Parenting and Educational Philosophies

Apparently there are a lot of confused parents out there. There are lots of books, classes, groups, shows and blogs on the best way to parent children. I'm all about progress and finding the best way to do things, but recently I have become extremely bothered by a couple philosophies floating around out there. Especially being a homeschooler, I come in contact with all kinds of people and ideas. So I'm going on the offensive in this post, because I just have to get it out and let people know that not all Utah Mormon homeschoolers are this way or have such strange ideas.

Here are some ideas I am very bothered by - mostly from the Utah Mormon homeschooling community in general:

All you have to do to raise bright, responsible, independent, good children is to provide them with the proper environment. Get rid of all the distractions in your life and their life including most of the toys including puzzles and legos, stacks of paper, dumb craft projects, television, computer, video games and anything else that might interfere with your greatness and your children's progress. Require your children to help you with the housework everyday, so they will gain discipline and your house will be a model of cleanliness and tidiness, but do not require your children to do any kind of academic work unless they really want to because you might squelch their natural love of learning. Model great scholarship to your children in the afternoons by reading great books and learning on your own. Call it Free Time for you and them, and make them use that time to do whatever they want on their own as long it does not involve any of the distractions you have already removed from the premises. The only interesting thing left in the house is books, so this will inspire and encourage them to read a lot. This is also free time for you to study, and you should not be bothered unless it is really important. Your home will be a place of peace and beauty this way. The children will feel more secure and will grow to be truly great only troubling themselves with the very best this life has to offer-- the best books, the best music, the best food, the best organization, the best education...., even though you don't require them to do academics.

Do you think I'm kidding? I wish I were. There are people who really do think this way. What an easy way to homeschool. The only thing you have to make sure your children do is clean your house in the mornings, and clean up after themselves which gives you the benefit of a constantly clean house-- every mother's dream. Then you have the afternoon to read or work on things you are interested in. No worries about curriculum. No encouraging the child to keep going even though it just got hard. No continual repetition or waiting patiently for the child to figure out that long word, or that weird story problem or to remember how to say something in another language. If the kid is not interested, they stop. There are no messes from children's "crafts" or a refrigerator cluttered with 10 drawings of the exact same thing. Everything is neat and orderly and clean and structured. What the mother says is law. The mother has figured out how to run a smooth domain with no mutiny, and has figured out to explain it so that it sounds like this is all done with the children's best interest at heart.

There are so many problems with that philosophy, I'm not sure where to begin. Most people, I think, can see that this is not a good way to raise or educate children. So instead of analyzing each piece separately I will just give an overview of what I think is a good, normal parenting philosophy and what has worked for me so far.

The children can make whatever messes they want as long as they can clean it up when they're done. If the children start misbehaving, I give them a warning that they will lose some thing or privilege they value if they are older, or they will have to go on time-out if they are younger. I do not threaten things I am not willing to follow through on. If I don't want to carry a kid all the way up the stairs to their room, then I will not threaten to take them all the way up to their room. The corner right there will work just as well, so that's what I'll threaten. I won't take away a privilege I really want them to have. Whatever I do threaten, I do follow through on. Consistency is key. A warning is necessary also, so that the child knows what he did wrong and what he needs to do to make it right. This also gives them a chance to explain themselves and sometimes I find that the situation is not what I thought it was. I try to be as fair as possible in each circumstance. I have to find out exactly what is going on, and if I can't, then they get a warning and a lesson on how to act properly and be nice to each other.

We do have certain rules that need to be followed such as no eating on the carpet, no jumping on the furniture in the front room, sitting still and being quiet during scripture reading, etc. When any of these rules are broken, then an appropriate consequence is given to fit the crime. For example, those who eat on the carpet get their food taken away. Those who yell at the dinner table get sent to their room on time-out. Those jumping on the front room furniture have to sit on the floor, etc.

That's pretty much it for rules and consequences. Be consistent!!

Then for parenting and ensuring that my children are receiving a proper education, we have decided to homeschool. This means that we have reviewed and picked the best curriculum for the various subjects we want them to know. We schedule and organize a time and place for that to happen. We have requirements for each child to fulfill. The children are responsible to keep track of their books and fulfill the assignments and chores we give them. Once they finish those, they are free to do as they please pretty much.

That's pretty much how we operate. The why we do that and what we hope to accomplish by doing that are subjects for another post. This is way too long already. I think it is pretty easy to see the difference between my idea of good parenting and educating and the idea of some of my fellow homeschoolers. My way requires me to do a lot with my children and follow through and work with them and guide them along their academic path, as well as provide lots of different opportunites for them to try and explore all different kinds of activities and ideas and eventually, I hope, find their passion. Some of my fellow homeschoolers ( thank goodness, not all) have chosen to let their children kind of fend for themselves when it comes to academics. They have also chosen to limit what their children can do as far as what is available to them, i.e. limited access to media, stacks of paper, art supplies, toys, etc. They have chosen to steer their children towards what they want for them i.e. great readers by having few interesting things available to them besides books and maybe piano or something similar.

So this incredibly long post is not for those already involved in this flawed thinking, although I do feel sorry for them. It is for those of you who may know some of these people and associate homeschoolers to this type of idea. Homeschooling has so many benefits and advantages and I want to do my part to define it the way I think will provide the best benefit for all. And that I think is to be a normal, caring parent who is involved with their children and guides and teaches and helps them along the way. I also want to point out that this has also been done and is being done successfully by parents who send their children to public and private school. Parenting is parenting. Thanks for reading!! Comments are welcome!!