Healing and Growing

The past 5 yrs. have been so rough for me, and I have had to endure and persevere through a lot of things, and I have had my ideas and ideals shaken and I have learned to stand up for myself and I have learned to not care about some things I used to think were important, and I have just plain learned and grown a lot through those years although it has been dang hard, when I tell people pieces of it, I jokingly will say, "but I've had enough, that's enough growing for me."  

I have had a really nice respite since we've been here and I have healed some.  Well, last week, unfortunately I ran into the same type of idiot authoritarian, snarky, mean attitude at church over what time we should have scouts.  But this time, my reservoir was not totally empty, and although I spent a couple of really difficult days, I really was able to deal with it much better.  I did realize that I was broken, it was the same as if I had been physically kicked and bleeding and I was down on the ground, my spiritual and emotional wounds from the hurt inflicted on me over time were still open and bleeding, but had started to heal some.  So when I got kicked again  I did what I have learned to do through every difficult time I have ever encountered and that was to pray openly and with sincerity and complete honesty about my situation.  

A friend of mine who had been in the process of moving and selling her house had told me how she had reached the end of her rope and asked the Lord if He would just grant her 3 specific things she asked for in regards to getting her house ready to put on the market and such, and she said, those 3 things happened almost immediately and she was so grateful and wondered if that was all she had to do was ask, but it increased her faith and it increased mine.  

So anyway, as I prayed, I told the Lord that I needed to be healed from this and the past and exactly how it felt and what it was.  Right after my prayer, I remembered how painful my parents' divorce had been and how angry I was and how sad I became, but how I wasn't sad or angry anymore, that I had healed from that, that I had accepted the situation as an experience and there were no longer those intense emotions associated with it anymore.  I have even learned from it and I am a better person because of it, much more compassionate and empathetic.  And I truly love my parents and appreciate their sacrifices and love for me, which I am only beginning to understand now that I have teens of my own.  So anyway, I felt that all was not lost that I was so broken, but that I would heal from the wounds I carried then.   Amazingly, it only took about 4 days after that, and I really felt healed from the pain I still carried from our previous ward, it doesn't anger me ao much any more as well as this more recent incident.

I also thought about our sweet little dog and her unconditional love for me even though I reprimanded her a lot and was exasperated and unkind to her at times, she still loved me and I wanted to have that same kind of love even for this new crazy lady in my life.  Of course, I will not put myself or my children in a position to be harmed by her or someone else like her, but I'm no longer powerless or angry, and that was a huge blessing.

So anyway, I'm learning a lot despite myself, because that's pretty much what life is-- learning.  Then I ran across this scripture in 2 Nephi 28:30 

 30 For behold, thus saith the Lord God: I will give unto the children of men line upon line, ^aprecept upon precept, here a little and there a little; and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, and lend an ear unto my counsel, for they shall learn ^bwisdom; for unto him that ^creceiveth I will give^dmore; and from them that shall say, We have enough, from them shall be taken away even that which they have.

So here's to learning and more growth! (Even though it's hard, this scripture encourages me to keep growing and learning and doing, no quitting)

Things I'm grateful for

I'm grateful to be a mother.  I especially love having my own sweet little baby.  I love it when they curl up in my arms and put their head on my chest or shoulder and just lie there.  I could just hold them forever.  From my first down to my last baby, I have tried to hold and cuddle them as much as they would let me, because I knew it would not last forever.  A bunch of them are well past that phase, I can hardly believe how big they all are, but I still give them hugs and thank them when they give me a hug.  It is so sweet to have those hugs and I always thank them and I always marvel at how willing they are to give them.  I am grateful for that.  I am also grateful that I was able to keep the kitchen pretty well cleaned this week.  That was nice.  I'm so glad to be able to do regular everyday things.  I am grateful for my body, and I will continue to take good care of it.  I have started to practice meditation and some mind body bridging techniques I learned from a friend, it has helped my anxiety and stress a ton along with exercising which I have just always loved to do and am so grateful that I can do it.  I'm grateful for my dear husband, he loves me a lot and accepts me how I am and he works so hard for us, and he has made me very happy and I love being with him and spending time with him.  I always wanted a good righteous happy family, where peace reigned, and I have it and I am very grateful.  It is probably my most prized possession.  Of course, not everything is perfect, but I am learning to appreciate the moment and to be more grateful and be fine living in uncertainty and be fine with not knowing the outcomes of everything.  I'm grateful for that too.

