More on pants from other writers

This is what my husband posted on FB and I totally agree here:

I for one am not clamoring for women to get the priesthood. I think there is an epidemic in the church of meanness, and it comes out in different ways. It comes out in how a lot of women are treated in the church because they are women. Obviously there is an imbalance of power in the church, but that's not necessarily a problem, but it gets abused like everything else.

I think some people think that if women had the priesthood the imbalance would be less, and the meanness would be reduced. But the real problem is that people are mean. 

So the real conversation is really: is there really a problem in the church with how people are treated? I've seen some arguments that boil down to: if it hasn't happened to me then it's not a problem, or you are blowing it out of proportion. Similarly: if you do have a problem, you are the problem and you need to repent. Or: I don't think it's a problem so you shouldn't think it's a problem.

Women wanting to wear pants one sunday to show they thought there was a problem I think revealed there is a problem, considering how people reacted to all this. It really struck a nerve. Maybe some self-check is in order before we argue about women getting the priesthood. But maybe we ought to be empathetic and help them feel more included and loved.

And this was posted by a blogger in England-- I wish I could join them and wear nice
 slacks to church tom orrow, but being in the heart of Utah and mormondom, I don't think 
it's wise to do so yet-- People would probably see it as me attacking them not as me 
showing support for those feeling minimized as women. 

http://bycommonconsent.com/2012/12/14/less-than-1200-words-on-pants/ http://bycommonconsent.com/2012/12/14/less-than-1200-words-on-pants/

Women wearing pants to church

I never understood Mormon feminists.  The term seemed like an oxymoron to me.  I grew up as a Mormon and I just never questioned the order of things.  It just seemed to me that the way things are run at church was just the way things are and should be.  I loved the scriptures, I had a personal relationship with my Savior and I felt good when I went to church and enjoyed good comraderie there.  Fast forward a few years to the past couple years especially as I have recorded somewhat on this blog the terrible experience of being shunned at church, and then finally understanding the nuances of Utah culture and realizing that I am very much on the outside of the dominant culture here even though I strive to live the gospel to best of my ability and I have a testimony of it.

Not feeling a part of your own religion, not feeling loved and acceptance at church is awful. People being mean, putting you down and ignoring you and your children is awful, and it is especially awful when they are the very people who should be supporting, loving and helping you.  It is not just the absence of comraderie, but the feeling of having to defend yourself and your position constantly.  So although, I have not had the same feminist concerns in the church that many feminists have had, I can relate to their feeling of being a "second class citizen" in the church, and not feeling a sense of belonging there.  This is really hurtful because you know that that is not what Jesus would do, you want to have friends in the gospel and do the right things, but there is no way to voice concerns without putting yourself at jeopardy of losing good standing in the church which would lead to being even more on the outside and shunned or ignored even more.  It all depends on the leaders of your ward.  If you have good leaders who sincerely care about you and the other members of the ward, then you'll be alright, but if you have a bad leader-- and that doesn't mean they are all bad people- although there definitely are those-- just check the news-- then you are stuck.  The only way out is to move away and hope to find a place with decent people in leadership positions.  If you are not in a leadership position-- forget about having any influence as to the way things go at all.  Even if the leaders make dumb decisions about things-- there is absolutely nothing you can do until they are released.  And then you just have to wait and hope that the next leader will be better and will maybe care about you and the other members of the ward, and at least try to address any concerns you may have.

I really wish we could just pick which ward to go to.  A healthy dose of competition and free market enterprise would be so good in this regard I think.  Then maybe people would be nicer.  I think people in the church are mean because they know there is nothing you can do about it.  If you stop coming then you miss out on the sacrament and the good things at church and you are labeled an apostate, not valiant in the cause of truth. If you stay, you have to support them and not be offended.  Anyway.  the sense of a loss of power is huge-- and I think that is what the feminists are trying to change-- their focus is on giving women in general more of a say.  However, even if women had more of a presence we would still be at the mercy of the individual leaders.  If they are rotten-- bad news.  Lay members would still have little say about any of the goings on at church. 

The feminists thought that wearing pants to church one Sunday would be a way that they could show their wards that not everyone thinks about things the same way and that maybe people would start being a little more respectful of that and eventually be more willing and able to accept differences.  What they didn't expect was the huge backlash and all the mean comments.  The comments got so bad on the Facebook events page that Facebook themselves pulled the page!!  I am embarrassed to be associated with such mean people-- it even got to the level of saying that the feminists should be shot in the face.  Unbelievable!!  I hope they bring the page back so we can all see the true colors of these commenters.  These are not the actions and words of loving Christ like people.  I am very disappointed.

My hope is that we Mormons-- leaders included-- will do some introspection and be more loving and tolerant of those who are different.  There is nothing in the scriptures about what to wear to church.  There is nothing in there that says we should go for 3 hours every Sunday and have all these programs.  Maybe we need to go back to the bare bones basics of love, kindness and respect for each other for we are all children of God.  I know that this is in God's hands.  I hope that lots of good will come of this.

My husband's thoughts on Romney and the Election

I expect that after the dust settles someone will write an op\ed that says what I think, but until then I'd like to give my thoughts.

The Romney candidacy has been a bigger deal for members of the church than most people think, and that's why there's so much lamenting about his loss. Mitt Romney was one of our best examples. He represented what we members hold up as a good member: he was Bishop and Stake President, he's got five boys and is a family man, he served a mission, he's proud of his faith, he's successful in business and politics. He's even good looking.

A lot of hope was wrapped up in him and excitement for this guy (not Harry Reid or some right-wing crackpot) to be the guy we wanted to present on the world stage as being a model of us. We'd have an opportunity to explain our religion finally and when people would see the Romney's and their good example they would be curious to learn more. Missionary work may even pick up. There was an article in the Deseret News that basically said all this a couple of days ago.

So when the country got to take a look at Romney and the church it didn't really go as hoped. People and reporters asked hard questions about us. It wasn't misunderstanding. On the contrary, they understood and asked up to clarify. The church, Public Affairs especially, responded quite often like they would to members asking questions, with half answers and "don't worry about that" type responses that might work on members who feel the social and spiritual pressure to not push it anymore, but that don't work on others. Like when the church said that no one who says disparaging remarks about people because of their skin color is a true disciple of Christ, and then CBS brings up Brigham Young quotes from the Journal of Discourses that does just that and Public Affairs responds "it is what is it." that's not convincing.

So Mitt Romney became each member of the church in spotlight by proxy. We wanted to succeed, to impress, because it represents us. While a lot of other people see in Romney so little concern for others, arrogance and condescension, lies and misrepresentations, weird religious beliefs, we didn't. Because that's us up there.

Criticism of Mitt Romney from the right will probably come out soon because "how could anyone lose to Obama and this economy?" Then the protection of being the front runner of the Republicans will be gone and Republicans won't give Romney a pass on his mormonism any more. We'll see who his true friends are.

The country took a proxy for us as members and did not like what they saw. The nation said no, and now we're all distraught because we were rejected. Now we ought to look more clearly about how we really are and if we are admirable, likable, and nice to people.

Rather than predicting the end of the nation and a rejection of God's favor because the nation rejected a "righteous priesthood holder" maybe to ought to do some introspection into what things we should improve on, and how we can more clearly see ourselves as we really are. To me Romney losing was a relief that other people could see what I saw, and what I see in other people in the church that have caused me quite a lot of grief. I'm glad it's over.

