Asia and living in the "promised land" (Utah) and in California and Texas and now on the East coast, it is that people are people.  We are each individuals with individual needs and experiences with varying talents gifts and understandings.  There is room in the gospel for everyone on their varying journeys performing their varying life missions and responsibilities.  Jesus loves us all, he wants us to be happy.  He does not turn people away bcause they are different, they have a different way of seeing things, or they express their opinions.  He listens, He is there. He justs waits patiently with love and long-suffering.  He answers our prayers even when we are in trouble due to our own poor choices.  We should try to do the same.   2 Nephi 26:

 24 He doeth not anything save it be for the benefit of the world; for he loveth the world, even that he layeth down his own life that he may draw all men unto him. Wherefore, he commandeth none that they shall not partake of his salvation.

 25 Behold, doth he cry unto any, saying: Depart from me? Behold, I say unto you, Nay; but he saith: Come unto me all ye ends of the earth, buy milk and honey, without money and without price.

 26 Behold, hath he commanded any that they should depart out of the synagogues, or out of the houses of worship? Behold, I say unto you, Nay.

 27 Hath he commanded any that they should not partake of his salvation? Behold I say unto you, Nay; but he hath given it free for all men; and he hath commanded his people that they should persuade all men to repentance.

 28 Behold, hath the Lord commanded any that they should not partake of his goodness? Behold I say unto you, Nay; but all men are privileged the one like unto the other, and none are forbidden.

Now I understand the case with Kate Kelly is a bit different from the other two because she seems to be rallying for a cause, but I think our leaders should at least sit down with her and listen to her and let her know of their sincere love and concern and try to work something out.  Also, if the answer is "no, the Lord has directly directed that women are not to participate in church government the way men do", then they need to listen to the grievances and come up with a way for these women members to feel safe and important for real at church.  I think it could be done.  But it would take some dialogue, some praying and pondering and probably some humility.  Just cutting someone out like that is just going to make her followers feel more unwelcome and unaccepted at church and the conversation is just going to keep going.

The other bad side effect of all this is all the news coverage all over the place.  People who might otherwise accept the Book of Mormon and learn of Christ through our church will not even consider it, because "what a weird church" - kicking out members for supporting women and gay people, and especially that ad campaign that tries to show otherwise.  

I think the underlying problem in all of this is authoritarianism.  It is just human as described in D&C 121:

  39 We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose, they will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion.

I don't think "all men" excludes high up leaders in the church.

We have been studying US history and the constitution and I would say that overall, the constitution has had quite a positive impact on the world. At least part of the reason the Constitution has been so good is that it built in a series of checks and balances to protect the everyday people from overreaching governmental bodies.  It also built in a way for the people being ruled to switch out their rulers and for the rulers to answer to the people.  Maybe something of that sort would work in the church?  Bring back common consent?  Honestly I think that this will all work itself out for the better.  I think the conversations and dialogue need to happen.  There are people in the church who are hurting.  We need them, they need us, we all need each other.  We need to not tell people they should just leave if they don't like it.  Many of them have testimonies and they want to stay, they want church to be a safe place for everyone.  It may be painful, but I think things will end up being much much better.  There is a lot of good in the church, we just need to keep that up and become even better.  And kudos to these brave souls willing to bring the subject ou into the open and giving the rest of us a chancet o consider other options and ideas.