Life is Short

Just yesterday I learned through Facebook that the Student body president of my high school class was hit by a drunk driver when he was cycling to work.  He was hospitalized but after no brain activity in 24 hrs., they took him off life support and that was it.  He left a wife and 3 young boys.  Very very sad.  He was a great person, very personable and outgoing and just nice, more so than most people ever become, and he was that way when I knew him in high school.  It is a shock when someone you know or knew is fine one day and just gone the next at a youngish age with no advanced notice or warning like a terminal illness.  It is a reminder to live each day to its fullest and make sure your loved ones know you care.  This life is just so fragile.

NYC and Philadelphia-- Travel log

Our schooling for the week consisted of major field tripping in NYC and Philadelphia.  It is no small task to get 8 children around the big city, and we did it with few mishaps and to prove it, we are all home now and alive and tired!

Last saturday we drove down through Brooklyn and Queens to Statten Island where we took the ferry to Manhatten.  Our strategy for all of this was to have the 3 little boys wear flourescent yellow shirts,  the 3 bigger boys wore matching neon blue and white striped shirts and the girls had matching pink and purple tie dye shirts, but it didn't really matter because the oldest wore her sweatshirt over the top most the time.  My husband wore an orange shirt and the backpack with diapers, change of clothes, water and snacks and pushed the baby in the umbrella stroller, he would lead the way through the city and I brought up the rear holding the twins' hands most all the time.  That way when we got to stairs he could easily hold the baby and carry the stroller because it's fairly light.  The matching shirts made it easy to see that we had everybody and that system worked pretty well for us.

We were able to see the Statue of Liberty pretty close up from the ferry which was free although there were a lot of people.  Then we took the subway to Times Square, walked around a bit, we had some street falafel sandwiches, then we walked on over to Grand Central station and had dinner.  They had an amazing assortment of all different kinds of food and it was all good, Iwa s glad to get my salad and be able to buy fairly healthy stuff.  Then we walked over to Trump Tower and looked around because we have watched a few seasons of the Apprentice.  It was starting to get dark, but we were able to walk to the edge of Central Park and take the subway back to the ferry station.  One of the lines was closed though and we didn't realize it, so we had to do some backtracking, but we did make it.  

We headed on over to our timeshare trade hotel/condo in Pennsylvania, it was about 2 hrs. away and we couldn't find the check in office and it was late enough that they were closed and not answering the phone, that we had to get a hotel, so our cheap week, they gave us ended up not being so cheap, but I chalk it up to travel learning-- make sure of their hours and make sure you know where you are going.  The other places we've stayed with our timeshare have had 24 hr. check in, so that was not wise of me to assume in this case, but oh well.

We were unable to check in to our condo until 10 am so we missed church, but we were all pretty tired so it was ok.  The town in PA was actually pretty weird.  It was a beautiful place but the people there were just strange, really not helpful and hard to communicate with, it was just weird.  But the condo ended up being nice and big and the pool was saltwater so that was nice since it was indoor, we swam a lot. 

 On Monday we drove 2 hrs. To Philadelphia.  The tours for Independence Hall were completely booked probably because of school field trips, but we did get a tour of where the Congress met and where the the first passing off of the presidency took place.  It was actually pretty cool.  Then we walked over to the Liberty Bell and the visitor center.  I really enjoyed the film they showed.  We were not impressed with the overall presentation of it all though, security was very meticulous and the attitude of the rangers was authoritarian and a bit joking.  They didn't seem to have the same appreciation we saw displayed in Williamsburg.  That was all we really had time for, but there is a lot to see and do there, we went to Trader Joe's and got food for the week and drove past the Museums and the planetarium which looked pretty cool. We also drove along the river, I think Philly is an alright place.

Tuesday, my husband worked online, which is why we could just take off, he can work from anywhere. The girls did some of their online school and the boys slept a bunch.  My brother and his family got into town that evening and we had a good time hanging out with them.  It was really nice to be able to do that sort of thing again.  I am really glad they were able to meet us, it was a last minute thing, and it worked out pretty well.  I did a little bit of schooling with the kids on Wed. and we went swimming.  Thurs. we explored the area and got muddy in the Delaware River and played mini golf and Friday we swam a bunch and cleaned and packed.