I am Grateful!

I am so full of GRATITUDE!!!  Every time I deal with anything that has to do with church these days, I feel good and happy!  There are so many quality good people I have met and we've only been here 2 months today!!  Everyone is so friendly and nice.  I misjudged a few of them because I thought they may act like what I was used to previously, but they have pretty much all proved me wrong. And they have given me space and patience.  I like them all, quarks, uniqueness, everything!  These are a different kind of people.  My girls went with the youth tonight to do baptisms for the dead, they came home happy.  When I took them to drop them off, I was welcomed and people talked to me and I was even asked why I wasn't coming since it was my daughter's first time.  I told them that it wasn't allowed in my previous ward and they just told me that in this ward, you just volunteer and go whenever you want.  I told some of the girls' it was my younger daughter's first time and they all said they would take care of her and show her the way, and they did.  

The YW president made sure she had my phone # if they should need it, and she apologized for not getting back to me on an email I sent.  The interaction was kind, caring and positive.  I told her it was fine she didn't get back to me, we worked it out.  The Relief Society president was there with her son and introduced me to her husband and we talked about him being a twin and me having twins.  There is such a nice spirit among the people of cooperation, caring, love and acceptance.  Wow!  I'm pretty much in awe of them.  I hope I can be like them.  This is a different church than what I experienced in Utah.  What we went through before this is totally foreign to them, some of the things I have mentioned that are different here, they just look at me weird and then shake it off and say, well, it's not like that here!  I'm so glad. 

The other thing that is a nice switch is that these people care about my kids and they want the same things for them that I do.  We actually have the same values!  And when they offer to help, they actually follow through and do help.  My oldest has been invited to accompany the ward choir and another lady who teaches piano talked to the school for me to see if they could use an accompanist there!  They also have the youth take turns playing the orgn in sacrament meeting.  There are a ton of other nice good things they do.  It is such a healthy environment and such a good way to be.  And very relieving as a parent especially of so many.  I'm so grateful that my kids now have a number of good role models to follow.

 It is also validating to find that I wasn't the crazy one!  It is reasonable for the YW organization to communicate with parents, email a calendar to both girls and parents and keep parents in the loop, and talk to parents.  It is such a relief!  This church is really, really good.  This is the church I would be willing to send my kids out as missionaries for, this is the church I may be willing to bring new friends to,  this is really how the gospel was meant to be lived.  When it's good, it's really good.  I have always loved the doctrine, and when the people live the doctrine and abide by the teachings, it is wonderful!  I am so grateful, pretty much all the people I've met since being here have been awesome, non church people included!  Even in the stores, people are just doing their thing.   When we first got here and had a lot of things to buy, I could just feel this absence of constant judgement that I had grown accustomed to in Utah.  These people are not all that concerned with anything I do, they are friendly and polite, but I don't feel judged constantly like I did in Utah, and I didn't even realize I felt that way there until I came here and experienced this.  I feel very, very lucky.   I don't want to ever take having lots of good quality people around me for granted.  I have so much to learn from these people.  Every interaction I have fills me with more hope and gratitude.  Maybe I'll even get to the point someday of being able to serve them some instead of just taking in all their kindness and love.  

I also don't want or mean to knock Utah too much.  I have dear friends and family still there, it is still my heritage and my home all the way to my dear Mormon pioneer ancestors who gave up so much.  It is also full of really good people who have learned to cope fine and even love being there with the beautiful mountains and scenic views, and they are seemingly unaffected or just have a completely different experience than what I had.  And maybe even have in their ward there in Utah, what I have in my new ward here in the East.  It just wasn't where I was supposed to be.  And now that I'm here, it's clear I needed to be here.  And I am grateful!

I am GRATEFUL!