For FHE the other day we talked about how without charity or love you are nothing. I asked the kids if they'd like to be in heaven with a bunch of people that read their scriptures, went to church, said their prayers but were mean. The disgusted look on their faces gave the answer. Or would you rather be with nice, inclusive, and loving people even if they didn't come to church all the time or even were members. I think that's what we should work on instead of righteous indignation.

My Thoughts on the Election

As an independent-- I am glad that Obama won over Romney. I didn't like either candidate, but I think we will have less wars with Obama than we would have had with Romney-- that was the main difference for me. I think Romney lost because he offended a lot of groups of people-- Ron Paul supporters, the London Olympic committee, Nascar racers, 47% of Americans who would never vote Republican, and the list goes on. He got 14 million less votes than McCain because of lower voter turnout.  The Republican base never really liked him, they just hated Obama more.  That was especially true for the South.  It is amazing that that was the best the Republican party could do.  The Primary race was full of lousy candidates-- and they thought Ron Paul was crazy!  He was the best chance against Obama.   I'm glad we have a Republican house to keep President Obama at bay. Although I disagree with Obama's ideology-- he seems like a "nice" guy and says nice things and acted with class throughout the election as far as I could see.

my little girl is 12!

My second little girl turned 12 today!  I can't believe it.  I'm kinda sad to see the little girl era end.  I loved the little dresses and hair bows and cute shoes and dollies and ponies and ribbons and princesses and pink, etc.   She is way excited to be going into Young Women's and I am sad to see her leave primary and all the little girl stuff behind.  The older girl stuff will be fun too I'm sure.  Life always changes and I will miss those little girl times.  There are a lot of little boys in this house.  I took 6 of them shopping today without their sisters and it was quite different.  They were good, but they have no interest in frilly clothes or dolls.  It's cars, trucks and sports time at our house now and for years to come!

Halloween

We had an awesome Halloween.  My kids said tit was the best one ever.  It srated last Friday with our co-op-- we went to a nice pumkin patch for a field trip-- then we drove to Layton and closed on our house-- yay!  Then we had an extended family Halloween party on Sat.  I sewed a monkey costume that morning and sewed on the ears on the way over-- it only took me about an hour to sew and I used another costume for the pattern and I didn't have to unpick anything-- I was very proud of myself.  Anyway, we had a colonial girl, a cat, a monkey, a ninja, iron man, batman, Po from teletubbies and a little lion.  They werre cute, but I don't think we even got a picture of them all together we were so busy just trying to gather up all the pieces and kids we needed for each activity.  Then Monday night we picked out our pumpkins and the kids carved them the next day during school hours.  They really did a nice job and I think we got pictures of those.  Then Wed. was Halloween-- we took the afternoon to decorate the entryway.  I told the kids we weren't going to buy anything new but they could use anything in the house.  We had a bunch of white row cover material that worked perfectly to look like a drop cloth on the stairs banister, and we covered the stairs with white sheets and had some white tulle for the holding rail on the other side.  Then we strung pictures of bats and a scary face the kids made across the ceiling and one of the kids made silhouttes we put in the windows, adn we scattered straw all over the floor, and had a fan going and a black light and a little table with the candy and some cardboard tombstones, and my husband set up speakers all over the entryway with really scary music and some speakers hidden above the candy bowl that he would play some more creepy screams and sounds right when the kids would reach for the candy.  It was a lot of fun.  We had way more tricker treaters here in this new neighborhood than we ever did in the old neighborhood-- I think we had 5 last year and maybe 10 the year before.  So the kids loved it.  We closed shop around 9 and watched The Nightmare Before Christmas.  I forgot about the soup so we had candy for dinner instead.  The kids traded most of it in for screen time minutes.  They played a ton on Friday.  A most successful Halloween!  The best part was the next day when everyone helped clean it all up and the house looked pretty good!  We are going to have to do that again!

twins

the twins today each had a jumprope and said let's go fishing-- yeah, Danel- yet's go fishing-- yeah-- let's go fishing!
 we took all the kids to the psrk and played b-ball-- it was pretty fun, the twins walked around the court and played with the v- ball while the others of us played-- eventually they took off walking together toward the playground-- I just love being around them-- but watch out when they are tired andyou try to turn off thetv that you turned on togive yourself a little extra time making dinner!

wow!

We are actually under contract with our house which is a HUGE blessing-- I think the Lord has been watching out for us all along, but it has been a tough couple of years.

Anyway, we are set to close tomorrow!!  We are taking a pretty big hit because of all the damage that happened to the house this past year, but we are out of time and money to fix it up, and we figure that pretty much everybody lost money on their houses so it's our turn now too.  We will still have a pretty good chunk of change from when we were rich and put a lot of money on that house, so we'll be able to put in a fence and yard in our new house and have a really good financial cushion.  Hopefully we'll be able to save most of it and live within our means on the salary of my husband's new job which is also a huge blessing!  He's still working for the LDS church, but no longer as an employee-  he is vendor status and gets to work from home.  It has been so nice.  He also got a bit of a raise which helps too.  We are very thankful to finally have a break and to be close to the end of a very difficult period in our lives.  Yay!!

We are so dang busy though.  We had the Pinewood Derby tonight in which the boys did just fine-- not dead last like last year. We have a fun family Halloween party Sat. and I have to make a warm furry costume for a certain boy.  We have a pumkin land field trip scheduled tomorrow-- the girls are supposed to start b-ball on Sat.  I really want them to play, but it just may be pushing it too far because they have quite a few choir concerts coming up.  We had a doctor appt. this  week too and vision therapy for #5,  And lots of good schooling goin on-- I'm just not sure when to get to my deep cleaning and when to get my shopping done-- there are so many good things to do-- it's hard to prioritize and balance everything just right.  These are really good problems to have and I'm really glad that these are the problems I'm dealing with right now.  Life is good!

Hubris

Hubris is a word I never had even an idea tht it existed until about 7 years ago when I finally learned some Greek history.  Merriam- Webster describes it as exaggerated pride or self- confidence.  I like to think of it as arrogance and ignorance mixed together.  One example I think of is aperson who has just learned to play a song on the piano telling a concert pianist how their song was pretty good, but they might want to pay closer attention to how they sit on the bench or use the pedal.  Another example of hubris would be a sub contractor such as an electrician, plumber or mason telling the general contractor how to manage the whole project or how they need to be sure to include " such and such" in the general plans.  There sure seem to be a lot of people who know how and what other people should be and do in their lives.  I think these people are very hubristic-- they speak without knowing all the details, they judge others based on their own limited experience.  I think hubristic people are very dangerous.  They think they know how things should be.  They think they are good people who would never do anything wrong.  They are unteachable and stuck, and they don't even know it.  They are not nice to be around.  They are usually mostly interested in themselves or in how others can validate their long held views and opinions, and they will do just about anything to make it appear that their idea is right regardless of how it may make others feel.  I hope I am not that way.  I'm glad I know the meaning of the word, and I'm glad I can recognize this charactoeristic in others so tht I can stay away from those people and know how to manage being around them when I have to be.  I hope I will recognize it in myself.  Extreme arrogance often brought on by extreme ignorance.  Education is a good thing usually-- some people are so stuck that even with an education they can't or won't see it.  This is definitely something I will teach my kids-- be teachable, learn from others, listen, postpone judgement until you have all the details,  don't be afraid to be wrong and admit it, love people, show compassion and mercy, it's OK to not understand things and it's OK to say I don't know, give others the benefit of the doubt, don't let others bring you down or tell you how things are and try to put you in a place so that they can run you over, stand up for yourself without being overbearing and be willing to change your mind and admit your mistakes.  Don't be hubristic!!!!

