Sunday, August 3, 2014
my new gratitude journal blog
I have started a new blog with lots of happy things!! I have complained my fair share and I thought it is time for a more uplifting happy/fun new blog. It's been fun, check it out -- www.appreciatethegood.wordpress.com
I'll post here sporadically as usual, nothing to complain about recently, I'm getting back to reading, I love homeschooling. We went on an awesome road trip through Canada, I'll be posting pics and details on my homeschooling blog-- www.academichomeschooling.wordpress.com
Monday, June 23, 2014
Health Update
I have been healing a ton. I hardly have any anxiety going to church at all anymore. I am at peace. Even when people say stupid things, it doesn't bother me. It's actually kind of weird. But I have set my boundaries and my priorities and I know that I will not give in to what others tell me I should do unless I feel it is the right thing for me to do. I am totally fine saying no, but it has been nice to not have to say no much here because the people have been so good. My kids are all doing well and are making friends. I am making friends. So we are in a much healthier environment full of support and love and it has made a huge impact on my health. I feel tons better. I have even started running again and my belly fat is going down. I adjusted the self talk I was doing and adjusted my attitude towards my body also. Anytime I thought about how ugly I am or how this stubborn fat is just hanging there, I would say to my self: I am beautiful, I am healthy, I am loved. When we were on one of our trips I noticed a woman jogger who was obviously fit but had a bit of skin hanging out of her tank top in back at the top, and I remembered how when I was a teen and on the cross country team how I still would find some fat to make my body imperfect and I thought to myself, where does this end? There will always be some imperfection in my body as there are in all mortal bodies unless you are a movie star or Olympic athlete and workout 8 hrs/day. So I started that self talk of loving my body and thanking my body for the many good things it does for me all the time even the belly fat that supported 7 pregnancies including twins and made it possible for me to have my 8 children. My body is healthy, it is good enough and I love it truly. I feel tons better. I still eat tons of salad and a green smoothie everyday. I am also slowly adding more regular foods to my diet and paying attention to how they affect me. It is a much healthier way of living and eating.
Arrogance and Pride
I have been reading and understanding the scriptures with new eye and a fresh perspective recently. It has been really nice and I am learning a lot. One thing that has become apparent to me is how much the Lord really doesn't like arrogance and pride. It is mentioned in the scriptures often, sometimes every line or verse of a whole section. Here are some scriptures from 2 Nephi 26.
20 And the Gentiles are lifted up in the pride of their eyes, and have stumbled, because of the greatness of their stumbling block, that they have built up many churches; nevertheless, they put down the power and miracles of God, and preach up unto themselves their own wisdom and their own learning, that they may get gain and grind upon the face of the poor.
29 He commandeth that there shall be no priestcrafts; for, behold, priestcrafts are that men preach and set themselves up for a light unto the world, that they may get gain and praise of the world; but they seek not the welfare of Zion.
Here's a whole section in one of the Isaiah chapters 2 Ne. 12:
11 And it shall come to pass that the lofty looks of man shall be humbled, and the haughtiness of men shall be bowed down, and the Lord alone shall be exalted in that day.
12 For the day of the Lord of Hosts soon cometh upon all nations, yea, upon every one; yea, upon the proud and lofty, and upon every one who is lifted up, and he shall be brought low.
13 Yea, and the day of the Lord shall come upon all the cedars of Lebanon, for they are high and lifted up; and upon all the oaks of Bashan;
14 And upon all the high mountains, and upon all the hills, and upon all the nations which are lifted up, and upon every people;
15 And upon every high tower, and upon every fenced wall;
16 And upon all the ships of the sea, and upon all the ships of Tarshish, and upon all pleasant pictures.
17 And the loftiness of man shall be bowed down, and the haughtiness of men shall be made low; and the Lord alone shall be exalted in that day.
18 And the idols he shall utterly abolish.
There are certainly a lot more, and it has been interesting to notice those verses. It is also validating to me in my dealings with people who have been "over" me at church, because I really don't take issue with them until they try to make me do something I don't feel comfortable with and then try to make me feel bad about having an issue and becoming frustrated with me for not just going along like a good little peasant in the kingdom. It helps me see that I was right to stand up for myself and I was right to say no. I also recognize how awful it feels to be treated that way and I understand why the Lord hates it so much. I also don't ever want to make anyone else feel that way, so I have to keep my own pride in check especially with those who have had ill will towards me. I must forgive them and love them anyway, but I do not have to do what they say. Anyway, it is a tough balance. But the Lord helps and teaches and supports when we are humble and open to finding His will through the scriptures and through prayer. Every situation and person is different and only He knows what is best for each of us. May we continue to seek His will for us.
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Growing Pains in the Church
The recent news that Kate Kelly of Ordain Women, John Dehlin of Mormon stories and Rock Waterman of the blog Pure Mormonism are being excommunicated for apostacy is really sad to me. I don't agree with them on everything, I haven't read all their stuff or even listened to any podcasts, but it seems to me that they are trying to find their way within Mormonism. If there is anything I have learned over my life, growing up in Mexico, spending time in Europe and even traveling to Asia and living in the "promised land" (Utah) and in California and Texas and now on the East coast, it is that people are people. We are each individuals with individual needs and experiences with varying talents gifts and understandings. There is room in the gospel for everyone on their varying journeys performing their varying life missions and responsibilities. Jesus loves us all, he wants us to be happy. He does not turn people away bcause they are different, they have a different way of seeing things, or they express their opinions. He listens, He is there. He justs waits patiently with love and long-suffering. He answers our prayers even when we are in trouble due to our own poor choices. We should try to do the same. 2 Nephi 26:
24 He doeth not anything save it be for the benefit of the world; for he loveth the world, even that he layeth down his own life that he may draw all men unto him. Wherefore, he commandeth none that they shall not partake of his salvation.
25 Behold, doth he cry unto any, saying: Depart from me? Behold, I say unto you, Nay; but he saith: Come unto me all ye ends of the earth, buy milk and honey, without money and without price.
26 Behold, hath he commanded any that they should depart out of the synagogues, or out of the houses of worship? Behold, I say unto you, Nay.
27 Hath he commanded any that they should not partake of his salvation? Behold I say unto you, Nay; but he hath given it free for all men; and he hath commanded his people that they should persuade all men to repentance.
28 Behold, hath the Lord commanded any that they should not partake of his goodness? Behold I say unto you, Nay; but all men are privileged the one like unto the other, and none are forbidden.
