What I have learned from being shunned at Church

I recently posted about not being given a calling for 18 months after I had the twins even though I had offered to help in different areas. I think I last wrote when I realized that I was being shunned and realized that something was very wrong. I tried to make an appointment with the bishop- but that is a long story- suffice it to say that I finally got his ear and felt that he understood my situation and why I had to talk to him only. He thanked me for my patience- I reminded him that I am a mother of 7- I have developed a good amount of patience thus far. Anyway, I felt much better and my burden was lifted.

Actually I really started feeling better after a heartfelt prayer I had the day after I first got his attention and set an appointment directly with him for the following day. I poured my heart out to the Lord in prayer and I was instantly calmed. One of my concerns was that some of the people who were treating my badly in the ward would have influence over my precious children. I really did not like the idea of sending them off to people who don't like me. Anyway, I felt calm and peace and also the assurance that the Lord knows, he understands and their incompetence will not affect my overall purpose in life. They can't take away my influence as a mother to my children. The Lord will give me opportunities to serve at a later date.

For now I think I have learned some valuable lessons. The first is how awful it can feel to go to church. I have a very strong testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ and of the divinity of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, but it was really hard to go to church for a while. I understand how those who go inactive must feel. It is not that they have necessarily lost their testimony-- they just may feel like they are different and on the outside. There may be some people there that they just don't want to see or have contact with or be reminded about how rotten things have gotten. I have never really been on the "inside" of any social group, but it has never really bothered me. But to feel so on the "outside" at church was really hard- because that is supposed to be a place where you can feel safe and loved. I am much more empathetic than I have been in the past. There is nothing like experiencing it for yourself.

I am very much relieved because I did my part. I kept going to church. I realized that it is not the primary president's church or the bishop's church-- it is the Lord's church. I tried to talk to people in the hall and to anybody that looked like they needed a smile. I stopped talking to other people who pretended to be my friends and really aren't. I was polite if I saw them, but I have to admit it felt good to show them that they couldn't push me out or down. Regardless of what they did to me intentionally or unintentionally I would still do what is right. I decided that I would not avoid them- I would watch out for my kids regardless of what they might think. I substituted a couple times and just did my part without fanfare or attention. I didn't make a big deal of anything. I was polite and made it through the church day although it was hard to do. It gave me courage to know that this is Christ's church and he wants us all to feel welcome in his church. That gave me courage to reach out to people I normally wouldn't have reached. I made and delivered loaves of bread a couple times to people I just thought might appreciate it. And I was right- they did appreciate it. I found that I was not the only one feeling shunned.

I was optimistic that I had reached the bishop, probably in a way that anyone any less patient could not have reached him. Two months passed with no word, but I felt that I had had my say and it was not my responsibility to contact the bishop again. Then this week he just showed up at our doorstep one evening and wanted to chat. He let me know he had thrown my name out there and still there were no takers- no calling for me. I let him know that since my son's cub scout leader was moving that I would be taking that over until they called someone new so that there would be continuity. We visited for awhile and I think he saw further what I had been saying. Today he issued me 2 callings in the primary which I am thankful for. I think he realizes that he had to go and fix it himself because auxiliaries were not giving me opportunities that I should have. I am very thankful.

I am still annoyed at the primary president and a few other annoying people who seem to constantly be in callings of influence. I think they could really benefit by experiencing what I have experienced over the past couple years. But I am watching some changes happen and I'm sure there will be more. I am not afraid to speak my mind to anyone in the ward about things that affect me or my children. In a way by being pushed out I was liberated. I was able to see and show myself that I am not dependent on people for my testimony or my faithfulness in the gospel. I was able to overcome the feelings of betrayal I felt and deal with those people in a healthy way. I am stronger and more confident in my thoughts and abilities. I have been able to forgive them all and thus not worry about being around them or having to work with them. It is still annoying, but I can handle them.