Happenings

After tucking the kids in bed and me lying down for a minute-- my 5 yob came in and asked me if I would like to hear him count to 300!!!  -- so cute and funny-- I told him I would love to hear him count to 300 -- tomorrow!!

My 11 almost 12 yog (in less than 2 weeks) has been telling me all the funny things she watched on AFV and in whatever book she's reading.  I keep thinking this is just the price to pay so she'll want to talk to me all the time especially when she's older and it really matters.  I'm glad she likes to tell me things.

My 13 yog won the city recreation league volleyball tournament.  This was her first year playing, she had an excellent coach and loves volleyball now.  It was a day of nail- biting close games-- so glad they won and that she held her own and did well.

My 8 and 10 yob cleaned their room and continued doing extra jobs to be able to play more minutes of Minecraft-- so awesome.  My house is looking better than usual!

I made some more natural yeast 100% wheat bread-- it is so yummy.  I can hardly believe how busy Fridays are.  The Primary Program is tomorrow-- so glad to be done with that.  Life is good. I think I need more sleep though

What a Day!!

 This is what I wrote to one of my online mom's support groups:

What a day!!! I gave 3 baths for nasty poopy diapers and one poo accident-- tried to start potty training yesterday cause I didn't want to spend $40 on diapers at Costco so I spent $60 on underwear and a potty seat and treats instead-- but it didn't work!! One twin wouldn't even sit on the potty and the other one was so sweet about it and the older kids sat with him, but he was kind of scared of the potty and didn't really get it. We'll keep trying-- I'm so tired of changing so many nasty diapers!! My son's b-day is tomorrow so my mom came down- a couple hours earlier than expected so we didn't get all our school work and cleaning done-- it was nice to see her though-- also we had a new friend start coming to our Greek class so that took longer than usual. I had a chance to get some cleaning done but the baby was fussing which he usually doesn't do-- so I gave up and laid down with him for a lovely nap-- I have some weird cold that makes me snore at night and I'm not as rested in the morning as I should be- now I have to decide whether to do some dishes-- there aren't many or quit and go to bed because I'm tired and it takes me a long time to get going but I could fall asleep in a minute-- and we have to be to a co-op I'm not ready for at 10 am and pass out a few flyers for primary hopefully before we go. Have I taken on too much?

Overall life is good-- I'm glad I have beautiful children whose diapers I can change and a great house where we are all comfortable and our messes are much more easily contained.  I really will miss these days, because they are so full and rich.  My kids tell me all sorts of interesting things about movies and Minecraft and other things.  I have good friends from church, homeschooling and blogs.  It will be weird to not have so much to do-- I will miss it-- so I guess I'll keep overscheduling myself and keep trying to do the impossible-- I may not make it, but I'll come closer than if I hadn't tried!

 

 

Sweet kids

I think age tw is my favorite age- they are still willing to do most of what I teel them to, they want to be around me all the time and they start to talk and express themselves and they can run around and they are still so small and cute.  These are some of the most remembered sayings from my kids at that age.

#1  My tummy's hot-- meant that she was hungry
#2  I not cute-- I Enonnyn
#3  I can't remember anything specific except that he threw a football perfectly and pretended to shoot me with a compass since there were no boy toys in the house at that time- now that's all we have!
#4   Ready to wiiiiiiiipe!
#5  In response to whoever answered his question when he didn't want them to --- I'm taaaalking to mooooomy or I'm taaaaalking to Daddy.
#6  I want you mommy, I want you  Matha peaks and tar twek -- that space
#7  oooooh danks, mommy --- no way, uh huh- then he'll repeat whatever it is

Baptism and Blessing

My husband had the great pleasure of baptizing our 8 yr. old and blessing the 2 month old.  It was a crazy time especially since we decided to hold the 8 yr. olds b-day party the day before. it was just crazy getting the house, food and everybody ready.  It all worked out.  We didn't get to do everything we would have liked- like extra deep cleaning and haircuts- but it turned out to be a very nice day.  It was a stake baptism which I don't like because they have to be really efficient and the focus seems to go away from the children to the process and where everybody is supposed to go, but this one was O.K. - there were 2 other boys being baptized from our ward and our bishop did a great job of making us all feel valued and loved.  The mothers also got to say a few words at the end and then the other families were excused and we blessed the little baby. It was very sweet to me as a mother.  I loved it.  I think #4 was happy and #8 was happy as usual- slept most of the time.  I've got him here on my lap now-- so sweet- growing so very fast.  I can't believe it!!

The house saga continues!!

O.K.-- so we finally got our old house all cleaned out and up on the market.  We have put all our money on that house so we have a tiny payment, but we cannot access that money unless we get an additional loan with the house as collateral and the house just keeps getting destroyed. And we are all out of money to be able to fix it and be able to sell it for the best price possible.  After a month at the suggestion of our realtor we lowered the price and we were ecstatic to hear that we got an offer that week!!  However, those people walked through and found water in the basement!!  We redid the basement, put in new carpet and walls and paint just 2 1/2 years ago-- and there was water????  We've never had water down there in the 8 yrs. we lived there!!!!  This worried the buyer a little and we had to tear out that nice carpet because it was ruined!!  So we don't have an offer anymore and we had to lower the price again!!!  The good news is that it is not the foundation-- it probably came in through one of the windows because my husband overwatered an area out there because it didn't get enough after we moved out.  We just can't win at real estate.  Oh well, life goes on and my husband has some good future prospects.  We thought we might have gotten out of losing a bunch of money from the real estate bubble, but we didn't.  Hopefully the house will sell and we can just count our losses and move on.  We'll see!!

Good News

We have a bit of a break-- the people still want our house but at a lower price because of the water.  We should be done with it soon.  We are definitely losing money on the transaction, but it won't break us and it just is what the market dictates.  Yay!!!

Everyone is doing pretty well and I've gotten the 2 older boys to practice the piano everyday and they are both playing the ukelele-- I'm learning with them.  It's pretty fun-- even if my teen daughter doesn't think so.

I'm also glad that things seem to be working out the way we thought they would in spite of the wild storms, weird markets, neverending paperwork, and I gotta go-- I have an appt. at 7:12 p.m.!

A Series of Unfortunate Events

I feel like we are characters in this series.  We lowered the price of our house substantially and immediately got an offer.  Then the buyers found water in the basement which has NEVER happened in the 8 years we lived there.  The pad is completely soaked but there is no sign of water anywhere else- the walls and ceiling are dry. That carpet was only 2 years old. Weird-- we really needed that house to sell to be able to afford this one.  We'll wait and see what happens.