Now I understand the case with Kate Kelly is a bit different from the other two because she seems to be rallying for a cause, but I think our leaders should at least sit down with her and listen to her and let her know of their sincere love and concern and try to work something out. Also, if the answer is "no, the Lord has directly directed that women are not to participate in church government the way men do", then they need to listen to the grievances and come up with a way for these women members to feel safe and important for real at church. I think it could be done. But it would take some dialogue, some praying and pondering and probably some humility. Just cutting someone out like that is just going to make her followers feel more unwelcome and unaccepted at church and the conversation is just going to keep going.
The other bad side effect of all this is all the news coverage all over the place. People who might otherwise accept the Book of Mormon and learn of Christ through our church will not even consider it, because "what a weird church" - kicking out members for supporting women and gay people, and especially that ad campaign that tries to show otherwise.
I think the underlying problem in all of this is authoritarianism. It is just human as described in D&C 121:
39 We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose, they will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion.
I don't think "all men" excludes high up leaders in the church.
We have been studying US history and the constitution and I would say that overall, the constitution has had quite a positive impact on the world. At least part of the reason the Constitution has been so good is that it built in a series of checks and balances to protect the everyday people from overreaching governmental bodies. It also built in a way for the people being ruled to switch out their rulers and for the rulers to answer to the people. Maybe something of that sort would work in the church? Bring back common consent? Honestly I think that this will all work itself out for the better. I think the conversations and dialogue need to happen. There are people in the church who are hurting. We need them, they need us, we all need each other. We need to not tell people they should just leave if they don't like it. Many of them have testimonies and they want to stay, they want church to be a safe place for everyone. It may be painful, but I think things will end up being much much better. There is a lot of good in the church, we just need to keep that up and become even better. And kudos to these brave souls willing to bring the subject ou into the open and giving the rest of us a chancet o consider other options and ideas.
Saturday, May 31, 2014
Life is Short
Just yesterday I learned through Facebook that the Student body president of my high school class was hit by a drunk driver when he was cycling to work. He was hospitalized but after no brain activity in 24 hrs., they took him off life support and that was it. He left a wife and 3 young boys. Very very sad. He was a great person, very personable and outgoing and just nice, more so than most people ever become, and he was that way when I knew him in high school. It is a shock when someone you know or knew is fine one day and just gone the next at a youngish age with no advanced notice or warning like a terminal illness. It is a reminder to live each day to its fullest and make sure your loved ones know you care. This life is just so fragile.
Sunday, May 25, 2014
NYC and Philadelphia-- Travel log
Our schooling for the week consisted of major field tripping in NYC and Philadelphia. It is no small task to get 8 children around the big city, and we did it with few mishaps and to prove it, we are all home now and alive and tired!
Last saturday we drove down through Brooklyn and Queens to Statten Island where we took the ferry to Manhatten. Our strategy for all of this was to have the 3 little boys wear flourescent yellow shirts, the 3 bigger boys wore matching neon blue and white striped shirts and the girls had matching pink and purple tie dye shirts, but it didn't really matter because the oldest wore her sweatshirt over the top most the time. My husband wore an orange shirt and the backpack with diapers, change of clothes, water and snacks and pushed the baby in the umbrella stroller, he would lead the way through the city and I brought up the rear holding the twins' hands most all the time. That way when we got to stairs he could easily hold the baby and carry the stroller because it's fairly light. The matching shirts made it easy to see that we had everybody and that system worked pretty well for us.
We were able to see the Statue of Liberty pretty close up from the ferry which was free although there were a lot of people. Then we took the subway to Times Square, walked around a bit, we had some street falafel sandwiches, then we walked on over to Grand Central station and had dinner. They had an amazing assortment of all different kinds of food and it was all good, Iwa s glad to get my salad and be able to buy fairly healthy stuff. Then we walked over to Trump Tower and looked around because we have watched a few seasons of the Apprentice. It was starting to get dark, but we were able to walk to the edge of Central Park and take the subway back to the ferry station. One of the lines was closed though and we didn't realize it, so we had to do some backtracking, but we did make it.
We headed on over to our timeshare trade hotel/condo in Pennsylvania, it was about 2 hrs. away and we couldn't find the check in office and it was late enough that they were closed and not answering the phone, that we had to get a hotel, so our cheap week, they gave us ended up not being so cheap, but I chalk it up to travel learning-- make sure of their hours and make sure you know where you are going. The other places we've stayed with our timeshare have had 24 hr. check in, so that was not wise of me to assume in this case, but oh well.
We were unable to check in to our condo until 10 am so we missed church, but we were all pretty tired so it was ok. The town in PA was actually pretty weird. It was a beautiful place but the people there were just strange, really not helpful and hard to communicate with, it was just weird. But the condo ended up being nice and big and the pool was saltwater so that was nice since it was indoor, we swam a lot.
On Monday we drove 2 hrs. To Philadelphia. The tours for Independence Hall were completely booked probably because of school field trips, but we did get a tour of where the Congress met and where the the first passing off of the presidency took place. It was actually pretty cool. Then we walked over to the Liberty Bell and the visitor center. I really enjoyed the film they showed. We were not impressed with the overall presentation of it all though, security was very meticulous and the attitude of the rangers was authoritarian and a bit joking. They didn't seem to have the same appreciation we saw displayed in Williamsburg. That was all we really had time for, but there is a lot to see and do there, we went to Trader Joe's and got food for the week and drove past the Museums and the planetarium which looked pretty cool. We also drove along the river, I think Philly is an alright place.
Tuesday, my husband worked online, which is why we could just take off, he can work from anywhere. The girls did some of their online school and the boys slept a bunch. My brother and his family got into town that evening and we had a good time hanging out with them. It was really nice to be able to do that sort of thing again. I am really glad they were able to meet us, it was a last minute thing, and it worked out pretty well. I did a little bit of schooling with the kids on Wed. and we went swimming. Thurs. we explored the area and got muddy in the Delaware River and played mini golf and Friday we swam a bunch and cleaned and packed.
Then on Sat. again since my husband didn't have to work, we were headed home and decided to hit the Metropolitan Mueum of Art in Central Park in NYC. The place I looked at to park said it would charge $15 extra dollars for oversize vehicles, which we have a 15 passenger van, when we got there, the guy said his garage wouldn't fit our van. I asked him where we could park and he directed us to a garage just down the street. That garage could fit us, I got out to talk to them and make sure. The manager didn't want to take us, but when I asked him where else we could go, he said they might charget riple and I said fine, we need to park somewhere, he reluctantly said OK! I was so relieved because I think his garage was not even online and I don't know how we would find one that would take us.
