Monday, December 30, 2013
You are nothing without Love
I think writing things out is highly therapeutic for me, there has been so much stuff though that I have needed to flesh out privately and haven't because this and Facebook became my outlets. I just found a journal app that will be so much better than sharing my thoughts and impressions with the world. I am a pretty open book, and I think it worked against me on Some Facebook groups I was a part of, but I also learned a lot about myself and about people through the experience. The problem with Facebook is that there's no body language. In person you can tell when something is uncomfortable for the other person and you can tell when a change of subject is in order. With Facebook! you can lay out your heart and not realize that you have threatened someone with your thoughts or with your experience. The human experience is so varied and unique, that what may seem like common knowledge to me may be completely foreign and bizarre to someone else. And with FB, it's really hard to gauge when you are coming to that line. So probably not too unsurprisingly I threatened a lot of people on a fairly conservative LDS moms group I was a part of with my "radical" ideas. This has been awhile, so I joined a different more "radical" group, but I really liked it because the people there were fairly tolerant. It was refreshing and I wasn't radical at all there. So it has been an interesting exercise to observe the people's comments in these groups. I'm pretty tired of them both now and I have worked through a lot of things. Also, I haven't gone to my ward since testimony meeting because we've had family in town or gone to a different ward or had a sick kid, plus we're moving so I have not heard about any of the ward activities or goings on. It has helped my mental and emotional state so much, that I don't feel like I have to go vent some where. Those people can make me so angry so fast because of their ignorance and stupidity and my inability and powerlessness to change it, it is ridiculous. I have found time to play the piano, read and watch lectures again. I feel like I am coming back to myself. I started this blog as a place to review books I've read and to share ideas I liked, but once I got pregnant with the twins, all I was able to do was survive and protect my kids and try to figure out how to navigate the idiocy that seemed to surround me. It is really really relieving to have this period come to a close. Someday, I may write a book about these 4 years. They were great in terms of the kids growing and learning, and they were awful in terms of being rejected by our faith community. It wouldn't have been so bad if they hadn't pretended to be our friends. You don't have to like me, you don't have to be my friend, so don't pretend to be my friend and then stab me in the back, talk bad about me when I'm not there, marginalized me and push me away. That's not nice, and it really does hurt. When someone says or does something mean and back handed to another person, it hurts even if the person doing the harm believes they are a good person. Probably the most important thing I have learned through all of this is the reality of 1 Corinthians 13 that you are nothing without charity or love, it doesn't matter what else you do, how much money you donate charity, that you can prophesy, that you are respected in your community, that you are prospering in the land, etc, etc, if you don't sincerely and truly love people, be encouraging of them, don't be jealous, let them be themselves, don't shame them or guilt them, but just love them and accept them, then you really are nothing and nothing else you do matters one iota. And conversely, if you are the scum of the earth with no skills and no talents and nothing to share, but you truly have charity and love and compassion, it doesn't matter because you have what counts.
And you know what else? God loves us all the same, he doesn't love the pious church goer anymore than he loves the sinner. He doesn't love the fabulous singer any more than he loves the ugly or disabled person anywhere. He doesn't turn anyone away ever. He loves us all. May we all have that love, then the world would be a much better and happier place.
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5 comments:
It is sad that the people in two different wards have treated you that way. With all the studying and learning you like to do I am surprised you haven't done more research into the Mormon church. It sounds like it doesn't fit very well with your views and what you will find, through a little research, might explain why. I'm sure you would find it very interesting to say the least. I was a faithful member my whole life until the last couple years when I finally had to find better answers to my questions than what I was hearing at church. What I discovered was more than shocking. I'm only sorry that I didn't find the truth sooner but at least I found it before my children spent a lifetime devoted to a church that is not what it professes to be.
Jane-- I have actually read a lot about my church and I do find much of it in the history and in the corporate aspects of the church disturbing, But the Book of Mormon is true, I love the temple and I'm grateful to have the priesthood in my life. Over time the church seems to have corrected things like polygamy and denying the priesthood to black people, so my hope is that it will be able to also correct many of these ills and embody the gospel as described in the Book of Mormon. The teachings of the church directed me to Christ and have brought me much joy, which is probably why the past couple years have been so painful. I will do my best to follow the spirit and I am loyal to God and His commandments, not the church. And for now at least, this is where I need to be. Thank you for your sincere comment.
I don't know if this is a conversation you are interested in having so just ignore me if it isn't.
How do you know the Book of Mormon is true? The Mormon Church teaches you that if you get a good feeling about something the church tells you is true then it is true and I believed them but I don't think this kind of logic works. "The church is true." How do you know? Because I felt good about it. How do you know that means the church is true? The church told me it did. If you feel good about something that contradicts what the church or a church leader tells you then it isn't true, right? What about about people that belong to other religions and the "spirit" telling them their religions are true? Is that the spirit? What is the difference? Is it that the church told you their church is true and the others aren't? Really, it makes no sense.
What do you like about the priesthood? Does your husband perform miracles every time he prays? Or do things just sometimes work out the way you want them to so you attribute it to the priesthood? Can people that don't belong to the Mormon church pray and get healing blessings?
I don't even want to start with all my questions about the temple.
I'm not trying to change your mind about your religion. I'm just wondering how you answer these questions for yourself because I can't keep ignoring the fact that the church's answers for them make no sense.
Sure I'm game for a conversation. I'll just start with the BofM, I know it's true because I have read it many times and I like what it says, not because someone told me that it is true, The teachings I have found and followed in the BofM have made me feel closer to God and the Savior, have helped me understand the atonement and forgiveness and charity and prayer and have helped me become a better person. Does that much make sense? Do you believe in the Bible?
"If you feel good about something that contradicts what the church or a church leader tells you then it isn't true, right?"
As for this question, I have learned that what I feel is right trumps what anybody else feels is right for me regardless of who they are, like I said, I am loyal to God, not the church. The church is only there to help me in my personal progression, but ultimately, it is between me and God, the leaders are just there to help facilitate organizational things. I am responsible for my own salvation.
As for the priesthood, no my husband doesn't perform miracles every time he prays, but I have received many priesthood blessings over the years that have brought me
peace and understanding.
As for the temple, I understand your hesitation, I know others share that hesitation with you. But the ceremonies and words have changed many times over the years and there may be some things in there that shouldn't be and eventually they'll get rectified. But I do feel the spirit and peace when I go and I have had questions answered due to my worship there. What do you think? You can email me privately if you'd like a more private conversation. Jaraagape@gmail.com
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