Then church was CRAZY!!  Our ward is so big and growing weekly-- there were quite a few people who had to sit in the foyer it was so crowded- it takes about 30 min. to pass the sacrament to everybody--  we tried to figure out the seating for our primary program-- we have so many kids-- the chapel was practically full of our kids-- most the classes have 10-15 kids in them and there are 2 of every class except Sunbeams has 3 classes-- anyway-- it was CRAZY and nobody will be able to see the kids in the program because there will be nowhere to sit and there are so many kids that it is just impossible to get them all in a place where they can be seen.  Anyway- the worst of it is that after I picked up one of my 2 year old twins from nursery, he took off ahead of me and I couldn't call him back, get his attention or follow him because the hall was packed FULL of people I couldn't get around. My girls came up and I sent them after him, they came right back and had not seen him at all.  I told them to keep circling the church and I went outside-- a teenage girl was carrying him up the outside steps and told me she had found him in the MIDDLE OF THE ROAD outside.  There are just too many people for that building.  We are awaiting a split, but it keeps getting put off.  I'm not sure it's safe to take my little ones until the split happens. 

What's next?

Diapers, diapers, diapers!!

I love watermelon, but it is a messy treat and it makes for extra diapers.  I already have 3 children in diapers and one who doesn't always quite make it to the toilet and today there was more than the usual amount of dirty diapers and accidents to clean up.  What a day!!  I think we will be potty training this next weekend.  Should be fun!!!  It's a good thing these little people are so dang cute!! It takes a lot of love and patience to change that many diapers!!! 

Joys of Motherhood

Today little #6 kept me company while I made two batches of bread.  He watched me and helped dump some flour into the mixer.  He was a little surprised when he touched the spinning part for the blender pitcher and it didn't stop.  He told me when the mixer had stopped and then he started eating bread dough and watched me to see if I would see him do it and what I would do.  He loves to run away from me when I want to change his diaper, wash his face, change his clothes or brush his teeth.  I love doing all those things for him.  He is sooooo cute-- he has the LONGEST eyelashes and the cutest little face.  When he gets in trouble, he puts both of his little arms and hands over his face and then hides his face in the couch or on a pillow or wall.

#7 repeats everything I say.  He says "thanks" when I get him an apple or change his diaper-- he doesn't run away from me.  He is very sweet and likes to sit right next to me close when we watch T.V. or when I am nursing on the couch.  He also likes to say prayers at meals and at night. Very sweet.  I just want to hold him forever- he's so cute.

#5 has taken a new interest in baby toys.  He pretty much takes anything the twins have been playing with once they have forgotten about for a second and then says it's his turn, but he would have had no interest in it had they not been playing with it before.  As if it wasn't hard enough to share with each other, the twins have to share with their big brother.  I usually make him give it back to whichever twin had it.  He loves the little baby and likes to pat his head and talk to him.  That makes me happy.  I try to give him extra positive reinforcement when he does what he is supposed to-- I think the 3-5 yr old age group is pretty annoying overall.  But I will miss this stubborn little boy as he grows out of it.

#8 is sooooo soooooo sooooooo cute and sweet.  He is starting to smile, coo and reach for things.  I love to just hold his tiny body close to me and smell his baby smell.  There is nothing cuter and sweeter than a tiny helpless baby.  He has to be carried everywhere and he needs his diaper changed and he needs to nurse and sleep.  That's it-- I LOVE babies.

The older kids are so easy-- they dress themselves, they brush their own teeth, they clean things, they help get dinner and other meals on the table, they help the twins find things and get glasses of water.  They take care of the chickens, the cat and the dog.  I love my older kids.  I hope I'll continue to be able to give them the attention they need.  They are really good kids and I love having them around.  I hope they continue to make good choices and learn to work hard and do lots of interesting things.

Life is good.  I love being a mom and spending time with my kids.  I am very thankful for a good husband who works very hard so that I can do this work.  He doesn't enjoy being told what to do all the time at work and the past 2 years have been particularly stressful for him-- I'm grateful he's been willing to sacrifice his preferences to give me and the kids the security of a consistent income and medical insurance.  None of this happens without an excellent husband and father.  They are soooo important to a successful, happy family.

Not that I do everything I should  or that I always remember that I love parenting-- but overall I have a pretty good time and I want to remember these sweet moments.

Well somebody just rolled out of bed so ta-ta for now!

Funny sayings

My almost 8 yr old went for his baptismal interview today , it was really nice-- when the bishop asked why we don't baptize babies- my sweet little boy responded that they would drown and he said you have to have the atomic priesthood.  So sweet.

My 2 year old twins are so dang cute-- they are so happy when I understand what they want.  they repeat everything I say.  #6 talks more than #7.  They both say "no way" , we couldn't find #6's toothbrush, he put his little arms up and said "it's all gone, can't find it, mom"-- he calls me mom instead of mommy like the other kids have.  They say "me, turn" to say their nightly prayers and to get their diapers changed.  They do not want to be potty trained, but I think they are ready-- we will probably do it soon. #7 loves pockets and carries all sorts of trinkets in them- dice,cars, toy planes, colored game pieces.  He also likes to walk around with a little backpack and frisbees.  When #6 takes something he shouldn't he smiles real cute and then throws it to give it back.  It warms my heart when they hug each other or the other kids and say sorry.

#6 gets scared easily.  We had to tell him there are no monsters in the house.  He had a big red ant get stuck in his shirt and bite him a couple times before I figured out what it was-- so ther were some tiny ants-- he was scared of them we told him it was OK and the next day he told me "ants not get me".  He was scared of bears too, my husband made some scary bear sounds and he went running- very concerned- then we had to tell him there are no bears in the house either.  He also think that the city lights across the lake are fireworks.

They say peaches and Martha Speaks really cute.  I am a lucky mom.

As if that weren't enough, my baby is adorable-- starting to smile and coo.  He only cries when he's hungry or tired.  My other children bring me great joy and satisfaction too.  Life is good.

What Really Matters

I have always loved the scriptures- the Bible, the Doctrine & Covenants and  especially the Book of Mormon.  There are nuggets of pure goodness and beauty and love in those words-- they are the teachings that drew me to the Savior and made life worth living.  I have described a bit over the past couple years what a struggle life has been for me and my family --  my husband getting laid off from his dream job working from home- making a lot of money then working for the church and commuting far away, being pregnant with twins, remodeling our house while being very pregnant with twins, having the twins, surviving after the twins, becoming isolated after the twins, having our few friends move, having our church ward go bad and being shunned, feeling it necessary to get out of that situation, beginning the process of building a new home closer to my husband's work and in a good neighborhood and ward, commuting an hour away for church and homeschool activities and vision therapy, being pregnant with #8, finally moving in after everything that could have possibly slowed it down did, getting the old house cleaned out (which took forever), getting evacuated because of a wildfire we watched come very near our new neighborhood, having a beautiful baby, being transported to Primary Children's NICU, dealing with necessary  medical tests and billi lights, finally finishing that, finally being settled in our new house, and now seeing the end of that chapter finally come to pass.

My husband will be moving to vendor status so he will no longer be a church employee-- they still want him to do work for them, but he will get paid hourly and he will be able to work from home.  We just got word of this today.  We paid a big sum of tithing last week which really was about the last of the buffer we had for our move and we were grateful to hear that my husband will be getting the hourly rate he asked for which means a raise and also means that we will be able to afford our new house since the old one will probably take awhile to sell.  Tithing is a true principle-- we have been blessed for paying that tithing.

This whole process and experience has put us to the edge of our capacity to endure.  There were some days where we just laid in bed as long as we possibly could dreading the events of that particular day.  Our faith was challenged first by our ward turning bad and then by interacting and seeing bad things happen at a higher level in our beloved church.  We were very sad and disappointed and confused.