We walked about a mile to the museum and through Central Park. It was much more relaxed than the previous trip and more like what it would be if you lived there. So it was nice for the kids to have this new perspective of NYC. We ate bread and oranges for lunch in Central Park to save money and time and then we walked on overt to the museum. There were tons of people outside on the steps and food vendors in front and lots of people inside, but the museum is HUGE, it really didn't matter how many people there were. I wanted to make sure and see the Renaissance paintings so we went there first. It was so cool! It was really nice when saw one we recognized from our studies. I was more excited than the kids though, but I was really glad we could take them there, because it is going to make our studies more meaningful and will give them points of reference when we study them again. I think we will put more emphasis on art study now, especially with the access to art museums we have now.
For each of the areas of the world, they had large displays to make it feel like you were there, a cathedral type space for Europe, a pyramid type space, actually a couple, for Europe, a Roman villa, an Indin temple with an amazing ceiling, a Japanese garden, etc. I really liked being able to walk through many cultures and periods of time of the world all in one place, I hope the kids remember and it gives them perspective now as we continue to study history. So cool, we only lasted about 4 1/2 hours before the kids were just too tired to go on. We really just walked through most of the museum, we skipped most the American and Modern stuff, but we saw most of what we wanted to see. I think the kids especially liked the Anciet Egypt displays, but it was all fantastic and nobody complained til the end when their little legs were so tired. Even the little guys were interested, there was so much to see.
On the way home I saw we would be walking past The Candle Cafe of which I have their cookbook and everything I've made from it is super good, so my family graciously stopped there with me and waited in the rain while they made us a $15 vegan quesadilla. Then we made it to the parking garage, got our van and gave the guy a huge tip, he was only going to charge us $20, my husband gave him $40 and his response was totally worth it, he was pretty happy and told us it was no problem for us to park there.
All in all it was a great trip, I'm so glad we could go.
Friday, May 9, 2014
Be Assertive!
So I've had to deal with some difficult situations and stand up for myself and say "no" to some unreasonable requests that were made of me. I have really grown a lot, and I am really happy with the way things went. I am really proud of myself, I may go into details later, but for now I want to share a book that really helped : 7 Easy Ways to Say "no" to Difficult People found here: http://www.amazon.com/Easy-Ways-Difficult-People-Boundaries-ebook/dp/B007Q13W7O
It has 7 different scenarios you may have to deal with in people trying to get you to do something, with examples of exactly what to say in each. The first one is to not let them rush you, take your time to think it about it and make sure you want to help with whatever. Another one is to think outside the box and find a solution that works for both of you. Another one was to sympathize with them by saying,"yeah, that's too bad, but I'm sure you'll figure it out." Another thing was to let there be silence and don't over explain. There were a lot of other great points and the book was only $3! So I highly recommend it. I actually ended up dealing with about 5 of the scenarios last night with one person trying to get me to change my mind, and it went exactly the way my husband and I thought it would and I wasn't angry or mean or anything. And I think it is now clear to that person, that I have been helping and that my expectations were not unreasonable. But it really was uncanny how by the book it went, but that will be another post, because it was fascinating.
I also started another book on being assertive, I don't think it's nearly as good as the one I just mentioned, but the first chapter was helpful and the following personal affirmations are really good. If everyone felt his way about themselves, we'd have a lot less craziness! A lot of the craziness comes from fear and lack of self confidence which comes from not being willing to admit failure or defeat. So these affirmations would probably not work if you are not willingt o truly introspect and be willingt o face some hard truths about yourself first, and turn to the Lord sincerely.
I am a strong confident communicator.
I am worthy and deserving of respect.
I easily express my thoughts, opinions and desires.
I feel safe and secure about asking for what I want or need.
I allow myself to receive from others.
It's my right to say "no" and I exercise this right when I need to.
I am important, my views are important and my life is important.
I trust and believe in myself.
I feel for other people, but it is not reason to be taken advantage of.
I am comfortable and tense and difficult social situations.
These affirmations are good, we get so many negative affirmations, I think it's important to even them out with good ones. I have also added My body is beautiful, amazing and healthy. I am loved. So far it has been helping. Prayer helps and taking care of my body, treating it with the respect it deserves-- sleep, nutrition, exercise, etc.
Sunday, May 4, 2014
Don't become a Doormat
1 Behold, it came to pass that I, Nephi, did cry much unto the Lord my God, because of the anger of my brethren.
2 But behold, their anger did increase against me, insomuch that they did seek to take away my life.
3 Yea, they did murmur against me, saying: Our younger brother thinks to rule over us; and we have had much trial because of him; wherefore, now let us slay him, that we may not be afflicted more because of his words. For behold, we will not have him to be our ruler; for it belongs unto us, who are the elder brethren, to rule over this people.
4 Now I do not write upon these plates all the words which they murmured against me. But it sufficeth me to say, that they did seek to take away my life.
5 And it came to pass that the Lord did warn me, that I, Nephi, should depart from them and flee into the wilderness, and all those who would go with me.
2 Nephi 5:1-5
I think these verses are so sad, this event happened shortly after Lehi died. It had been such a struggle for Nephi and his older brothers lots of times previously, I'm sure it was bittersweet for Nephi to just walk away, because then there was no more hope for his brothers and they were cut off from the presence of the Lord. It was probably a relief in some ways to think that he and his family could be on their own without worrying about what Lamn and Lemuek would do to them. Sometimes, you can't work things out woth people, no matter how much you love them or care for them. If they won't work with you, listen to you or try to understand you, and instead work to thwart your goals or hurt you, then sometimes fleeing is the right thing to do. But you do have to give them a chance and maybe many chances before it becomes the right thing.
One attitude that I really can not stand is when people act smug and think they have everything figured out. Then they don't need to work with anybody else, they just need everybody else to fit in with their paradigm and go along with their ideas whether they are good or not regardless of who may be inconvenienced or what may be better. It's not too bad when the person is just someone you interact with as a peer where neither of you are in charge of each other, but if you ever get into a situation with someone like that who gets to be in charge of something over you or your kids, like at school or church or other organized activities, then that is hell. Not to the same level as Laman and Lemuel, but it is along the same lines, and if after trying to work things out, you find you are being thwarted or minimized or marginalized or hurt, then the right thing to do is to leave the organization that is hurting you or find another solution. We should stand up for ourselves and do what is right and not become doormats.