Another thing I have learned is that I need to make sure that I have positive interactions each week so that I don't have to rely on my ward as a social outlet. I attend to worship my God, not to make friends. I need to make sure I am fair to people- not all of them are responsible for my shunning. I have to treat them all as best I can. I am not afraid and it is very nice! I do much better when I make sure to meet at least another mom friend for a field trip or to visit. Life is good. I am grateful for the experience-- hopefully I've learned my lesson and I can enjoy a better church- going experience! Things always change- and when things are looking bad- it's nice to remember that they won't stay bad and it will get better!!

Mostly I'm thankful to my Heavenly Father for being so perfect and being there for me. Prayer is real. Forgiveness is real. God is real.

Goat Milk Kefir

I found a way to make it palatable and even tasty-- I mixed it in the blender with ice cubes, agave nectar, bananas and dark cocoa powder. The kids liked it. Yay!! We won't be getting our goat until July, so I have to find another source of milk until then. I also want to build a chicken tractor this weekend. My husband is not happy at the prospect of chickens because he's afraid he'll have to do stuff to take care of them like build fences. He didn't tell me I couldn't build a coop, so I think if we have it all set up, and ready to go without needing any help, then he'll be O.K. with it. The kids are really excited about the goat and the chickens. We all wish we could live on a farm. We'll keep trying!!

In Over My Head-- Goats!!!

What else is new? I've taken on too much or will be soon. I read about the health benefits of raw goat's milk and talked to a few friends about it. We bought our first gallon and HATE it. We have been mostly vegan for the past 6+ years and I never liked eggs and milk as a kid. I only ate them because they were supposed to be so good for you. I was pretty glad when I found out that you don't need to eat them to be healthy and with the present factory farming methods, they can be quite detrimental to your health. I missed cheese a little when we changed our diet, but really nothing else.

Fast forward now 6 + years, we are doing well. We eat lots of greens and salads and we seldom get sick. But a couple of my kids are smaller than I think they should be, and I just think that if we had a good source of raw goat's milk and maybe some eggs that maybe it would help them grow a little faster and better. So I have been seriously considering chickens and I found a lady who lives about 5 min. away who has a barn and pasture and has had goats before and would like to share the work and cost for milk. It doesn't get fresher than that. Unfortunately, we do not like the taste at all!!

Do any of you have some ideas for me or words of encouragement? Is adding Kefir to our diet going to help us enough to be worth the effort? I really hope this is worth it. I just don't know. Maybe my kids are just going to be short, I do have some strong tendencies for shortness. My mom is 4'11" and my dad is 6'4" and my sister and I only ended up being 5'2". Now we are going to be milking a goat twice a day 3-4 days a week. If only we liked the milk. My one friend said to just blend it with the smoothies and we will eventually get used to it. We shall see!!

Little Twins

#6 is finally walking everywhere! #7 started walking right at 12 months and #6 took 'til 16 months to walk. They are soooo incredibly cute although they don't look a thing a like. They follow each other around and I have been teaching them how to share and not take things away from each other. They also have strong opinions on what foods they like and dislike and I have to trick them into eating lots of different stuff. #6 is more opinionated that #7 in that way- much less willing to try new things. I sat yesterday watching a gardening video with all my kids and the babies on my lap- it was so precious. They were both so happy to just sit there on my lap. Later I helped the boys with their reading and the babies played with some blocks- they each had their own set and stayed on my lap. I loved it, it was so sweet.

I;m doing much better with the house, just doing my daily chores. Fly lady is awesome. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, eventually I will be able to follow all her recommendations. I am considering getting chickens for the garden and for the occasional egg. I think it would be good for the kids and I think they will take pretty good care of them.

Yesterday, #6 got up before #7 and I found him squawking (he's very loud- high pitched screams-- (he got in trouble for it a couple times yesterday- it's got to stop)) in his room, he had closed the door on himself. He wanted to play with his brother, but his brother was sound asleep. It was very sweet. #7 is curious about everything, but he was tired and his eye teeth are cutting through and it has been hurting. I think those are the last to cut through so we should be done with that soon.

#5 is really growing up. I have to coax him to do his chores, because he wants to stay a baby in that respect. All the kids are doing well and I feel very privileged to have so many and to be such a big part of their lives. I love being a mother. I am so happy. My children bring me great joy.