Then on Sat. again since my husband didn't have to work, we were headed home and decided to hit the Metropolitan Mueum of Art in Central Park in NYC.  The place I looked at to park said it would charge $15 extra dollars for oversize vehicles, which we have a 15 passenger van, when we got there, the guy said his garage wouldn't fit our van.  I asked him where we could park and he directed us to a garage just down the street.  That garage could fit us, I got out to talk to them and make sure.  The manager didn't want to take us, but when I asked him where else we could go, he said they might charget riple and I said fine, we need to park somewhere, he reluctantly said OK!  I was so relieved because I think his garage was not even online and I don't know how we would find one that would take us.

We walked about a mile to the museum and through Central Park.  It was much more relaxed than the previous trip and more like what it would be if you lived there.  So it was nice for the kids to have this new perspective of NYC.  We ate bread and oranges for lunch in Central Park to save money and time and then we walked on overt to the museum.  There were tons of people outside on the steps and food vendors in front and lots of people inside, but the museum is HUGE, it really didn't matter how many people there were.  I wanted to make sure and see the Renaissance paintings so we went there first.  It was so cool!  It was really nice when saw one we recognized from our studies.  I was more excited than the kids though, but I was really glad we could take them there, because it is going to make our studies more meaningful and will give them points of reference when we study them again.  I think we will put more emphasis on art study now, especially with the access to art museums we have now.

For each of the areas of the world, they had large displays to make it feel like you were there, a cathedral type space for Europe, a pyramid type space, actually a couple, for Europe, a Roman villa, an Indin temple with an amazing ceiling, a Japanese garden, etc.  I really liked being able to walk through many cultures and periods of time of the world all in one place, I hope the kids remember and it gives them perspective now as we continue to study history.  So cool, we only lasted about 4 1/2 hours before the kids were just too tired to go on.  We really just walked through most of the museum, we skipped most the American and Modern stuff, but we saw most of what we wanted to see.  I think the kids especially liked the Anciet Egypt displays, but it was all fantastic and nobody complained til the end when their little legs were so tired.  Even the little guys were interested, there was so much to see.

On the way home I saw we would be walking past The Candle Cafe of which I have their cookbook and everything I've made from it is super good, so my family graciously stopped there with me and waited in the rain while they made us a $15 vegan quesadilla.  Then we made it to the parking garage, got our van and gave the guy a huge tip, he was only going to charge us $20, my husband gave him $40 and his response was totally worth it, he was pretty happy and told us it was no problem for us to park there.  

All in all it was a great trip, I'm so glad we could go.  

Be Assertive!

So I've had to deal with some difficult situations and stand up for myself and say "no" to some unreasonable requests that were made of me.  I have really grown a lot, and I am really happy with the way things went.  I am really proud of myself, I may go into details later, but for now I want to share a book that really helped : 7 Easy Ways to Say "no" to Difficult People found here: http://www.amazon.com/Easy-Ways-Difficult-People-Boundaries-ebook/dp/B007Q13W7O

It has 7 different scenarios you may have to deal with in people trying to get you to do something, with examples of exactly what to say in each.  The first one is to not let them rush you, take your time to think it about it and make sure you want to help with whatever.  Another one is to think outside the box and find a solution that works for both of you.  Another one was to sympathize with them by saying,"yeah, that's too bad, but I'm sure you'll figure it out."  Another thing was to let there be silence and don't over explain.  There were a lot of other great points and the book was only $3!  So I highly recommend it.  I actually ended up dealing with about 5 of the scenarios last night with one person trying to get me to change my mind, and it went exactly the way my husband and I thought it would and I wasn't angry or mean or anything.  And I think it is now clear to that person, that I have been helping and that my expectations were not unreasonable.  But it really was uncanny how by the book it went, but that will be another post, because it was fascinating.  

I also started another book on being assertive, I don't think it's nearly as good as the one I just mentioned, but the first chapter was helpful and the following personal affirmations are really good.  If everyone felt his way about themselves, we'd have a lot less craziness!  A lot of the craziness comes from fear and lack of self confidence which comes from not being willing to admit failure or defeat.  So these affirmations would probably not work if you are not willingt o truly introspect and be willingt o face some hard truths about yourself first, and turn to the Lord sincerely.

I am a strong confident communicator.

I am worthy and deserving of respect.

I easily express my thoughts, opinions and desires.

I feel safe and secure about asking for what I want or need.