Some thoughts on trials
Trials: sometimes they are so rough that we can only take them piece by piece, if we knew how hard it would be or how long it would last when we were just starting, it would be overwhelming. We often don't choose to put ourselves in uncomfortable growing situations, but when they come, we realize we must just endure and get through it as best we can. When it is over, we find we are much stronger and more capable than before. We think that the trial being over is the blessing, but the real blessing is the strength and capacity we gained because of the trial. It's actually a lot like exercising. We put our body under stress, we tear our muscles, we push ourselves and it is super hard, but our body then recovers and gets stronger, faster, toner and can do so much more than it could before the exercise. I also just realized that the time the body really strengthens and rebuilds muscle is during the recovery period. I think that is the same with our spirits and minds, that we really gain strength as we learn to deal with our trials and then when they are over or we are at least in a smooth patch, we can think about it, analyze it and learn from it and thus be ready for more. Just like when I look back at my life when I just had 1 or 2 babies and how easy that would be for me now that I manage 8, but it didn't seem easy then and it was going through all that that I have grown and my priorities have changed so that I can manage what I do now. Also I think our trials give us perspective, and make us grateful. I know I never thought I could be grateful to be able to wash the dishes and clean the kitchen, I just thought it was a chore and a pain. But now appreciate that I can, because I went through times where I couldn't-- when I was pregnant with twins and way to large to bend over, and then when I was too sick to do a good job or care, and then when I was too busy with needful things to be able to do it. So it doesn't seem like a chore to me anymore. It feels like a luxury and I am glad I can keep up now, and I love having a clean (cleaner) house.
Monday, April 21, 2014
Excellent blog post
A few weeks ago I read this blog post and I really, really liked it. http://puremormonism.blogspot.com/2014/03/the-actual-message-of-book-of-mormon.html
Since then I have been reading one of the books he referenced and more of his posts and other blogs referenced. I feel like things are starting to make a lot more sense. I am studying the scriptures much better and learning and understanding things better. I absolutely love the gospel. I just read another of his posts about how the word church is used differently in different contexts.
Anyway, I feel like I have my religion back, and that I can be a Mormon and believe what I feel is best and follow the Book of Mormon literally and not do every program and activity "encouraged" by the corporate church and still be right with God. I don't have to leave the church or feel uncomfortable there. I can feel the Spirit and take the good and ignore the bad and not participate when I don't feel good about it. I can follow the Holy Ghost in my life even when it seems to go against "the corporate church" or my leaders. The Lord knows what is best for me and He will guide me. I don't have to go throughh anybody else, I can ask and seek for answers from God and He has, does and will continue to answer me. I am truly grateful.
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
Belly fat
I am really tired of being fat! It would be ok if I never exercised and ate junk all the time, but I don't! I have been super careful what I eat, I have done cleanses, and I exercise regularly, plus most of my fat is in my belly! It wouldn't be so bad to be fat if it was in my hips or my bust, but that is not what my body has been doing. My sense is that my body is recovering from the stress of birthing 8 children including twins and my life is highly stressful with caring for all of them and taking on a lot of extra stuff like healthy eating and homeschooling. I found this article and at least for me, this may be what I need, R & R workouts, more sleep and destress time. And I am grateful that I have been feeling really quite good even though I have a bunch of belly fat. I have been leaning this way, with yoga and meditation, but this article does a good job of explaining what is going on, I'm gonna try it out!
http://www.metaboliceffect.com/female-belly-fat/
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Healing and Growing
A friend of mine who had been in the process of moving and selling her house had told me how she had reached the end of her rope and asked the Lord if He would just grant her 3 specific things she asked for in regards to getting her house ready to put on the market and such, and she said, those 3 things happened almost immediately and she was so grateful and wondered if that was all she had to do was ask, but it increased her faith and it increased mine.
So anyway, as I prayed, I told the Lord that I needed to be healed from this and the past and exactly how it felt and what it was. Right after my prayer, I remembered how painful my parents' divorce had been and how angry I was and how sad I became, but how I wasn't sad or angry anymore, that I had healed from that, that I had accepted the situation as an experience and there were no longer those intense emotions associated with it anymore. I have even learned from it and I am a better person because of it, much more compassionate and empathetic. And I truly love my parents and appreciate their sacrifices and love for me, which I am only beginning to understand now that I have teens of my own. So anyway, I felt that all was not lost that I was so broken, but that I would heal from the wounds I carried then. Amazingly, it only took about 4 days after that, and I really felt healed from the pain I still carried from our previous ward, it doesn't anger me ao much any more as well as this more recent incident.
I also thought about our sweet little dog and her unconditional love for me even though I reprimanded her a lot and was exasperated and unkind to her at times, she still loved me and I wanted to have that same kind of love even for this new crazy lady in my life. Of course, I will not put myself or my children in a position to be harmed by her or someone else like her, but I'm no longer powerless or angry, and that was a huge blessing.
So anyway, I'm learning a lot despite myself, because that's pretty much what life is-- learning. Then I ran across this scripture in 2 Nephi 28:30
30 For behold, thus saith the Lord God: I will give unto the children of men line upon line, aprecept upon precept, here a little and there a little; and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, and lend an ear unto my counsel, for they shall learn bwisdom; for unto him that creceiveth I will givedmore; and from them that shall say, We have enough, from them shall be taken away even that which they have.
So here's to learning and more growth! (Even though it's hard, this scripture encourages me to keep growing and learning and doing, no quitting)
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Things I'm grateful for
I'm grateful to be a mother. I especially love having my own sweet little baby. I love it when they curl up in my arms and put their head on my chest or shoulder and just lie there. I could just hold them forever. From my first down to my last baby, I have tried to hold and cuddle them as much as they would let me, because I knew it would not last forever. A bunch of them are well past that phase, I can hardly believe how big they all are, but I still give them hugs and thank them when they give me a hug. It is so sweet to have those hugs and I always thank them and I always marvel at how willing they are to give them. I am grateful for that. I am also grateful that I was able to keep the kitchen pretty well cleaned this week. That was nice. I'm so glad to be able to do regular everyday things. I am grateful for my body, and I will continue to take good care of it. I have started to practice meditation and some mind body bridging techniques I learned from a friend, it has helped my anxiety and stress a ton along with exercising which I have just always loved to do and am so grateful that I can do it. I'm grateful for my dear husband, he loves me a lot and accepts me how I am and he works so hard for us, and he has made me very happy and I love being with him and spending time with him. I always wanted a good righteous happy family, where peace reigned, and I have it and I am very grateful. It is probably my most prized possession. Of course, not everything is perfect, but I am learning to appreciate the moment and to be more grateful and be fine living in uncertainty and be fine with not knowing the outcomes of everything. I'm grateful for that too.
Thursday, March 13, 2014
I am Grateful!