But the bottom line is that with all its imperfections the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the Lord's church.  The Savior of the world loves me and my family.  People and leaders in the church may fail me, but He will never fail me.  He has been, is and will take care of me and my family.  He knows we have been trying hard to follow Him.  He knows we have felt alone and lost and forgotten.  He has come through-- everytime I couldn't last another day-- word would come that kept me going-- this happened at least 3 times-- the first was around Thanksgiving we found out the lot was ours-- several times people in our new ward just said hi and asked how I was doing-- the Lord sent me a couple new friends to cheer me-- my SIL would call to visit often when I felt the most down-- I was invited to join a forum with some other moms of large families online who helped me find joy and comraderie in the huge task of raising so many little ones and being pregnant again-- we finally closed on our house-- had we not closed on the day we finally did -- I was totally ready to just walk away-- a dear friend just happened to stop by and was able to counsel me in dealing with a difficult family situation when I was very down--  it was hard, but the Lord was there for me although He let me struggle and maybe let me suffer to my capacity-- He didn't let me go beyond my capacity to endure and fulfill my responsibilities in caring for my children.

I feel so grateful.  I'm especially grateful to be in control of my life again.  Instead of spending time and money on the road, I can clean my house and cook healthy meals.  I am able to learn and teach interesting things with my kids.  I have learned A LOT-- more than I wanted, but I am grateful.  I may be able to start giving back and helping others instead of just trying to survive.

So-- what really matters?

LOVE, KINDNESS, CHARITY

That's it-- just be nice-- don't put people down or make them feel worse about themselves-- be good to people.  People matter-- nothing else-- no matter how forlorn, beaten, sinful, sorry, good or bad-- they matter.  Be kind, be loving in thought, in word, in action.

the end.

Meal Plans

I have had to redo a lot of my stand by menus because my family is just plain tired of the same meals all the time.  My 3 main requirements for meals have been that they are healthy, easy and cheap.  Because I have some picky eaters and we have eaten fairly healthy for the past couple years, I have learned that there is value in the food also tasting good-- so that has been my main task lately to make the food taste good and to find things that everybody likes.

First I knew that I absolutely needed to find a good bread recipe.  I have found 2 that I like and that are very healthy with my pioneer natural yeast so that we have good cheap bread available to eat most the time.

Today we had cafe rio type of taco salad.  The chipotle salad dressing is quite good.
Yesterday we had potato salad and pasta salad and crepes.  The crepe recipe with the pioneer yeast is awesome.
Other things we had-- split pea soup, enchilada casserole, salmon,
Plans for this week-- ratatouille, burritos, italian potatoes, bruschetta and hummus, sandwiches

Now I need to figure out meals- especially since the kids have practices pretty much everyday during my normal prep time and I have a nursing baby-- so I really need to know ahead of time what we'll be eating so that I can have it ready in a timely manner which doesn't happen very often.  It is also helpful to record what recipes everybody liked.

Baking success

Life has been a little grim around here-- we had a crazy storm--earlier in the day it was fairly warm and the following day it was up in the 80s to 90s-- but out of nowhere we had a TON of rain and hail the size of marbles.  Soon after while we were admiring the sunset, we heard rushing water and there was a river of rushing burnt smelling mud that just appeared.  Fortunately it missed our house completely, but unfortunately for the houses 2 streets over, it just plowed through-- 11 of those houses ended up with mud damage,many of them had basements that just completely filled with mud all the way to the ceilings.  Insurance won't cover the damages and there are no financial aid programs.  It is very sad.  There has been a huge volunteer effort though and most of the houses are cleaned out at this point, but there is a ton of work left to do.  It has been unreal.  The flash flood of mud was a result of the fire we were evacuated for back in June.  This has been a crazy place to live thus far.

But on a brighter note-- I sucessfully baked 2 different kinds of whole wheat bread using pioneer yeast that was not sour, so my picky eater would eat it.  Natural yeast is supposed to be much healthier for us and some people with gluten intolerance can eat wheat breads using natural yeast-- so I'm very excited about this.

One of the kinds was from the book, "Healthy Bread in 5 Minutes a Day" which is a no-knead bread-- I doubled the recipe, left out the wheat gluten, added a couple spoonfuls of coconut oil and used about 2 1/2 cups of pioneer yeast starter.  I also used warm water I saved from boiling potatoes the night before and I reduced the water it called for by 2 cups.  It turned out great.

The next type was a very basic whole wheat bread recipe-- I would have used the potato water again, but I wanted to see if it would work without it.  I proofed the yeast with a little honey, regular water and about 1/4 cup of starter, then I mixed 6 cups of whole wheat flour and 4 cups of warm water in my mixer then added the yeast mixture, honey, salt, coconut oil, and the rest of the flour and kneaded it for awhile, then I let it rest til I was afraid it was too sticky and wouldn't work, so after about an hour cause that's how long it takes me to get back to things in between helping different kids with stuff-- I shaped the loaves and put them in an unheated oven to rise for several hours til they were double in size and then I baked them.  I am so happy both kinds worked and tasted so good!!

I also made some more peach jam without pectin.  I blended 5 cups worth of peaches poured it into a pot with juice from 1 lemon and 3 cups worth of sucanat, brought it to a boil and had the kids take turns stirring it for 20 min.  It made great jam.  so my house is a bit of a mess-  but I may have bread baking solved!!  I lost the password to my cooking blog again-- so maybe I'll just give up on that or maybe I'll get around to making another one-- don't know!!

happenings

The cute little baby is now about 6 1/2 weeks old.  It's sad that the little newborn days are gone especially because it was such a whirlwind, but it's nice that he is doing well and he isn't so fragile.  He is still super sweet, he nurses a ton and sleeps a ton, and the other kids love to hold him when I need them to do so.  I took him to the cardiologist for a check up and he passed the check up and since he didn't have any other heart episodes, we don't have to go back.  That has been a huge relief.  He had also gained 2 pounds he was up to 10 lb 11 oz.!!  He is a little chunk, and oh so cute with his chubby cheeks.

That same week, one of my cute little twins jumped off the top of the bunk bed without the pillows and blankets that are normally there to cushion the fall and broke his little foot.  It was very tiny- didn't even show up on the X-ray- the radiologist had to confirm it was broken-- little #7 wouldn't put any pressure on it for a couple days though until I finally held his hand and had him walk on it a little bit-- he is pretty much back to his normal little rambuncious self.

We have had a ton of dental appts. this week.  Everybody had at least one cavity so we will all be glad when those appts. are over.  We will also be starting vision therapy with #4 again and it's time for a new pair of $300 glasses for him.  Staying healthy is not cheap!!!

We are loving all the fresh produce especially the Utah peaches-- they just can't be beat!!  My girls tried out for a choir and show choir.  They made the choir because they both have lovely voices, but they did not make show choir because it is not in their nature to be showy-- I'm sure they can do it later if they work on that and really want to do it.  #1 is loving volleyball-- I'm so glad.  #2 started soccer and did pretty well in her first game.  We'll be doing more school this week and we should have our schedule ready to go strong and hard starting the week after.  It will be busy but fun and good!!

He's here!!