Love Heals

The past little bit I have gotten to continue my listening of The Science of Natural Healing taught by Mimi Guarneri, M.D. through the Teaching Company.  I have been learning so much!  She has explained the effects of stress on the body.  Did you know that they have done studies and found that people under stress actually heal more slowly?  She also explains the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system and how to reset them by breathing, meditation and other ways.  She also talks about the effect of relationships and how much better people do when they feel loved and accepted.  I really like her approach of taking people where they are and helping them there, not condemning them, but really helping them and looking at her work as a service.  She talks about breathing, feeling love and joy, letting go of anger, accepting and forgiving people, energy, yoga, meditation, mantras, prayer, spirituality, relationships, support and love.  I have learned so much so far and a lot of things are making more sense to me.  My health journey is making a lot more sense, and I'm gaining a greater understanding and balance I feel.  Love really does heal, and this quote she quoted especially stuck out to me: 

The I in illness is isolation, and the crucial letters in wellness are we.

So again, love really matters, love really makes a difference.  It is that love that will change the world.   

Now I understand better what Moroni was saying and Paul for that matter:

1 Corinthians 13:4-13

New International Version (NIV)

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Moroni 7:45

 45 And ^acharity suffereth long, and is ^bkind, and ^cenvieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily ^dprovoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

Taking Off My Armor and Healing

I can hardly describe the relief I have felt since moving here to New Hampshire from Utah.  We have been here 6 weeks now.  Our Utah ward got really crazy, even crazier than our previous crazy Utah ward that we moved from and had a wonderful reprieve til the ward split in our backyard.  Every week and often 2-3 times per week after church and after any interaction with church people, I would have to evaluate people's actions and mentally work through my emotions so that I could live my own life and not be completely reactive.  But just given my situation with lots of little people to care for and teens to watch out for, I was living a very reactive life full of stress.  We sent our older kids to school instead of homeschooling them, I questioned my parenting choices along the way, was I really the one with the problem, because this was the second time going through this and everybody else seemed to accept their place.  But as I worked through scenarios, talked to people, made other people mad at me and tried to find answers, I concluded that even if I was wrong or the crazy one, so be it, I did not want to be like these so-called leaders I was under nor did I want my children to grow up to be like them either.  If this is heaven, then I'll go dwell in hell with the sinners.

Being in the situation I was in was sort of like being tortured drop by drop.  At first I could let it roll off my back, then I could withstand it and keep going.  I learned coping mechanisms, made sure I had positive interactions, learned which types of people I could trust and which I could not, but over time my reservoir emptied.  That's when I started having health issues, and started to limit interaction at all because I realized it was actually physically damaging.  That helped a lot, and our last month in Utah, December, we only went to our ward once, we went to other wards for various things and it was so nice!!  It was healing and relieving.  It softened us enough to call our new ward and let them know we were coming.

The bishop was super nice, I didn't detect any of the usual self aggrandizement or judging, trying to see if I would play the game types of things talking to him.  It was just a nice normal conversation, and he seemed genuinely interested and not over bearing at all.  He was happy to have people come help us move in.  We weren't ready for that at the time and we didn't ask for help.  But the primary president and sister missionaries came over to meet us one night, and the bishop stopped by another night and a couple other people called and they all wanted to help, so we let them.  And they were all super nice and really good and really helpful.

The first Sunday was stake conference, and that was good, I heard the gospel I love there, it even brought tears to my eyes that maybe I would fit in here, it felt like coming home.  But I did not want to talk to anybody, so it was nice to have a slow intro like that.  The YW organization is super good here too.  It is actually quite large, larger than what we had in Utah and the leaders are mature, a lot of them have kids on missions and out of the house and married.  They actually wanted to talk to me and get to know me a little bit.  I started to realize that these people are not like the Utah people I had grown accostumed to, I found that I didn't know how to act around nice normal people anymore.  I had learned how to cope in Utah, just hang back, don't draw any attention to myself, avoid problematic people, and have shallow meaningless conversations when it was unavoidable.  

It was very different and yet very familiar, it felt very much how I thought it was before I found out the hard way that it wasn't the way I had hoped it was, sorry if that doesn't make sense.  Anyway, it felt like these people were genuine and real and caring.  There was no self aggrandizement or judging.  There are still little quirks, but they are not damaging and mean and judgmental.  All my kids go to their classes without complaint, I think we all even look forward to church now.  Sunday school is fine, and there is nothing weird in Relief Society, in fact the teachers seldom have any visual aids, we just discuss things, and the discussions are good, there's nothing said that makes me cringe and I can tell people just want the best for each other.  When church is over, I feel a little weird because I feel lighter and I didn't have to protect anybody or react to anybody.  I am relaxed, I am able to talk to people.  One of my visiting teachers in particular has been really nice to talk to because she understands what I am going through, she recently moved here from Utah too, and we have very similar observations about the culture there.  It has been healing to find someone who doesn't think I'm crazy or overreacting or just so angry and even understands and has lived it.  It has been so nice to have understanding and goodness.