I am so full of GRATITUDE!!! Every time I deal with anything that has to do with church these days, I feel good and happy! There are so many quality good people I have met and we've only been here 2 months today!! Everyone is so friendly and nice. I misjudged a few of them because I thought they may act like what I was used to previously, but they have pretty much all proved me wrong. And they have given me space and patience. I like them all, quarks, uniqueness, everything! These are a different kind of people. My girls went with the youth tonight to do baptisms for the dead, they came home happy. When I took them to drop them off, I was welcomed and people talked to me and I was even asked why I wasn't coming since it was my daughter's first time. I told them that it wasn't allowed in my previous ward and they just told me that in this ward, you just volunteer and go whenever you want. I told some of the girls' it was my younger daughter's first time and they all said they would take care of her and show her the way, and they did.
The YW president made sure she had my phone # if they should need it, and she apologized for not getting back to me on an email I sent. The interaction was kind, caring and positive. I told her it was fine she didn't get back to me, we worked it out. The Relief Society president was there with her son and introduced me to her husband and we talked about him being a twin and me having twins. There is such a nice spirit among the people of cooperation, caring, love and acceptance. Wow! I'm pretty much in awe of them. I hope I can be like them. This is a different church than what I experienced in Utah. What we went through before this is totally foreign to them, some of the things I have mentioned that are different here, they just look at me weird and then shake it off and say, well, it's not like that here! I'm so glad.
The other thing that is a nice switch is that these people care about my kids and they want the same things for them that I do. We actually have the same values! And when they offer to help, they actually follow through and do help. My oldest has been invited to accompany the ward choir and another lady who teaches piano talked to the school for me to see if they could use an accompanist there! They also have the youth take turns playing the orgn in sacrament meeting. There are a ton of other nice good things they do. It is such a healthy environment and such a good way to be. And very relieving as a parent especially of so many. I'm so grateful that my kids now have a number of good role models to follow.
It is also validating to find that I wasn't the crazy one! It is reasonable for the YW organization to communicate with parents, email a calendar to both girls and parents and keep parents in the loop, and talk to parents. It is such a relief! This church is really, really good. This is the church I would be willing to send my kids out as missionaries for, this is the church I may be willing to bring new friends to, this is really how the gospel was meant to be lived. When it's good, it's really good. I have always loved the doctrine, and when the people live the doctrine and abide by the teachings, it is wonderful! I am so grateful, pretty much all the people I've met since being here have been awesome, non church people included! Even in the stores, people are just doing their thing. When we first got here and had a lot of things to buy, I could just feel this absence of constant judgement that I had grown accustomed to in Utah. These people are not all that concerned with anything I do, they are friendly and polite, but I don't feel judged constantly like I did in Utah, and I didn't even realize I felt that way there until I came here and experienced this. I feel very, very lucky. I don't want to ever take having lots of good quality people around me for granted. I have so much to learn from these people. Every interaction I have fills me with more hope and gratitude. Maybe I'll even get to the point someday of being able to serve them some instead of just taking in all their kindness and love.
I also don't want or mean to knock Utah too much. I have dear friends and family still there, it is still my heritage and my home all the way to my dear Mormon pioneer ancestors who gave up so much. It is also full of really good people who have learned to cope fine and even love being there with the beautiful mountains and scenic views, and they are seemingly unaffected or just have a completely different experience than what I had. And maybe even have in their ward there in Utah, what I have in my new ward here in the East. It just wasn't where I was supposed to be. And now that I'm here, it's clear I needed to be here. And I am grateful!
I am GRATEFUL!
Sunday, March 9, 2014
Love Heals
The past little bit I have gotten to continue my listening of The Science of Natural Healing taught by Mimi Guarneri, M.D. through the Teaching Company. I have been learning so much! She has explained the effects of stress on the body. Did you know that they have done studies and found that people under stress actually heal more slowly? She also explains the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system and how to reset them by breathing, meditation and other ways. She also talks about the effect of relationships and how much better people do when they feel loved and accepted. I really like her approach of taking people where they are and helping them there, not condemning them, but really helping them and looking at her work as a service. She talks about breathing, feeling love and joy, letting go of anger, accepting and forgiving people, energy, yoga, meditation, mantras, prayer, spirituality, relationships, support and love. I have learned so much so far and a lot of things are making more sense to me. My health journey is making a lot more sense, and I'm gaining a greater understanding and balance I feel. Love really does heal, and this quote she quoted especially stuck out to me:
The I in illness is isolation, and the crucial letters in wellness are we.
So again, love really matters, love really makes a difference. It is that love that will change the world.
Now I understand better what Moroni was saying and Paul for that matter:
1 Corinthians 13:4-13
New International Version (NIV)
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Moroni 7:45
45 And acharity suffereth long, and is bkind, and cenvieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily dprovoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Taking Off My Armor and Healing
I can hardly describe the relief I have felt since moving here to New Hampshire from Utah. We have been here 6 weeks now. Our Utah ward got really crazy, even crazier than our previous crazy Utah ward that we moved from and had a wonderful reprieve til the ward split in our backyard. Every week and often 2-3 times per week after church and after any interaction with church people, I would have to evaluate people's actions and mentally work through my emotions so that I could live my own life and not be completely reactive. But just given my situation with lots of little people to care for and teens to watch out for, I was living a very reactive life full of stress. We sent our older kids to school instead of homeschooling them, I questioned my parenting choices along the way, was I really the one with the problem, because this was the second time going through this and everybody else seemed to accept their place. But as I worked through scenarios, talked to people, made other people mad at me and tried to find answers, I concluded that even if I was wrong or the crazy one, so be it, I did not want to be like these so-called leaders I was under nor did I want my children to grow up to be like them either. If this is heaven, then I'll go dwell in hell with the sinners.
Being in the situation I was in was sort of like being tortured drop by drop. At first I could let it roll off my back, then I could withstand it and keep going. I learned coping mechanisms, made sure I had positive interactions, learned which types of people I could trust and which I could not, but over time my reservoir emptied. That's when I started having health issues, and started to limit interaction at all because I realized it was actually physically damaging. That helped a lot, and our last month in Utah, December, we only went to our ward once, we went to other wards for various things and it was so nice!! It was healing and relieving. It softened us enough to call our new ward and let them know we were coming.
The bishop was super nice, I didn't detect any of the usual self aggrandizement or judging, trying to see if I would play the game types of things talking to him. It was just a nice normal conversation, and he seemed genuinely interested and not over bearing at all. He was happy to have people come help us move in. We weren't ready for that at the time and we didn't ask for help. But the primary president and sister missionaries came over to meet us one night, and the bishop stopped by another night and a couple other people called and they all wanted to help, so we let them. And they were all super nice and really good and really helpful.