Little #8 is 3 weeks and a couple days old today.  H had a really rough start and we are finally recovering from that and trying to get our lives back together.   The labor and delivery were m hardest ever-- As usual I had to be induced and I was reallyot mentally prepared for the natural birth.  I wasn't worried about anything, but I also wasn't prepared, I think more than anything with our move and all I just didn't have time to think about his new little guy.  Finally tht last week of being pregnant, Memories of the twin pregnancy starting coming back and I couldn't move easily and I knew it was time for him to come.  W scheduled a day for the induction giving my husband one more weeked to work on our old house which we almost are ready to put on the market-- and we went into the hospital tohave tthis baby.  Unfortunately there was meconium in the amniotic fluid-- we have never had that before but I never heard it was any big deal.  I took forever to get to 5 cm dilation this time and then I instantly went into to heavy labor and had him about 1 hour and 15 minutes later.  I had a midwife instead of my regular doctor this time and it took a lot longer to push the baby out than usual-- I think some of it may have to do with her having me go on my side to push instead of using the stirups-- I like the stirups, they give me something to push against.  Also, she wanted me to move around a little bit, but I was so big with the baby, that I didn't want to move at all-- just lay there and let him come-- so it w ropugher than the others, but it has been my very best recovery so even though it was a tortuous hour, it was totally worth it for the recovery.

They took my sweet baby and because of the meconium, they were worried about his breathing and iwanted to moniter him instead of letting me hold him and nurse him.  I was very disappointed about this, but I trusted their judgement and certainly didn't want him to get pneumonia, but then his glucose went low so they gave him formula.  Fortunately because I recovered so quickly I was able to go in the nursery and eventually they let me hold him and nurse him.  he was doing alright and then about 12 hours after his birth after I had nurd him and held him in my room, they took him again for monitering and his heart rate was super fast-- 270 beats per minute, they were able to astop it by drawing blood, but the cardiologists at primary children's wanted to moniter him for 24 hours incase it happened again.  So my husband and father in law gave the baby a blessing-- he was blesed that he would recover and be healed.  We rode in an ambulance to Primary Children's hospital, they hooked him up to an IV incase he would need medication if his heart went crazy again.  Fortunately he didn't have another episode and they said there was a 1/3 chance that he wouldn't have another episode.  His echocardiogram came back looking good and we just have to go in for a check up next week.  He's eating well and gaining weight although he did have jaundice and we had to
 put him on the billi lights ands go in evyday and get his levels tested.  It was a scary and emotional time and I am still scared sometimes that he is breathing too quickly, but I feel strongly that he is fine and I just need to have faith.  I'm so grateful to have him here.  He is so so sweet.

There is nothing sweeter than a newborn baby and it is so satisfying to watch him doing well.  I love holding him as do the other children.  It was very sobering to see and watch the other babies in the NICU with really major problems who have been in there for months and had surgeries and numerous tests and tons of wires for monitering and meds.  It was so so sad and very sobering to realize just how lucky we are, because even if my baby were to have another episode, it is something that can eventually be fixed.  I am so sorry for those parents with really ill children.  It is awful to watch a sweet baby suffer so.  I've had a hard enough time dealing with this little issue--I hope angels are with those babies and parents who really need support and love and hope.


We love our new house and our neighbors and friends.  We've started some school, I'm reading at night to the kids again and getting my house in order-- we brought the chickens over from the other house and we planted some fall crops in the front yard.  I think this next year wuill be a gret respite and calm compared to past 3 years of difficulty.  I am just full of gratitude and hope.


hing, With our move I just hadn't had time to think about this new littl There as meconium in the water when they broke my sac to induce the little

Lots going on!

We finally moved! We love it! We got evacuated because of a HUGE fire!! The fireline got to within about 1500 ft. of our house we are guessing. We stayed the night in our old house it wasn't too bad we hadn't moved the camping stuff yet, so I got to sleep on our nice airbed. I'm 36 weeks pregnant I went in for an ultrasound last week because I was measuring big and they estimated the baby was already 7 lb 6 oz and looking good and normal so I will probably get induced at 38 or 39 weeks, there is still so much left to do before the baby comes! This has been my easiest pregnancy so far which is a huge blessing since we have had so much stress with getting our house built and settled. We spent a couple days in Park city because after we closed on a Friday, the builder wouldn't give us the key until it funded which it didn't do until Tuesday-- not really surprised given the way the whole thing has gone, now we've been in about 2 weeks and got evacuated!! So sorry to bring our bad luck to the neighbors! Anyway, it looks like the house has survived the fire and they are waiting to make sure the winds and firelines hold and then they'll let us come back. I am so looking forward to having a normal life where we can plan things and do them and get back into a routine. We started a math study group with our neighbors who also homeschool and it is going well, we moms tutor and the younger kids play and keep the babies entertained. It felt so good to do academic things again. I've gotten a lot of boxes unpacked and favorite books on the shelf. Now we'll see what else life has in store for the next while-- never a dull moment that's for sure!!!

Surprising Facts about Utah

Here are some depressing/ surprising news articles about Utah that I was not aware of-- actually I had heard about the anti-depressant use and the plastic surgeons, but not the huge dollar amount spent on hair color and cosmetics nor that Utah is the No. 1 consumer of online porn-- no wonder there were so many conference talks on porn-- But with all of this together-- I think there is a bigger problem here. Given that the population of Utah is about 70% LDS, it does cause one to wonder why Salt Lake City is the vainest city in the country, why is anti-depressant use TWICE what the next state uses, and why are we the no.1 consumer of online porn? Wow-- these are not good statistics for Utah. What's the deal-- what do you think?: http://www.forbes.com/2007/11/29/plastic-health-surgery-forbeslife-cx_rr_1129health_slide_2.html http://articles.latimes.com/2002/feb/20/news/mn-28924 http://www.deseretnews.com/article/700066056/Antidepressants-flow-freely-in-Utah-as-1-in-5-women-partakes.html?pg=1 http://www.sltrib.com/business/ci_11821265

Having a Crew is Fun!!!

This evening after playing "pig" with the basketball my husband set up an obstacle course for the kids to race around. It was simple basically consisting of our still unbuilt green twisty slide pieces to jump over in a circle and a starting/finishing line. The kids had to hold a ball and run through the course as fast as possible. We laughed a lot-- especially at the 2 yr old twins. They were so cute and tried to do what they saw their siblings do, but couldn't quite make it. It was so much fun. I love having a bunch of kids. It's always a party around here!!!

A great article on why p*rn is so bad

I think this article on the effects of pornography is very enlightening. I think it is extremely helpful to understand as much as we can about these issues so that we can teach our children why they must be so careful.

http://nymag.com/nymetro/news/trends/n_9437/

The House

The house is finally moving along well again. the outside is completely covered in the black stuff ready to stucco and the inside is all insulated and the sheetrock is completely done. It is an awesome house with a great layout. We are so glad that they are finally working on it again!!!

Goats, Pregnancy, Soccer, Chickens and House building

Boy am I ever tired of driving an hour away for all our social events and church meetings. I never thought it would take this long for us to move-- we started the process in August of 2011. The house is going up pretty fast. If it follows the schedule, we will be in April 30-- we'll see. We got a great price on the lot and the house, but the builders have really not been good to work with. There are a couple things they changed, but overall the houseplan and lot are awesome and so is the view and we can't wait to move.