I allow myself to receive from others.

It's my right to say "no" and I exercise this right when I need to.

I am important, my views are important and my life is important.

I trust and believe in myself.

I feel for other people, but it is not reason to be taken advantage of.

I am comfortable and tense and difficult social situations.

These affirmations are good, we get so many negative affirmations, I think it's important to even them out with good ones.  I have also added My body is beautiful, amazing and healthy.  I am loved.  So far it has been helping.  Prayer helps and taking care of my body, treating it with the respect it deserves-- sleep, nutrition, exercise, etc.

Don't become a Doormat

 1 Behold, it came to pass that I, Nephi, did cry much unto the Lord my God, because of the anger of my brethren.

 2 But behold, their anger did increase against me, insomuch that they did seek to take away my life.

 3 Yea, they did murmur against me, saying: Our younger brother thinks to rule over us; and we have had much trial because of him; wherefore, now let us slay him, that we may not be afflicted more because of his words. For behold, we will not have him to be our ruler; for it belongs unto us, who are the elder brethren, to rule over this people.

 4 Now I do not write upon these plates all the words which they murmured against me. But it sufficeth me to say, that they did seek to take away my life.

 5 And it came to pass that the Lord did warn me, that I, Nephi, should depart from them and flee into the wilderness, and all those who would go with me.

2 Nephi 5:1-5

I think these verses are so sad, this event happened shortly after Lehi died.  It had been such a struggle for Nephi and his older brothers lots of times previously, I'm sure it was bittersweet for Nephi to just walk away, because then there was no more hope for his brothers and they were cut off from the presence of the Lord.  It was probably a relief in some ways to think that he and his family could be on their own without worrying about what Lamn and Lemuek would do to them.  Sometimes, you can't work things out woth people, no matter how much you love them or care for them.  If they won't work with you, listen to you or try to understand you, and instead work to thwart your goals or hurt you, then sometimes fleeing is the right thing to do.  But you do have to give them a chance and maybe many chances before it becomes the right thing.  

One attitude that I really can not stand is when people act smug and think they have everything figured out.  Then they don't need to work with anybody else, they just need everybody else to fit in with their paradigm and go along with their ideas whether they are good or not regardless of who may be inconvenienced or what may be better.  It's not too bad when the person is just someone you interact with as a peer where neither of you are in charge of each other, but if you ever get into a situation with someone like that who gets to be in charge of something over you or your kids, like at school or church or other organized activities, then that is hell.  Not to the same level as Laman and Lemuel, but it is along the same lines, and if after trying to work things out, you find you are being thwarted or minimized or marginalized or hurt, then the right thing to do is to leave the organization that is hurting you or find another solution.  We should stand up for ourselves and do what is right and not become doormats.

Some thoughts on trials

Trials:  sometimes they are so rough that we can only take them piece by piece, if we knew how hard it would be or how long it would last when we were just starting, it would be overwhelming.  We often don't choose to put ourselves in uncomfortable growing situations, but when they come, we realize we must just endure and get through it as best we can.  When it is over, we find we are much stronger and more capable than before.  We think that the trial being over is the blessing, but the real blessing is the strength and capacity we gained because of the trial.  It's actually a lot like exercising.  We put our body under stress, we tear our muscles, we push ourselves and it is super hard, but our body then recovers and gets stronger, faster, toner and can do so much more than it could before the exercise.  I also just realized that the time the body really strengthens and rebuilds muscle is during the recovery period.  I think that is the same with our spirits and minds, that we really gain strength as we learn to deal with our trials and then when they are over or we are at least in a smooth patch, we can think about it, analyze it and learn from it and thus be ready for more.  Just like when I look back at my life when I just had 1 or 2 babies and how easy that would be for me now that I manage 8, but it didn't seem easy then and it was going through all that that I have grown and my priorities have changed so that I can manage what I do now.  Also I think our trials give us perspective, and make us grateful.  I know I never thought I could be grateful to be able to wash the dishes and clean the kitchen, I just thought it was a chore and a pain.  But now appreciate that I can, because I went through times where I couldn't-- when I was pregnant with twins and way to large to bend over, and then when I was too sick to do a good job or care, and then when I was too busy with needful things to be able to do it.  So it doesn't seem like a chore to me anymore.  It feels like a luxury and I am glad I can keep up now, and I love having a clean (cleaner) house.