What Really Matters

I have always loved the scriptures- the Bible, the Doctrine & Covenants and  especially the Book of Mormon.  There are nuggets of pure goodness and beauty and love in those words-- they are the teachings that drew me to the Savior and made life worth living.  I have described a bit over the past couple years what a struggle life has been for me and my family --  my husband getting laid off from his dream job working from home- making a lot of money then working for the church and commuting far away, being pregnant with twins, remodeling our house while being very pregnant with twins, having the twins, surviving after the twins, becoming isolated after the twins, having our few friends move, having our church ward go bad and being shunned, feeling it necessary to get out of that situation, beginning the process of building a new home closer to my husband's work and in a good neighborhood and ward, commuting an hour away for church and homeschool activities and vision therapy, being pregnant with #8, finally moving in after everything that could have possibly slowed it down did, getting the old house cleaned out (which took forever), getting evacuated because of a wildfire we watched come very near our new neighborhood, having a beautiful baby, being transported to Primary Children's NICU, dealing with necessary  medical tests and billi lights, finally finishing that, finally being settled in our new house, and now seeing the end of that chapter finally come to pass.

My husband will be moving to vendor status so he will no longer be a church employee-- they still want him to do work for them, but he will get paid hourly and he will be able to work from home.  We just got word of this today.  We paid a big sum of tithing last week which really was about the last of the buffer we had for our move and we were grateful to hear that my husband will be getting the hourly rate he asked for which means a raise and also means that we will be able to afford our new house since the old one will probably take awhile to sell.  Tithing is a true principle-- we have been blessed for paying that tithing.

This whole process and experience has put us to the edge of our capacity to endure.  There were some days where we just laid in bed as long as we possibly could dreading the events of that particular day.  Our faith was challenged first by our ward turning bad and then by interacting and seeing bad things happen at a higher level in our beloved church.  We were very sad and disappointed and confused.

But the bottom line is that with all its imperfections the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the Lord's church.  The Savior of the world loves me and my family.  People and leaders in the church may fail me, but He will never fail me.  He has been, is and will take care of me and my family.  He knows we have been trying hard to follow Him.  He knows we have felt alone and lost and forgotten.  He has come through-- everytime I couldn't last another day-- word would come that kept me going-- this happened at least 3 times-- the first was around Thanksgiving we found out the lot was ours-- several times people in our new ward just said hi and asked how I was doing-- the Lord sent me a couple new friends to cheer me-- my SIL would call to visit often when I felt the most down-- I was invited to join a forum with some other moms of large families online who helped me find joy and comraderie in the huge task of raising so many little ones and being pregnant again-- we finally closed on our house-- had we not closed on the day we finally did -- I was totally ready to just walk away-- a dear friend just happened to stop by and was able to counsel me in dealing with a difficult family situation when I was very down--  it was hard, but the Lord was there for me although He let me struggle and maybe let me suffer to my capacity-- He didn't let me go beyond my capacity to endure and fulfill my responsibilities in caring for my children.

I feel so grateful.  I'm especially grateful to be in control of my life again.  Instead of spending time and money on the road, I can clean my house and cook healthy meals.  I am able to learn and teach interesting things with my kids.  I have learned A LOT-- more than I wanted, but I am grateful.  I may be able to start giving back and helping others instead of just trying to survive.

So-- what really matters?

LOVE, KINDNESS, CHARITY

That's it-- just be nice-- don't put people down or make them feel worse about themselves-- be good to people.  People matter-- nothing else-- no matter how forlorn, beaten, sinful, sorry, good or bad-- they matter.  Be kind, be loving in thought, in word, in action.

the end.