The goats have been pastured at our neighbors up the road, but they kept getting out so we brought them home after taking forever to catch them and then listening to their bleating afterward-- we decided to sell them. They were extremely cute and the kids really had a good time with them especially since we had them right here in our yard, so it was sad to see them go-- but until we have a fully fenced yard with a strong pen to contain them-- it just wouldn't work out. Maybe next year if the city lets us.

I am about 23 weeks pregnant. It has been fine. I feel good, I have plenty of energy. I have been slowly catching up on the housework and we even got a good chunk of the van cleaned out today- most notably the hay we had been hauling over tarnation for the goats.

The first soccer games of the season start on Saturday-- 5 games every Saturday for us. The kids love it and look forward to it and I like watching them and being outside.

The chickens survived the winter, the wild windstorm that took out our 50 ft. cottonwood tree along with the deck and all the other crazy weather this winter. We collect about 6 eggs a day, one from each chicken. The eggs are really good, much better than even organic store bought eggs. The kids take care of them religiously and they really love them. It has been a good learning experience for us all. We do need to build a better coop though especially since they won't be able to roam in our new yard until we have it fully fenced.

I wonder what our neighbors will think of us!! One of our neighbors homeschools and has chickens so at least they should like us!!

Funny 5 yr old sayings

"Do I lose a minute if I burp?"

"yes"

"O.K."

for his prayers he prays that he will be able to play the wii, the ipad and the kindle.

I guess 5 yr old boys care a lot about how many minutes they are allowed on the wii!

Ron Paul Support

Ron Paul drew a crowd of 5000 in Illinois, Newt Gingrich had 70 people not far away, Mitt Romney had a few earlier in the week in St. Louis and Rick Santorum had 150 in Kansas. The media still won't cover Paul's events. It is maddening.

http://www.infowars.com/ron-paul-draws-massive-crowd-of-5000-in-illinois/

Update

Exciting news-- baby #8 is a boy!! That gives us 6 boys in a row!! I think they will have a ball growing up together. I'm glad I had my sweet girls first and together. I'm glad they have each other. Our new house is coming along. It has been mostly framed so the next thing will be the roof, windows and doors, then they'll start on the plumbing and electrical. It is turning out even better than I anticipated. We have a great view of the lake and the mountains. It is so pretty, expecially now with the snow covered mountains reflecting in the lake. We just can't wait to be down there. I like the way the entryway is turning out- i was a little worried it would be boxy but it's plenty big and nice and open. I also really like the size of windows, and my laundry room will be plenty big. We also have a nice big yard that I am having fun designing it for the future. Just 8 weeks left to go. We are really getting tired of being in the car so much. We can't wait for my husband to have a shorter and safer commute as well.

I'm feeling better with this pregnancy. I'm feeling big, but I have my energy mostly back and I've started exercising again which feels so good and helps me feel like my own person. I'm sure I'm big too because I got so stretched out with the twins last time and this is my 7th full term pregnancy after all. But just having one baby this time doesn't seem like such a big deal after those twins. Plus he'll be born in the summer instead of the winter or fall so that will be nice and we'll be in a house that works better for the number of people we have living here and we'll be able to park in the garage. I remember the days I used to leave the sleeping the babies in the car in the garage after we'd get home from running errands and such. It will be nice to have that option again. Now if we can just keep going until then!!

I'm working on the regular stuff -- housework, laundry, organizing, cooking-- it is such a big job. I'm learning to delegate better. It is a process though. Life is busy but good. We spent a couple hours at the park today-- it was so nice out!

Is Ron Paul a Legitimate Candidate?

This is a comment I left in response to this blog post :http://toddnjenifermoss.blogspot.com/2012/01/politics-by-me.html

Being a long time Ron Paul fan -- I had a sign and bumper sticker for him in 2008-- this shed a little light for me on Republicans general refusal to consider him as a legitimate candidate. I don't think it has to do with logic and seriously considering the issues, I think it has more to do with being afraid to do something out of the ordinary. All the other candidates will give us more of the same-- keep the status quo.

Personally I'd like to see real change. I'd like to see a balanced budget and significant cuts in spending. I'd like to see us get out of these far away wars. He's the only veteran up there by the way, and he has the most money donated by military people. He wins the majority of voters in the 18-30 age group which I think gives the country as a whole hope for the future once the baby boomers get out of the way. It's time for a real change. People tend to like his consistent domestic policy-- if he's so smart that way-- can he really be so wrong on his foreign policy? And if you are voting by nice families and character -- he's got it. He doesn't flip flop at all. You know where he stands and he's done so 30 years. People are finally starting to listen.

Ron Paul is a legitimate choice and probably the only one with a real chance of beating Obama. Realistically though, I'll take Obama over the other Republican candidates because he'll be watched by Republicans. George W. Bush passed more liberal laws and did more damage to the constitution than any Democrat president could have done.

So there you go-- my little vent. To each his own!! We can still be friends!

Things I've Learned and Things I hope I don't Forget

When I started this blog, most of my posts were about books or works I read. I started this blog during a relatively slow easy time of my life. While pregnant with #5 I had time to start to learn the guitar, I was a member of 3 book clubs and I was part of some very nice homeschool groups and I had some very good friends. After having #5 I managed to read plenty, keep up with my book clubs, homeschooling, housekeeping, guitar and piano playing, running, yoga, cleansing, healthy cooking and other fun activities for both me and the kids. I was called to serve in Young Women's. I was in there about a year and learned a lot. It was very good for me to see what my girls were headed towards. A year later I was back in primary and about 6 months later I found out I was having twins. My life has not been the same since. I have grown as a person a hundred fold. That pregnancy was incredibly difficult. The following year and a half were also difficult for varying reasons. I have a sense now that we have switched wards (congregations), we'll be moving into a new house with an awesome layout, and my husband's work paying off more that we may get to experience some less stressful and growing times for at least a little bit. I know life doesn't slow down -- so I could be wrong about all that, but I still want to remember what I've learned these past couple years so that I don't ever forget.

Starting with the twin pregnancy: It was incredibly difficult. I was unable to keep up with most of what I had been doing before. No more exercising, playing the guitar or reading. It was all I could do to feed the kids and clean the house. By the end I seriously felt that I could better understand people with serious health issues. I have so much more empathy for people who are bedridden. At least for me it was for a wonderful cause and I had something marvelous to look forward to, and I knew it would end. How disheartening for someone for whom there may be no end to the pain and constant discomfort. That is the first thing I don't want to forget: I don't want to forget how it feels to be incapacitated. The first trimester I felt terrible-- I just let the kids watch TV and eat sandwiches and fruit. I just ate whatever I could get down. The house got so bad that we couldn't even walk down the hall. I am embarrassed to admit this on a public site, but it is the truth. The 2nd trimester was a reprieve, but the last trimester I got so big that I could barely get around. People were asking me all the time if I was pregnant with twins. I started to swell and I had to wash dishes and cook sitting down on a tall stool. I mostly just sat and slept.

The next thing I don't want to forget is how being a young mother alone feels. After the twins were born, I didn't have time to keep up my relationships with people and some of my best friends moved during this time. Also some of my friends were done having children and their youngest started school so they were no longer available for the get togethers I enjoyed with my older kids when they were young. Also, I essentially had a job teaching those older ones and I was unavailable for get togethers unless it involved my older children. Gone were the leisurely days of spending hours at the zoo or the museum or even the store. I finally realized and experienced how many first time mothers often feel alone and overwhelmed with their baby. All my babies have slept well and been calm and I'm pretty laid back so even 5 young children didn't slow me down or make me feel overwhelmed. Twins did it. I didn't have any time for anything besides caring for my new babies and my older children and my house.