My husband just got back from going on a winter camp with our 11 yr old scout.  The whole Young Men's is the scout troop and then the quorums are each a patrol unlike the way it is done elsewhere in the church where the quorums are each their own troop and they are separate.  It was amazing.  The older boys were really good to the younger ones and the younger boys could observe and learn from the older ones.  There were a couple boys with emotional issues or autism, but they were all accepted and treated well.  And the leaders were all good too.   Not only have we gotten out of a bad situation, we have found ourselves in an extraordinary situation that is exceptional.  I cannot express my gratitude enough.  To have people who want the same things for my children that I do, to have people who want to see my family succeed and be happy and are happy for us and are accepting of us and not threatened by us.  These feelings are so foreign to me.

It is kind of like after you go skiing or roller skating for a long time and then take the boots or skates off and start walking around without them.  Your legs feel wobbly and it takes some time to walk straight and for it to feel normal again.   That's kind of how it feels for me now.  Another analogy I though of is how it must feel when a person removes some heavy armor they had to wear to stay protected and how much lighter they feel and relieved they don't have to carry it around anymore.

  

That's how I have felt after church and after being around people, a little disoriented, these people aren't afraid of me, I don't threaten their self identity.  They are comfortable with who they are and they are even willing to give me time to orient myself.  They are not offended at my defensive mechanisms of holding back a bit, asking questions or anything else.  I'm not ready to go at it full force, but I'm sure I will be at some point.  And I'm grateful that my children are in such a healthy loving environment now.  It is one thing to not be in a bad environment, it is another to be in a good environment.

That's where we are now and I am healing and so is my family and I am super grateful.

Thoughts on Utah Mormon culture because of this article

http://www.mormonwomen.com/2014/02/27/people-like-us-do-things-like-that/

I really enjoyed reading about this woman's story and how she was encouraged to never leave Utah, but did and has found purpose and joy in life, and she's an active member of the LDS church now.  It's OK to be different, the gospel works for a lot of people and cultures and circumstances.  Recognizing that will be the first step for Utah Mormon culture to overcome some of its really damaging aspects.  There is too much judging, and not enough empathy and compassion.  They will accept the druggie or convert as they are coming back to the fold, but as the person progresses, they don't want to see them as a peer and definitely not better than them.  They are accepting as long as you know your place in the culture and stay there.  These are of course generalizations, but her examples of being excluded, being told as a single mother to stay away from someone's husband, etc. are examples of some of the cultural biases that need to go.  Those types of biases and judgments are way more damaging than people realize.  The worst of it is that the ones carrying them don't even realize it and have no idea why the other person is offended, and then they'll tell everyone how we just need to be nice and use kind words.  It goes deeper than than the words we use, we need to truly care about people and see them all as peers, not a "potential convert" or "someone I can help" or as a duty or obligation to be nice, but to genuinely see them as potential friends and equals regardless of our different personalities or backgrounds. That I think is the worst part of Utah Mormon culture-- the judging against each other and people putting themselves above others.  It looks like she has been able to recover from it and even settle in Utah, it sounds like she is doing a lot of good there now, kudos to her.  It is an uphill battle, but maybe as more people see it and recognize it, many more can freed from it.

The talk I gave in sacrament meeting on Sunday

I get so nervous speaking because I can probably count the times I've spoken in sacrament meeting on 2 hands, I used to be able to wing it when I was in college, but ever since I gave a 5 min. talk giving my husband 30 min. to speak, I write it all out ahead of time and just read it.  It was really hard to make a talk out of another talk, so I just used the title as my topic.  This time I took 25 min. and my husband only had about 8 min., I tried to use it as more of a guide as I spoke, but what I wrote sounded a lot better than the words that came out as I spoke.  I was glad for the opportunity to prepare something to share.  I much prefer teaching though, And I'm glad to be done with that for a long while!

My topic is the conference talk:

Home the school of Life by Elder Falabella

So first off what is a successful life?