The first Sunday was stake conference, and that was good, I heard the gospel I love there, it even brought tears to my eyes that maybe I would fit in here, it felt like coming home. But I did not want to talk to anybody, so it was nice to have a slow intro like that. The YW organization is super good here too. It is actually quite large, larger than what we had in Utah and the leaders are mature, a lot of them have kids on missions and out of the house and married. They actually wanted to talk to me and get to know me a little bit. I started to realize that these people are not like the Utah people I had grown accostumed to, I found that I didn't know how to act around nice normal people anymore. I had learned how to cope in Utah, just hang back, don't draw any attention to myself, avoid problematic people, and have shallow meaningless conversations when it was unavoidable.
It was very different and yet very familiar, it felt very much how I thought it was before I found out the hard way that it wasn't the way I had hoped it was, sorry if that doesn't make sense. Anyway, it felt like these people were genuine and real and caring. There was no self aggrandizement or judging. There are still little quirks, but they are not damaging and mean and judgmental. All my kids go to their classes without complaint, I think we all even look forward to church now. Sunday school is fine, and there is nothing weird in Relief Society, in fact the teachers seldom have any visual aids, we just discuss things, and the discussions are good, there's nothing said that makes me cringe and I can tell people just want the best for each other. When church is over, I feel a little weird because I feel lighter and I didn't have to protect anybody or react to anybody. I am relaxed, I am able to talk to people. One of my visiting teachers in particular has been really nice to talk to because she understands what I am going through, she recently moved here from Utah too, and we have very similar observations about the culture there. It has been healing to find someone who doesn't think I'm crazy or overreacting or just so angry and even understands and has lived it. It has been so nice to have understanding and goodness.
My husband just got back from going on a winter camp with our 11 yr old scout. The whole Young Men's is the scout troop and then the quorums are each a patrol unlike the way it is done elsewhere in the church where the quorums are each their own troop and they are separate. It was amazing. The older boys were really good to the younger ones and the younger boys could observe and learn from the older ones. There were a couple boys with emotional issues or autism, but they were all accepted and treated well. And the leaders were all good too. Not only have we gotten out of a bad situation, we have found ourselves in an extraordinary situation that is exceptional. I cannot express my gratitude enough. To have people who want the same things for my children that I do, to have people who want to see my family succeed and be happy and are happy for us and are accepting of us and not threatened by us. These feelings are so foreign to me.
It is kind of like after you go skiing or roller skating for a long time and then take the boots or skates off and start walking around without them. Your legs feel wobbly and it takes some time to walk straight and for it to feel normal again. That's kind of how it feels for me now. Another analogy I though of is how it must feel when a person removes some heavy armor they had to wear to stay protected and how much lighter they feel and relieved they don't have to carry it around anymore.
That's how I have felt after church and after being around people, a little disoriented, these people aren't afraid of me, I don't threaten their self identity. They are comfortable with who they are and they are even willing to give me time to orient myself. They are not offended at my defensive mechanisms of holding back a bit, asking questions or anything else. I'm not ready to go at it full force, but I'm sure I will be at some point. And I'm grateful that my children are in such a healthy loving environment now. It is one thing to not be in a bad environment, it is another to be in a good environment.
That's where we are now and I am healing and so is my family and I am super grateful.
Friday, February 28, 2014
Thoughts on Utah Mormon culture because of this article
http://www.mormonwomen.com/2014/02/27/people-like-us-do-things-like-that/
I really enjoyed reading about this woman's story and how she was encouraged to never leave Utah, but did and has found purpose and joy in life, and she's an active member of the LDS church now. It's OK to be different, the gospel works for a lot of people and cultures and circumstances. Recognizing that will be the first step for Utah Mormon culture to overcome some of its really damaging aspects. There is too much judging, and not enough empathy and compassion. They will accept the druggie or convert as they are coming back to the fold, but as the person progresses, they don't want to see them as a peer and definitely not better than them. They are accepting as long as you know your place in the culture and stay there. These are of course generalizations, but her examples of being excluded, being told as a single mother to stay away from someone's husband, etc. are examples of some of the cultural biases that need to go. Those types of biases and judgments are way more damaging than people realize. The worst of it is that the ones carrying them don't even realize it and have no idea why the other person is offended, and then they'll tell everyone how we just need to be nice and use kind words. It goes deeper than than the words we use, we need to truly care about people and see them all as peers, not a "potential convert" or "someone I can help" or as a duty or obligation to be nice, but to genuinely see them as potential friends and equals regardless of our different personalities or backgrounds. That I think is the worst part of Utah Mormon culture-- the judging against each other and people putting themselves above others. It looks like she has been able to recover from it and even settle in Utah, it sounds like she is doing a lot of good there now, kudos to her. It is an uphill battle, but maybe as more people see it and recognize it, many more can freed from it.
Monday, February 10, 2014
The talk I gave in sacrament meeting on Sunday
I get so nervous speaking because I can probably count the times I've spoken in sacrament meeting on 2 hands, I used to be able to wing it when I was in college, but ever since I gave a 5 min. talk giving my husband 30 min. to speak, I write it all out ahead of time and just read it. It was really hard to make a talk out of another talk, so I just used the title as my topic. This time I took 25 min. and my husband only had about 8 min., I tried to use it as more of a guide as I spoke, but what I wrote sounded a lot better than the words that came out as I spoke. I was glad for the opportunity to prepare something to share. I much prefer teaching though, And I'm glad to be done with that for a long while!
My topic is the conference talk:
Home the school of Life by Elder Falabella
So first off what is a successful life?
39 For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man. Moses 1:39
7 And, if you keep my commandments and endure to the end you shall have eternal life, which gift is the greatest of all the gifts of God. D&C 14:7
So from those scriptures we learn that gaining eternal life is the Lord's work and greatest gift, and gaining eternal life I think means that you had a successful life.
So OK, how can we gain eternal life?
2 Ne 31:20. Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.
So to have eternal life we must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ which I think means to learn of Him, be baptized and keep his commandments, having hope means that we have faith that by doing so we will gain eternal life, and then we have to love god and all men. It was a great reminder to me, looking up scriptures and remembering verses, just how important that true genuine love is. It's more than just saying The words, it only counts if you truly and genuinely feel that love towards others, and you can tell when someone really cares and when they are just being nice for their own gain, although that's. Enter than being mean and if they keep it up, and they really want to feel that love, over time, they will. We really do end up loving those we serve. Parents are a perfect example of this, as a child I didn't understand it, And I thought it was my entitlement, but as a parent, then I realized just how much my parents cared about me, and I am really grateful for that.