But I still love my older children and I take my responsibility to care for them very seriously and I made sure they had friends and activities and schoolwork to help them grow. We didn't do as many outside things as before but we had these cute babies to play with and care for and it was pretty fun. We read a lot and got a lot of schoolwork done. Once the twins were about 6 months old I felt that we could breathe a little and I wanted to get back to being more involved at church and with our homeschool friends. One thing that was very annoying to me during this time were people who didn't want to "burden" me by asking me to help with things that affected my own children. I felt that I was perfectly capable and with older kids, I could certainly get away from the twins for an hour to help with something with the older ones. I didn't volunteer any help during the twins' first 6 months of life, but when I was ready I expected that others would be happy to have me back. This was not the case. I sensed that people wanted to keep me away. They didn't like me and were glad that I had been out of the picture and they wanted to keep it that way. This was mostly at church which I've written about before. But I don't want to forget how that feels because I don't ever want to do that to anybody else. People also assumed that I had to be so busy and because of that I was basically unable to do anything outside of my home at all. Especially the older women-- I think most of them had forgotten what it's like to have a bunch of little ones at home. It is very important for young mothers to get out of the house sometimes, interact with other women and do some things by herself-- not all the time, but it is necessary at least a little. Having a bunch of little ones is very physically demanding. There is very little leeway. If the mother hasn't thought out meals and snacks ahead of time, there will be a bunch of crying, hungry children and then it is almost impossible to make anything for them to eat.

It is not possible to just "run" to the store or check on this one thing real quick. Nothing is quick with little ones that you have to buckle and unbuckle in their carseats constantly. Going anywhere is a major undertaking that has to be planned ahead of time. The less stops, the better. There are lots of things that have to be packed like snacks and diapers and jackets and socks and blankets, etc. These children cannot be left alone at anytime. They have to be supervised at all times. It is a 24 hr. job. There is no "winging" it and when you have several children, eating out is just too expensive. Everything must be planned or you can't go. Older ladies especially seem to forget this-- so many of them just really don't have enough to do. They go shopping, they do projects, they read, they attend classes, etc. There is nothing wrong with any of these things, but they need to be sensitive to strain that young mothers bear. I hope I don't ever forget that. When I'm old I want to make sure I give a smile, kind word and encouragement to young mothers. I want to drop off homemade bread or just stop by to chat for a little bit. I want to reach out to their children and make them feel that they have a friend in me and I want the mother to feel at ease with me around her children and know that I really do love her and her children. I don't want to get caught up in all the projects and activities I'll finally be able to do. I want to be sensitive to the feelings of those around me.

Another thing I want to recognize when I'm old is that these young moms who will look sooooo young to me are full grown adults with personalities and opinions that are just as valid as my own. I never want to think that I am so much wiser just because I am older and have already raised my children. Those mothers deserve my full respect because they are working 24 hours a day and most do an amazing job. I hope I realize that I probably can't do half the stuff I was able to do when I was young-- and if I can, then I need to try to help out at least be respectful and encouragin and loving.

The other thing I experienced as I realized that I was being shunned at church is what it feels like to be subject to people who don't care about you-- how it feels to have no one care what you think about anything even though it affects yourself and your children. I sensed a lot of leaders willing to take my children and teach or serve them, but totally unwilling to reach out to me as a person. It was as if I didn't matter as a person-- just my children were important. The attitude was "thank you for bringing me your child, now please go away". They wanted zero input from me. Really they didn't want me to be me. They wanted me to fit some other mold that I couldn't. I closed up. I stopped interacting with these people. I avoided them, and I only went to church to worship and take the sacrament, not for social reasons. I finally understood first hand how inactive members and non LDS members must feel. I don't ever want to forget that because I don't ever want to make anyone feel the way I was made to feel. I want every person I meet to know that I care about them and love them as a person, not just because it is my duty to act like I care. I want them to know that I truly and sincerely care for them regardless of if I am in a leadership position in the church or not. I also want to remember what it's like to not have a calling and how ostracized it makes a person feel. It is much easier to deal with people's insecurities and letting your children go with them when you have another job in the church to do as well. But when you have nothing, no responsibility and not a soul who can help you that cares, how awful that feels. I don't forget that. I am so much more empathetic towards others. A lack of love, concern and care really does kill a person slowly. I never knew how bad until I experienced it myself and I hope I never forget.

It is so important to reach out. Even just an encouraging smile that shows your love can do wonders. Life is hard. You never know what people may be going through. We must love each other. We can all feel different and on the outside for various reasons and we need to lift each other and pray for charity for it truly is the greatest gift of God. Charity. Charity. Charity. I hope I will always remember this so that I never make anyone feel sad or lonely or weak. I hope they will feel love and that I will be able to love each and every person I meet.

I am really grateful for these hard times. I was strong enough to learn from them. I don't know if I would have been ready for these lessons earlier in my life. I am grateful to understand humanity better. I think I was very naive before. I loved people, I tried to be good and reach out, but some of the feelings people would tell me about, I just really didn't understand and now I do. I pray that I never forget. These have been most valuable lessons for me. I feel more connected to real people and to life. I don't think I'm scared of much anymore. I feel very empowered. I know that my worth and testimony are not based on other's opinions of me, but on my personal relationship with God. I feel that I understand better what our Savior went through with the hatred of those who should have accepted Him. I am so grateful. I pray that I never forget. I have much more to learn, but that's O.K. I will continue to learn and grow. It's O.K. to be wrong. Life is good, repentance is real. The Savior and the Atonement are real. Life is good. I am very thankful to have some new friends and a wonderful, welcoming, accepting ward where I can feel the Spirit and the Savior's love each week. Thank you new ward full of such wonderful people. Amen.

Guantanamo and Mitt Romney contrast to Ron Paul 2002 Predictions

This is the story of an innocent man from Bosnia who was detained in Guantanamo Bay for seven years before he was finally allowed a trial and found innocent. It is not very long, but very worth reading:

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/08/opinion/sunday/my-guantanamo-nightmare.html?_r=1

There are still prisoners in Guantanamo who have not received their day in court.

Look at what Romney said about Guantanamo during the 2008 election:



Is it any wonder I don't like Romney-- this is just one thing-- does he really know what's going on and is he willing to see the reality of many situations and deal with them?

Ron Paul on the otherhand-- Here's a video of his predictions from 2002:



My husband was the one who found all these links-- I liked them so much I wanted to share. Knowledge is power.

Pregnancy

I thought I was past morning sickness, but I'm probably not as far along as I thought and although I had a decent week this week and was able to function mostly normally I started getting a headache last night and I've had it off and on all day today, and I haven't done much at all today. It is really frustrating and pregnancy is really really hard. I of course don't remember any of these hard things from previous pregnancies so my husband told me he really wants me write this down so I can remember. I have no memory of my only natural childbirth either. I remember no pain. All I see is my cute almost 2 yr olds and think oh they're so cute and then we decide to have another and boom-- I'm sick for 2 months. It is really crappy. I know it will be more than worth it in the end, but wow, pregnancy is tough. It truly is a sacrifice, very worth it, but very hard.