 39 For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.  Moses 1:39

 7 And, if you keep my commandments and endure to the end you shall have eternal life, which gift is the greatest of all the gifts of God.  D&C 14:7

So from those scriptures we learn that gaining eternal life is  the Lord's work and greatest gift, and gaining eternal life I think means that you had a successful life.

So OK, how can we gain eternal life?

2 Ne 31:20. Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life. 

So to have eternal life we must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ which I think means to learn of Him, be baptized and keep his commandments, having hope means that we have faith that by doing so we will gain eternal life, and then we have to love god and all men.  It was a great reminder to me, looking up scriptures and remembering verses, just how important that true genuine love is.  It's more than just saying The words, it only counts if you truly and genuinely feel that love towards others, and you can tell when someone really cares and when they are just being nice for their own gain, although that's. Enter than being mean and if they keep it up, and they really want to feel that love, over time, they will.  We really do end up loving those we serve.  Parents are a perfect example of this, as a child I didn't understand it, And I thought it was my entitlement, but as a parent, then I realized just how much my parents cared about me, and I am really grateful for that. 

So back to more scriptures on how important charity is, and this concept of loving god and all men, in the New Testament in Matthew we read this story:

Matthew 22

 34 ¶But when the Pharisees had heard that he had put the Sadducees to silence, they were gathered together.

 35 Then one of them, which was a lawyer, asked him a question, tempting him, and saying,

 36 Master, which is the great commandment in the law?

 37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

 38 This is the first and great commandment.

 39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

 40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

And Then in Moroni 7:

 46 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail—

 47 But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.

 So to reach the goal of eternal life, we must have charity, or love.  The other great thing about keeping the commandments and loving people is that it makes your life happy too.

Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,

 2 Ne 2:25 Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.  

And having this peace love and joy, I think makes for a successful, happy life.

So how can we gain that charity and really love people?  And to my topic, how can we learn and practice these things at home and teach it to our children, cause we can't teach something we don't know, right.?

First off the answer to gaining charity is simple, it is found in the next verse in Moroni when he's talking about charity:

 Moroni 7:48 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen.

So we need to pray with all the energy of heart-- which means we really have to want it and have been thinking about it.  

Experience at BYU,  we need to honest with ourselves and recognize where we need help and remember that god already knows, so He's not going to to be shocked  at our failings, and acknowledging that anyway, is the first step to change, although this love truly is a gift, and it is one we must pray for, because there are some people who are really hard to love,  for these I will sometimes pray that I can see them the way God sees them, teaching our kids to pray I think is so important, so that they can always have the help they need throughout life, I told my kids when they first went to public school after being homeschooled, that I couldn't be there, but .god is and He is already there and will help you with whatever they need and that's true for each of us.

I think also understanding how much God loves us is very helpful:

 2 Ne 26:33 For none of these iniquities come of the Lord; for he doeth that which is good among the children of men; and he doeth nothing save it be plain unto the children of men; and he inviteth them all to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female; and he remembereth the heathen; and all are alike unto God, both Jew and Gentile.

D&C 18:10 Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God;

And then back to my first scripture we have to endure to the end and feast on the words of Christ so we remember to be good and nice.  And know that god loves everyone regardless of anything! rich! poor! ugly! pretty! smart! dumb! fast! slow, fat, skinny, popular, nerdy, whatever, God loves us all no matter what and he doesn't make some of us better than others and when we can love others the way He does, then we won't categorize ourselves anymore, and it won't matter that I'm better or worse off than so and so, we can make a connection and truly care for each other and build each other up and help each other, just as our children or our pets require work and care with nothing in return from them except love and adoration and more work, it doesn't matter, we just love them for them, because they are, and if we could get to that point with every person where we just love them because they are a human, they are a child of God, then we could maybe start to understand God a little bit, because He truly loves us all and truly wants us to be happy and to love each other too, and that is quite a gift he offers us if we will just pray with full energy of heart and keep trying and keep practicing.

Mosiah 3:19 For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.

And the home just so happens to be a great place to learn and practice these very important lessons.  So children, I hope you will remember how much God loves you and how much your parents love you and that you will treat each other kindly and do nice things for each other and help your parents and siblings and other family and friends and people. And for parents, I have a little more to say on that matter although, if you can have that charity and love, the rest will fall into place. 