So back to more scriptures on how important charity is, and this concept of loving god and all men, in the New Testament in Matthew we read this story:
Matthew 22
34 ¶But when the Pharisees had heard that he had put the Sadducees to silence, they were gathered together.
35 Then one of them, which was a lawyer, asked him a question, tempting him, and saying,
36 Master, which is the great commandment in the law?
37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
38 This is the first and great commandment.
39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.
And Then in Moroni 7:
46 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail—
47 But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.
So to reach the goal of eternal life, we must have charity, or love. The other great thing about keeping the commandments and loving people is that it makes your life happy too.
Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
2 Ne 2:25 Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.
And having this peace love and joy, I think makes for a successful, happy life.
So how can we gain that charity and really love people? And to my topic, how can we learn and practice these things at home and teach it to our children, cause we can't teach something we don't know, right.?
First off the answer to gaining charity is simple, it is found in the next verse in Moroni when he's talking about charity:
Moroni 7:48 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen.
So we need to pray with all the energy of heart-- which means we really have to want it and have been thinking about it.
Experience at BYU, we need to honest with ourselves and recognize where we need help and remember that god already knows, so He's not going to to be shocked at our failings, and acknowledging that anyway, is the first step to change, although this love truly is a gift, and it is one we must pray for, because there are some people who are really hard to love, for these I will sometimes pray that I can see them the way God sees them, teaching our kids to pray I think is so important, so that they can always have the help they need throughout life, I told my kids when they first went to public school after being homeschooled, that I couldn't be there, but .god is and He is already there and will help you with whatever they need and that's true for each of us.
I think also understanding how much God loves us is very helpful:
2 Ne 26:33 For none of these iniquities come of the Lord; for he doeth that which is good among the children of men; and he doeth nothing save it be plain unto the children of men; and he inviteth them all to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female; and he remembereth the heathen; and all are alike unto God, both Jew and Gentile.
D&C 18:10 Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God;
And then back to my first scripture we have to endure to the end and feast on the words of Christ so we remember to be good and nice. And know that god loves everyone regardless of anything! rich! poor! ugly! pretty! smart! dumb! fast! slow, fat, skinny, popular, nerdy, whatever, God loves us all no matter what and he doesn't make some of us better than others and when we can love others the way He does, then we won't categorize ourselves anymore, and it won't matter that I'm better or worse off than so and so, we can make a connection and truly care for each other and build each other up and help each other, just as our children or our pets require work and care with nothing in return from them except love and adoration and more work, it doesn't matter, we just love them for them, because they are, and if we could get to that point with every person where we just love them because they are a human, they are a child of God, then we could maybe start to understand God a little bit, because He truly loves us all and truly wants us to be happy and to love each other too, and that is quite a gift he offers us if we will just pray with full energy of heart and keep trying and keep practicing.
Mosiah 3:19 For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.
And the home just so happens to be a great place to learn and practice these very important lessons. So children, I hope you will remember how much God loves you and how much your parents love you and that you will treat each other kindly and do nice things for each other and help your parents and siblings and other family and friends and people. And for parents, I have a little more to say on that matter although, if you can have that charity and love, the rest will fall into place.
One good thing we can do as parents I think is recognize that our children are their own people, they come with certain strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes and preferences. They are each of great worth. Parents are given a great responsibility to teach them and nurture them and help them to gain their eternal life and to have a happy life too. It is very helpful to lead by example. And when we fall short, we need acknowledge our faults, apologize - right the wrong-- and keep trying to do better. I think D&C 121 is helpful for parents, because we are given authority over our children and we need to use it wisely and in the way The Lord has set:
41 No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood ( or any authority), only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;
42 By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile—
So we need to talk to our children, listen to them, help them and be patient with them. Laying down the law, plants resentment, and trying to guilt them into doing things won't last or work either. We want our children to do things because they can see why it is a good idea and how it will help them and make them happier-- like schoolwork-- it can seem so daunting at times but if they can see how it will help them get into college and get a good job and help them have things they will want, then it becomes much more worthwhile and they are more likely to follow through, we may have to get creative and give them easier attainable rewards for work done, like a sticker or computer time, or to do whatever activity they enjoy. The same principle applies to being nice and keeping the commandments. And then back to the scripture:
43 Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;
44 That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death.
45 Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.
Elder Falabella says: The Lord has clearly described the attributes which should guide our dealings with other people. These are persuasion, long-suffering, gentleness, meekness, and love unfeigned
I think it also helps to be consistent, not threaten a punishment you don't want to enforce, but the important thing really is that they know you love them and care about them, they really do want to be good and helpful and make you happy, it makes them sad when they fail, but if they know you still love them even when they disappoint or fail at things, then they'll have hope and with that hope and your example, they will find their way, just we all have to find our way to God, and He is patient and loving and forgiving and soooooo long suffering, we need to be that way too and all our interactions in the home are great practice.
Another thing that Elder Falabela says in his talk is:
1. The temple is the place.-- a great way to start, but he notes we must also live a celestial life
2. To contend, you need two people, and I will never be one of them.
3. A child who sings is a happy child.-- we can learn so much through music, love those primary songs
4. I need you to hug me. We need to reach out
5. I love the Book of Mormon and my Savior, Jesus Christ. Study the scriptures
6. It is not enough to know the scriptures; we have to live them.
Physical abuse in the family is a practice that is occurring less often in certain societies, and we rejoice in that. However, we are still far from eliminating emotional abuse. The harm caused by this form of abuse dwells in our memory, it wounds our personality, it sows hatred in our hearts, it lowers our self-esteem, and it fills us with fear.
So we need to watch our words, and build up our children, praise them when they do well, help them recognize their talents and strengths and help them to keep working on things even when they want to give up.
Now if there is anything I've learned thus far in my life, it's that everybody is different and each situation can be different and sometimes it's hard to know what the right thing to do is in many cases. The scriptures are really amazing, because they can apply to many situations, giving us guidelines, but when it comes to specifics, we really need to do our homework or research and pray and then listen to spirit and follow what we know in our heart to be right and good for our particular individual situation.
Sometimes the answer may surprise us, that what we and others thought would be a good thing for our child isn't, and we need to listen to those promptings as parents and have the courage to sometimes go against the grain to do the right thing for our child.
Moroni 7
13 But behold, that which is of God inviteth and enticeth to do good continually; wherefore, every thing which inviteth and enticeth to do good, and to love God, and to serve him, is inspired of God.