One good thing we can do as parents I think is recognize that our children are their own people, they come with certain strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes and preferences.  They are each of great worth. Parents are given a great responsibility to teach them and nurture them and help them to gain their eternal life and to have a happy life too.  It is very helpful to lead by example.  And when we fall short, we need acknowledge our faults, apologize - right the wrong-- and keep trying to do better.  I think D&C 121 is helpful for parents, because we are given authority over our children and we need to use it wisely and in the way The Lord has set:

 41 No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood ( or any authority), only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;

 42 By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile—

So we need to talk to our children, listen to them, help them and be patient with them. Laying down the law, plants resentment, and trying to guilt them into doing things won't last or work either.  We want our children to do things because they can see why it is a good idea and how it will help them and make them happier-- like schoolwork-- it can seem so daunting at times but if they can see how it will help them get into college and get a good job and help them have things they will want, then it becomes much more worthwhile and they are more likely to follow through, we may have to get creative and give them easier attainable rewards for work done, like a sticker or computer time, or to do whatever activity they enjoy.  The same principle applies to being nice and keeping the commandments.  And then back to the scripture:

 43 Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;

 44 That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death.

 45 Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.

Elder Falabella says: The Lord has clearly described the attributes which should guide our dealings with other people. These are persuasion, long-suffering, gentleness, meekness, and love unfeigned

I think it also helps to be consistent, not threaten a punishment you don't want to enforce, but the important thing really is that they know you love them and care about them, they really do want to be good and helpful and make you happy, it makes them sad when they fail, but if they know you still love them even when they disappoint or fail at things, then they'll have hope and with that hope and your example, they will find their way, just we all have to find our way to God, and He is patient and loving and forgiving and soooooo long suffering,  we need to be that way too and all our interactions in the home are great practice.

Another thing that Elder Falabela says in his talk is:

1. The temple is the place.-- a great way to start, but he notes we must also live a celestial life

2. To contend, you need two people, and I will never be one of them.

3. A child who sings is a happy child.-- we can learn so much through music, love those primary songs

4. I need you to hug me. We need to reach out

5. I love the Book of Mormon and my Savior, Jesus Christ. Study the scriptures

6. It is not enough to know the scriptures; we have to live them.

Physical abuse in the family is a practice that is occurring less often in certain societies, and we rejoice in that. However, we are still far from eliminating emotional abuse. The harm caused by this form of abuse dwells in our memory, it wounds our personality, it sows hatred in our hearts, it lowers our self-esteem, and it fills us with fear.

So we need to watch our words, and build up our children, praise them when they do well, help them recognize their talents and strengths and help them to keep working on things even when they want to give up.

Now if there is anything I've learned thus far in my life, it's that everybody is different and each situation can be different and sometimes it's hard to know what the right thing to do is in many cases.  The scriptures are really amazing, because they can apply to many situations, giving us guidelines, but when it comes to specifics, we really need to do our homework or research and pray and then listen to spirit and follow what we know in our heart to be right and good for our particular individual situation.

Sometimes the answer may surprise us, that what we and others thought would be a good thing for our child isn't, and we need to listen to those promptings as parents and have the courage to sometimes go against the grain to do the right thing for our child. 

Moroni 7

 13 But behold, that which is of God inviteth and enticeth to do good continually; wherefore, every thing which inviteth and enticeth to do good, and to love God, and to serve him, is inspired of God.

 14 Wherefore, take heed, my beloved brethren, that ye do not judge that which is evil to be of God, or that which is good and of God to be of the devil.

 15 For behold, my brethren, it is given unto you to judge, that ye may know good from evil; and the way to judge is as plain, that ye may know with a perfect knowledge, as the daylight is from the dark night.

 16 For behold, the Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil; wherefore, I show unto you the way to judge; for every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God.

2 Nephi 32:3 Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do. 

So it is my prayer that we will all study and feast upon the scriptures, take the time to ponder and learn from them and follow the promptings we get to do whatever,  whether it be to focus on our health more, read a certain book, talk to a certain person, sign our child up for a certain class, take some extra family time, find more opportunities to serve or whatever.  And also that we will be filled with love for one another, that we will be humble and not put ourselves above or below others for whatever reason, that we will be patient, kind and long suffering.