14 Wherefore, take heed, my beloved brethren, that ye do not judge that which is evil to be of God, or that which is good and of God to be of the devil.
15 For behold, my brethren, it is given unto you to judge, that ye may know good from evil; and the way to judge is as plain, that ye may know with a perfect knowledge, as the daylight is from the dark night.
16 For behold, the Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil; wherefore, I show unto you the way to judge; for every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God.
2 Nephi 32:3 Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do.
So it is my prayer that we will all study and feast upon the scriptures, take the time to ponder and learn from them and follow the promptings we get to do whatever, whether it be to focus on our health more, read a certain book, talk to a certain person, sign our child up for a certain class, take some extra family time, find more opportunities to serve or whatever. And also that we will be filled with love for one another, that we will be humble and not put ourselves above or below others for whatever reason, that we will be patient, kind and long suffering.
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Rest in Peace sweet doggie Maple
Our family dog passed away yesterday. She is the first dog I ever had. I had no idea how much work it would be to raise a puppy and I had no idea I would be so sad when she left us. She started trembling and shaking the Friday before Christmas, She started shaking the Friday before Christmas. Of course no vet clinics were open, so we decided to wait and she how she was doing, she seemed to be getting better on Monday and she was still eating and drinking so I really thought she just must have the flu or something, plus we were down to one car and Christmas was on Wed. with parties and get togethers in between. I just hoped she would get better. She didn't want any of her presents on .christmas, but I think I was just in denial, thinking she wasn't getting worse. By Friday afternoon, she had really slowed down, was still trembling and had really slowed down on the eating and drinking. We took her to our vet neighbor Saturday morning and he gave us pain medicine and said that Maple had hurt her neck which is common for middle age dogs and that we needed to baby her a bit and keep her confined, but that she would heal in a couple weeks.
I was so relieved. She took her medicine that Saturday and really seemed to be feeling better. But she wouldn't take it on Sunday, and then she stopped eating and drinking on Monday. I think I was still in denial plus I have no experience with dogs, and the van was in the shop all day Tuesday plus we have been trying to move, packing and cleaning, and we thought it was just because of her neck and she just needed to rest a lot. But yesterday, my husband looked at her and told me she wasn't responding and that it looked to him like she was dying. My daughter, the one who has pretty much taken the most care of Maple, and I ran her back over to the neighbor's because of course it was New Year's Day. It turned out she was dangerously dehydrated by that point. We tried to get her to the Animal Urgent care, but she died in my daughter's arms on the way.
I was never a dog person, but I liked the idea of having a dog from all the dog and animal stories I read to my kids. My daughter always wanted a dog and we finally caved when #5 was a baby. She was kind of like our 6th child. We got her in a time of happiness and contentment. She was a lot more work than I anticipated, it took about 6 months to fully house train her. But she was super cute and we all loved her and had some really fun times playing with her. She was never able to learn more tricks than sit and stay, and she hardly ever came when we called. She also loved to chase cars and it is a miracle she didn't get hit those first couple years. We always gentle with the kids. She only nipped if they were really bugging her. She was always in the middle of everything. If there was something interesting going on, she was there.
She loved to chase the chickens and really seemed to have found her calling of getting the chickens out of the neighbor's yard. She never tried to bite the chickens or hurt them, just chase them. She never went far from us, she never ran away and she loved to go for walks. She would often find her leash and bring it to someone to take her for a walk. She was just always there and she was our true friend even when we were short with her or she would pee or poo in the house, she loved us. We just got used to having her around and her boundless energy.
When I had the twins, I had to teach her to stay out of my room so I could nurse them and just have some quiet time. She learned and she really bonded with #1. #1 really needed her when her best friend moved and then as I began to realize the sorry things happening in our ward. Maple never complained about anything. Over the year we were in transition of moving here, we had to leave her in her kennel for hours while we drive down here for activities and church. She learned to just go there whenever we left and she was of course super happy to see us whenever we came back.
Once we finally moved, she really started to hang out with me a lot more especially in the kitchen with the baby dropping food all the time. She would follow me wherever I went and she was never far away. I only didn't allow her in my room. She would usually go find a kid or wait by my door. She would come running whenever her name was called. I didn't realize how much she meant to me and to the kids until we had to decide whether or not to take her on our big move. When it came down to it, we had to take her. I was really looking forward to having her on our trip and to have her in our new home where we will essentially know no one.
She loved us, we loved her, and she was my friend. If anyone can teach unconditional love, it is a dog. They are not perfect, they cause chaos and havoc in our lives, but they love us unconditionally and they never judge, even when I was short with Maple or punished her for pooing in the house, she loved me. I wish we could have saved her, we think there must have been more going on than just her neck, she probably ate too many raisins and maybe found some chocolate or licorice or both somewhere. She had started to develop a taste for human food and definitely preferred it over her dog food. I wish she hadn't gotten sick or that we had been able to help her recover. We did the best we knew and the best we could under the circumstances, but that doesn't seem to ease the pain much.
I'm glad we got to have her. She was only about 6 yrs. old. She had finally started to slow down a bit and I was looking forward to having a calmer dog for 5 or 6 more years to come. She was gentle and tough. She never complained through her whole sickness, she was just glad to be with us. I will always love her. She was my first dog. And I will miss her terribly for a long time I think. Thank you Maple, my friend, rest in peace, rest in peace.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Love Heals
I have recently started a lecture series from the Teaching Company called The Science of Natural Healing. I really like it so far, it is taught by a cardiologist at the Scripp's Center for Cardiology. She has so year talked about what integrative and holistic medicine mean, that it is not alternative, not using any western medicine, but instead it is more of a bridge integrating Ayrvedic and Chinese medicines as well as herbalogy and homeopathy and other healing models. She has said a ton of really good things I don't have time to recap here, but in explaining her change from being a regular doctor, making a diagnosis and prescribing a drug to treat the symptom, she now sees herself more as a healer who wants to take a look at the whole person. She sakes questions and learns not only about their physical state but also their emotional, mental and spiritual states. She said that when she approaches her patients with love and acceptance instead of from a place of judgment, true healing can happen. She takes the people from wherever they are and goes from there. The person's sense of community is also very important to overall health and peace of mind. I am really enjoying this course so far, I've only gotten through 4 lectures. It feels so good to do this sort of thing again! I just listen while I pack, it's working out pretty well. I love learning!
Here's the link: (blogger is acting up like crazy on my ipad, no paragraphs, won't let me put the cursor where I want, I like blogging from my ipad cause it's easy, I may be moving to Wordpress soon, sorry about the link, it is from the the teaching company. Wwwe.teach12.com
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